# Episode 2 - Raising Kids, Building a Career and the Homefront

- Podcast: GenX Adulting Podcast
- Published: 2024-08-26T15:00:00.000Z
- Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398379/episodes/15641445-episode-2-raising-kids-building-a-career-and-the-homefront.mp3
- Page: https://genxadultingpodcast.com/transcripts/podcasts/genx-adulting-podcast/episodes/episode-2
- Source: https://genxadultingpodcast.com/episodes/genxadultingpodcastepisode2.html
- People: Brian Barker (host), Nicole Barker (host)

## Summary

In this episode, the hosts discuss their journey of raising children while building their careers, reflecting on how they grew up alongside their kids. They share personal anecdotes about their early parenting experiences, the importance of communication, and the evolving dynamics of family life over the years.

## Key takeaways

- Have open conversations about roles and responsibilities before marriage and parenting.
- Financial discussions are crucial for a healthy partnership.
- Establishing communication with children from a young age fosters strong relationships.
- Parenting styles may need to adapt for each child due to their unique personalities.
- The parenting journey is ongoing and evolves as children grow.
- Technology has significantly changed parenting dynamics over the years.
- Being a united front as parents is essential for effective discipline and guidance.

## FAQ

### How can I prepare for parenting while building a career?

Having open discussions about roles and responsibilities with your partner before having children is crucial. This ensures both partners are on the same page regarding parenting and financial matters.

### What is the best way to communicate with my children?

Start with simple questions about their day to establish open communication. As they grow, adapt your questions to encourage deeper conversations, fostering a trusting relationship.

### How do parenting styles change with each child?

Each child has a unique personality, which may require different approaches to communication and discipline. It's important to be flexible and adjust your parenting style to meet their individual needs.

### What role does technology play in modern parenting?

Technology has transformed parenting dynamics, allowing for constant communication and tracking of children. However, it also presents challenges, such as managing social media and ensuring safety.


## Referenced links

- [Watch on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqdvHPy6MAw)
- [Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-2-raising-kids-building-a-career-and-the-homefront/id1764838823?i=1000666667781)
- [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/episode/469aSS8QrTsF1MGzB1cuMv)
- [Listen on Buzzsprout](https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398379/episodes/15641445-episode-2-raising-kids-building-a-career-and-the-homefront)

## Transcript

[MUSIC]
Welcome to GenX Adulting.
This is episode number 2.
Today, we're going to
talk about how we were
essentially kids when
we started raising kids,
and talk about the different phases
we went through throughout our
lives with each child we had,
because they were very different.
Oh, yeah.
And how we grew up with our kids
essentially to some degree.
So we got married at 23,
got pregnant at 25,
and had Nathan, I was 26,
you turned 26 like four months later or
something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember correctly.
I did marry an older woman.
So when we had Nathan, we had nothing.
We lived in a house that is
probably as big as this room,
I would think, if you could compare it.
The kitchen was probably four by two.
About as big as this area right here.
Yeah. Well, and if you're
listening about four by two.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Then it was the tiniest little house that
we brought him home to.
His crib was right
there in the main room.
You were working up until I had Nathan.
I was working, but
then once I had Nathan,
I stayed home. So that's one thing I
would advise before anyone
decides to either get
married or have children together,
is have that conversation about how you
see each other's roles.
You and I had that conversation really
even before we got married.
Actually, I think we talked
about it when we were friends.
We were friends for almost three years
before we got together.
And I feel like during that time, we even
had the conversation where
I told you that I wanted
to be a stay at home mom
because I didn't have that growing up.
My mom was a single mom. She was working.
I wanted to create the exact opposite
experience for my own kids.
You wanted the same thing, a wife who
stayed home because that's
essentially what you had.
So have that conversation.
I can't stress that enough because then
you're both on the same page
before you get going on it.
Because when you start to
have financial challenges or
responsibility conversations, you want to
fall back on that conversation.
Absolutely.
And also talk about how you're going to
see the money situation in that
because you never once made me feel like
it was your money
that you were giving me.
It was our money to build our life with.
You had the privilege of pursuing your
career and focusing on that 100 percent
with the knowledge that everything was
good at home and your
children were being raised.
And you had no worries about the home
front because I was
home taking care of it.
So it worked both ways. You
supported the family financially.
I supported the family on the home front.
So have that conversation. It will really
help over. It helped us immensely.
It's honestly critical. We're almost over
emphasizing it at this point,
but it is very critical.
You do have to have that.
Yes.
You have to be on the same page.
100 percent. Have the
conversation. Do you both want kids?
Yeah.
That's important. And if somebody does
not want children,
that's not going to change.
Yeah.
And then have the conversation. How do
you see the home front?
That's how I like to think of it. How do
you see the home front?
How do you see the roles? So you and I
had that established.
The other thing I would say too is do not
do the ultimatum game.
We've had some friends play the ultimatum
game, which is if we're
not engaged by this time,
then I'm moving on.
Yes.
Then they jump into the
marriage and it's over.
Those do not last. So
don't play that game either.
Absolutely. I think it's one of those
things, at least for my
advice for young women or women in
general, I shouldn't just say young
women, women in general
who are in a relationship.
My opinion is a man knows within a year
if he's going to marry someone.
If he goes too long, I don't know. In my
opinion, if he goes past
three years and hasn't asked you
to marry him, you're a placeholder. You
are not the one for him.
He's waiting to see if something
better comes along or if his person is
going to come along.
Would you agree with that?
Yeah, I was thinking you might even know
sooner as a guy, but I
don't know if that's the case
in all cases. I'm not saying it's love at
first sight and you jump
on that and decide to get
married and elope like in that weekend
type of thing, but you
know pretty quick, I think.
When do you honestly feel you knew that
you wanted to marry me,
that I was your person?
Oh God, I don't know. Because in some
ways the theme of this
conversation is kids raising kids.
Yeah. So I don't know. We were kids. I
don't know. I don't recall.
Would you say it was on our trip around
the country after we
graduated from high school,
we drove around the country college. I'm
sorry. After we graduated
from college, thank you.
We drove around the country for two and a
half months. Would you say
it was during that trip or
then we moved in together. Well, I think
it, yeah, yeah. I mean,
probably around during that time.
You spend three months in the car with
someone driving around the
place and a lot, you know,
you know, it's, you kind of, you get a
feel for your, whether
you're compatible or not and
if you like each other. You have to like
each other before you
can love each other, right?
100%. I think we got through that
unscathed and we still liked each other.
Yes. So there was definitely large
potential. Yes. I think we
talked every day on that trip
nonstop. We brought the tapes that are
hanging above you. We
brought those in my car. Yeah.
He's got, I don't know how many bootleg
Grateful Dead tapes.
Yeah, but it's fine. But there they are.
They're above. Yeah. But
so we brought most of those
thinking we would listen to them because
my car at the time had a
cassette player because this was
1994. No, 1993. This was 1993. The map
above me says road trip
93. So we plan, there's a map
above me and it says road trip 93. For
those who are not watching
here in a room here, we're
in opposing chairs above me is a set of
about 200 and something
Grateful Dead cassette tapes,
you know, handwritten covers and things
like that. Their bootlegs. Then above
Nicole is a map of the
US that says road trip 93, which we are
going to track. Yeah. We,
we did a real good road trip
starting in Portland, no Ashland, Oregon,
and went all across the Northwest,
Northern part of the
US over to the East coast and then looped
back around through the
South. We'll go through that
someday. It was a lot of fun. We'll do a
podcast on that. We're
actually going to track it and
then talk about it. But so after, so we
brought the tapes, but we
only used a few because we talked
every day for two and a half months in
that car as we traveled. That
was a first clue to me that,
okay, something's here. Some, you know,
and then I just knew you were my person.
But like to go back to about men, I think
that men know. And if
you go too long as a woman,
you don't, I tell my daughter, don't give
away your baby ears to a
man. If, you know, it's,
more vital for a woman is on a timeframe,
a time clock here.
So, you know, obviously
give it some time, but no one to walk
away for yourself. Anyways, that's my
little bit of advice
there. So we drove around the country. We
lived together for a
year. During that year,
you asked me to marry you in May. And
then we got married in
September in Las Vegas. That was a
blast. And, um, that was, we were 23 and
then we moved to Michigan, lived in
Michigan for about a
year, moved back to Oregon and then got
pregnant with Nathan. And we
actually didn't even make it
a year in Michigan. Was it just shy of a
year? Well, what's crazy
in, if you've ever lived in
that area, Michigan, we were in Detroit
area, it snowed on
Halloween. Yeah. There was a foot of
snow on Halloween. There was still snow
on the ground at
Easter. Yes. And we're like,
we gotta get the hell out of here. It's
just too cold. It's
beautiful. It's beautiful. It's
Michigan's a wonderful state for used to
be. I don't know. It
seems a little nutty now,
but it's still a beautiful state. So
beautiful. Yeah. Um, it was
cold, like really cold. It's a
Canada cold. Yeah. There is an Arctic
cold. Yes. For sure. But so we, then we
moved back to Portland
and got pregnant with Nathan. We were 25.
Uh, we were renting at the time.
We had already rented, let's see, an
apartment in Portland. We
rented a home in Michigan
and we rented then this little home in
Portland and had Nathan
and brought him home to this
teeniest, tiniest little house. I
remember every Christmas I make, gosh,
dozens and dozens and
Christmas cookies of at least eight
different types of cookies. I still do.
You're doing it then too. Yeah. I still
did it in that little tiny kitchen.
That kitchen was literally, you could not
have two people in there.
No. And at one end of it,
so picture a rectangle, maybe the size of
like a crib mattress.
Yeah. Right. It was probably
about that. Yeah. And at one end of the
crib was the fridge, which was small.
Yes. And there was a,
um, tiny sink, tiny sink and a tiny oven,
like a half of it, like a little oven.
I made all those cookies and I, they were
drying on racks and
stuff around the little
house that we had anyways. So I had
worked up until having
Nathan really up until I think I
stopped working maybe a week before I had
him at that. And then we
had Nathan and I stayed home.
We had no money except for what you
brought in. You were working
two jobs that you're working
at the greenhouse. I might've been just
the greenhouse at that
point. You worked at a wholesale
greenhouse company and then you got the
job at the phones, right?
Calling people. I think I was,
Oh no, that was earlier. I went to jobs.
I had the phones and the
greenhouse, the nursery job.
Then we moved to Michigan. Yes. And we
came back and got sort of a
promo, I guess, a promotion.
Um, moving back and worked my ass off.
But, um, eventually there's
just, there's not a ton of
money in that. So then I got into it. But
when we moved back, you
went back to work at the
wholesale greenhouse. Yeah. Yeah. A
hundred percent. And then you got into
it. Yeah. And then right
at the beginning, right? Like what you
were what, doing what at the very start
of it? Yeah. Back then,
um, if you're younger than Gen X, you may
not remember this, but
we used to connect to the
internet through phone lines and modems.
So us West, which I don't
even think us West is around
anymore. I forgot about us. Right.
They're out of business.
Yes. Um, we, I was working doing
tech support for dial up, uh, customers,
their internet
customers. So people who could not
connect to the internet, we talked them
through how to get
connected. And to your point, that was
very, very early on even pre.com. That
was what year was that? 90, 90. Uh, he
was born in 97. Yeah.
97. So again, time stamping ourselves or
dating ourselves, it was
windows 3.1. And then windows
95 came out and windows 98 came out. And
that was really the start of the
internet. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
So you were there right from the start,
right at the beginning. And I should
mention when we lived
in Michigan, your dad, my dad bought you
your first computer. Yeah. Yeah. And
that's, that thing was
one of those big, it was actually a
Pentium 90 with either four or eight gigs
of memory had floppy
drives. Uh, but it was fast back then. I
think I had a 17 inch monitor that was
like the size of the
old TVs. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. So
then when did you start
working two jobs? Was it in Portland
or were you only working the word? I
thought you worked two
jobs and we were in Portland.
No, the, the, that us West gig was decent
in the scheme of
things for back then. Um,
because it was an outsourced gig. So I,
it was, I worked for a
company called stream who was
doing all this support for us West and
they had tons of overtime
opportunities. So I just,
I don't know if you remember, but I would
go in sometime, got to the
point where I'd do four 10s
or 10 hour days. But then each time, each
day there was always
overtime. So I could work like
another four hours. Yes. I'm like working
14 hours a day, four
days a week type of thing.
That's fine. And I would be with Nathan.
Yeah. I mean, right when I
had Nathan, I think you had a
week, it was a big deal. You had a week
off with me because you were
working so much. So you were
off with me for a week. Then you went
back to work. Um, you were
gone a lot. I was with Nathan.
And then we decided, then we moved into a
bigger rental. Um, and I did
a little daycare there. You,
you set up a whole playground in the
back. You had a huge garden
and, um, I watched some kids
and then we decided right before Nathan
turned two. So this was
in right as it turned 1999,
uh, right before we, um, so right at the
end of 1998, we drove to
New Jersey and moved to the
town where you grew up. Yeah. And
probably why we did that at the time is
because we both wanted
a smaller town atmosphere to raise our
children. Portland was feeling like it
was getting a little
too much of, no, I can, I'll nail this
one for me personally. He
wants to say, but no, I mean,
Portland was becoming a drug culture.
Portland was always pretty
liberal or obviously, right?
Yes. Liberal. You don't become what it is
today overnight.
Right. Um, but it wasn't,
it wasn't what it is now when I was
growing up. I like to clarify that we
actually hit Portland
personally for me, um, not being from
there. I felt like, Hey,
well this is Portland's a pretty
cool town, right? Yeah. The Brewers Fest
and good music scene. It
was safe. You can go downtown
Portland at two or three in the morning
and no, no problems. Um,
but meth is really became meth
became an epidemic back then, right? Meth
hadn't really been on the
scene and it moved in and
Portland was sort of an epicenter of it.
The West coast Pacific
Northwest. Yeah. Full of methods.
So it was no place to raise a kid. No. So
for me, it was very simple.
We're not raising a kid in
this environment. It's fine. If you're in
your twenties, thirties,
whatever dual income, no kids,
no harm, no problem. Right. Once you have
kids, I wasn't cool
with it. So we, that's,
we weren't comfortable with it. No. So we
moved out to New Jersey and, um,
really quick. Do you remember the ride
there? Yeah. Um, we did it in
the middle of the winter. Yes.
Rent at a U-Haul or a rider. I think it
was a rider. Yeah. Loaded
up the bus, the two of us.
Two dogs. Yes. Remember we had the dog
sitting at our feet. Yes.
And driving across country in
the middle of the winter. Well, no, we
didn't have karma. She passed
away right before we left. Oh,
that's right. So we just had mocha. We
just had mocha. Yeah.
Okay. Um, do you remember
the oil filter or the fuel filter got
clogged and we got stuck in
Wyoming? Yes. That was fun.
Was that on the way to New Jersey? Um,
yeah, I think it was. Yeah.
Cause we had a kid. We had,
this is crazy. Yes. It was cold. It was
treacherous. It was a little sketchy at
times crossing bridges.
Um, cause we were driving through the
whole Northern part of the
country. Yeah. So we made
it with all of our stuff and then lived
with your parents for a year.
Yep. Thank goodness. Yeah. We
had that landing pad and did you have a
job when we went out there
already? I did. Um, I can't
did we go, did we do Christmas in New
Jersey that year? We must have arrived
before Christmas. Yeah,
because I went and interviewed at a, at a
local ISP, Net Access,
actually. I met with them
over that break when we were visiting.
Um, I got offered the
job and then we moved back,
our shit up and moved. So, um, what did
you do at Net Access? Very
similar stuff, um, started in
their, their, uh, what do we call it? The
technical support
center or the tech technical
assistance center. Same thing that access
was an ISP at the time,
local ISP. So now, you know,
it's, it's, it's a fascinating thing
because a lot of these ISPs
are gone. ISP stands for internet
provider. Um, now that's all, if you're
in the Northeast, you
probably have Comcast or Verizon.
Down here, we have AT&T or Comcast. Back
in the day, it was all
smaller companies, right? It was
all these regional entrepreneurs who's,
who set up ISPs. And basically
it was a, you, you got what's
called an ISDN line that connected to the
internet and people would call in on
their dial-up connections
and you get connected to the internet.
And again, it was supporting those
people. Um, wasn't the
technology, right? It's almost like fax
lines, fax line type of
stuff. But, you know, so I started
in that and then as time went on, I moved
into the NOC, which is
the network operation center
dealing with, you know, just higher
sophisticated things or
more technical things. So yeah,
this was all at Net Access. Yeah. And did
you only work at Net
Access at that time when we were
living with your parents, you were just
working at Net Access,
right? I was, but that's the time
this would be my career advice to people.
When you're young, you do
what I guess I'm about to
say, but remember, I would work, I think
I had to be at work at like
nine or nine 30 and it was half
an hour away or so. So I'd leave the
house half an hour before, go
work, and then come home. And
I would stay up till two, three in the
morning teaching myself
everything I was doing at work,
really. And at the end of the day, what I
was teaching myself was
how the internet works,
how to networking, routing, switching,
DNS, domain name services, how to set up
mail servers, how to set up FTP servers,
everything related to how
the internet worked and how to
connect computers and servers and
workstations and people to the internet
and broader networks. So
I don't know what you asked me, but
that's what I was doing.
Yeah. Well, I asked you if
you were working two jobs.
I had one job, the second was almost
night school, my own
personal night school.
Right. So the second job I would say was
teaching yourself and to your point,
when you're young, especially if you
don't have a spouse or children,
definitely grind, definitely
burn the candle at both ends. This is the
time to do it. We did get
married young and you had
a responsibility for a family at a very
young age. So you were more than
motivated because you
had to be. Now, if I will pause there, if
there's any one younger
listening or even a Gen X or who's
looking for a career change, the move now
would be teach yourself
Python, GoLang, how Azure works,
how AWS works, really how to code. You
hear that a lot, like teach
yourself how to code and you'll
find it's kind of true to a point. A lot
of that's getting off short,
but if you know how it works,
you can manage it. Yeah. So yeah. No,
that's good advice. So you were working
your butt off. I was
raising Nathan and we were saving money
and then I got pregnant again while we
were living with your
parents. I got pregnant with Kaya and I
believe you took a new job
around that time too. I did.
And where did you go from there? The
company called G-Triad,
which was a kind of a dotcom
startup that a larger company, Computer
Horizons bought. Both these,
they're both out of business,
which is wild. But yeah, so G-Triad, we
managed the web infrastructure for
various companies like
toysareus.com, Dow Jones University, Amex
had some sites that we
managed. Yeah. It was pretty cool.
That was like pretty high end stuff and
the way it kind of worked,
G-Triad had a development arm.
We had developers who would develop
websites and applications in an
application server called
ColdFusion. We handled the web server
side of it. Okay. So and
with that new position,
you had a salary raise. This is how it
works. Yeah. Okay. As
you're building your career. A
little more career advice, I guess. In
the beginning, you can
job hop a little bit. You
probably need to. Yeah. I mean, I started
in tech support, which pays
shit. You know, just do it so
you learn, but teach yourself more. And
then yeah, to your point, I
took this next gig and then
became a manager. And then you start to
make some money, right? You
get mid-level management type of
stuff. Right. Right. Right. But from that
mid-level management, we were able to
purchase our first home.
Yeah. So we purchased our first home. I
was pregnant while we're
painting the walls inside
getting the home ready. We had friends
and family helping us and we
moved in. And I believe a few
months later, we had Kai, our daughter.
Yeah. And so I was 29 and you
were 29 as well, because this
was in November. So we were both 29. So
we had two kids before we
were 30 and you were still
building your career. I was home still.
Nathan was starting
preschool and we just kind of hummed
in New Jersey, raising our kids, you
know, doing the Nathan
started a little league or T-ball.
Kyle came to all the stuff because she
was the younger sibling.
We spent time with family.
It was where you grew up. So we were
involved in the community.
Yep. And then did you accept
another position during that time from G
triad or were you at G
triad that entire time? Well, so
during that time, the dot com bust
happens 2001. So it was
very interesting time. We,
I think I went through the Y2K stuff.
Yes. In at net access was a
side note. Could you share
when 9 11 happened, what you were asked
to do? Where was I at
that? I think I was at G triad.
Yeah. I was at computer horizons. Yeah.
Yeah. Pretty wild. A quick
9 11 story because everyone
so I was getting Nathan ready to go to
preschool. I think I had Kai in my arms
and looked at the TV
and saw the second plane hit the second
tower. You called me. I
think the, the plane had hit
the first plane had hit. No one saw that.
That wasn't filmed. Well,
it was filmed by a few home
videos. But I remember, I remember
leaving, getting ready and
it hit and it's like, wow,
you were on your way to work and you
called me. This was, I thought I, you
turned around and then
said, I'm going in because I didn't think
it was not a big deal.
Right. The first plane hit. And
then it was not a big deal. And then I
got to the office. Okay.
Yes. The next plane hit. And I
remember being in the office and
everyone's like, wow, what, what the fuck
is going on? Right. And,
and they, you know, there was some kind
of that semblance of, okay,
what's happening? And then
I left, I went home and everybody was,
and you know, we were, we had our own
place, but my parents
place was half a mile away or whatever.
We all went there. We all
went there. It was your dad's
birthday. Yeah. And watch the news and
kind of freaked out.
Absolutely. And then, what were you
so we had a contract at the time with
the, or at least contacts
with the FDNY, uh, New York fire
department. And we were, we were asked
and volunteered. I didn't
get paid for this. I don't
think we, any of us got paid for it. I
don't even think our
company got paid for this. Um,
but we went in and set up a pier 94 in
New York. And what pier 94
was at the time is basically,
you know, if you picture the Hudson, not
the Hudson, probably the
East river or whatever,
whatever there's on the other side, I
know the Hudson. I don't
know what the other river is.
Maybe the, it might be the East river or
something like that. Um, but
the pier 94 was a big kind of
warehouse. You know, as ships would come
in, I think normal stuff
would get put in there or
something. I don't, I don't even know,
but what either way, when we
got there, we set up all the
computer systems and phone systems for
the DNA collection, um, uh, effort, I
guess you'd call it.
Well, because at the time, well, what,
what went down there is,
um, this is back when Giuliani
was married to, cause I remember him
rolling in. This is Giuliani before he
became whatever he is
but he was a great mayor in New York at
the time. Um, it was interesting. He
showed up and just had
this presence larger than life, right?
Just a celebrity either
way. Um, we set up different,
you know, they were curtained off rooms
and probably a couple
hundred of them with a computer
and a phone in each one. So we built out
the network, we connected
everything. And, um, if you
had a loved one or a missing person and,
and, uh, what you would, people were
bringing bags of like,
say a toothbrushes or, or hair brushes
and combs and anything that had their
loved ones DNA on it.
And it was so premature though, in so
many ways, but it was just this reaction.
Everyone came together, right? Everyone
came together. We
built out to peer 94 and
a shit. I don't even know. I was gone
what, for like a day and a
half. I don't know. You were gone
for almost over two days. Yeah. I don't
even know. I just, you know,
we, three days you were gone.
Yeah. We went in and then the flash, you
know, you do all this
stuff and we're just,
everyone was grinding. But when I say it
was premature, because
the building was still
smoldering, right? There was still that
plume of smoke and shit
was just still on fire.
Probably very deep in the earth. They
were still searching for
survivors. Yeah. Finding people,
they probably found people, but we were
there within, I guess,
48 hours setting that up.
Oh, easily. Yeah. If not sooner. What's
interesting though, about that is, um,
when we first went in,
you know, coming from New Jersey, you go
through the Lincoln tunnel
and, um, back in the day,
there was tolls and there's probably
tolls again, but they stopped everything
this time. Right. So
now we're like, it's fresh, but they
waved us right in. It's
very interesting. So they were,
I remember them opening trucks, having
them open the back and
look inside and stuff. But
as we rolled in, we obviously didn't look
like bad guys and they
just looked at us and waved us
right in. They profiled. It was a trip.
It was just, it was very
interesting. And that was obviously
pre 9 11, where, you know, within two
days of 9 11, the
world's changed the, you know,
we're completely spied on at this point,
right? Everything they
know, everything, um, they being
the government and the intelligence
agencies back then, I, they probably
knew, but who knows, right?
I'm not getting into conspiracy level. It
was just very
interesting that we did not get
a full security shake down. Right. It was
easier to go through the
Lincoln tunnel two days after
9 11 and it is the board and airplane
today. Right. Right. And I
remember you telling me also
a story related to 9 11 and then we'll
move on. Um, you were
supposed to have a meeting with Lego
Yeah.
On 9 11. Yeah. And you had switched it to
9 12. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's
an amazing thing. It's my
procrastination worked out pretty well.
Not that anything would
have happened, but I would have
gone through the world trade center
subway. I would have taken
the path from probably from
might've gone into like Jersey city
instead of I've done
that, that, you know, I've,
it would have been a follow-up meeting.
So prior to that, I
would go to Jersey city,
catch the path, take it right over to the
midtown Manhattan and
into the world trade center.
There's a massive, um, train station
there. It's, it's, it's a shame because I
don't know what it's
like anymore. But back then it was like,
I remember my first time
doing this and the escalator
was like, you know, you go to a mall,
it's like what 30, 40, I don't know, 50
feet tall. This thing,
these things were like 200 feet tall.
It's crazy. Um, but yeah, I would have
gone in and it would
right at that time would have been around
nine ish. Um, my buddy did go to
something. I don't know
who he was meeting with, but he got into
the, he got off the train
in the world trade center
and felt the ground shake and heard a big
bang hop back on the path
and got the hell out of there.
So you got very lucky. Yeah. Oh, 100%.
And I would assume that
would have probably been my
fate as well. I don't know. Knowing you,
you always want to know
what's going on. So I think
you would have stayed and seen what's
yeah, you have a huge, huge amount of
curiosity about pretty
much everything. So I think you would
have stayed to see what was
going on. So anyways, so, uh,
during that time you said Y2K, you were
with G triad. Is that the
company that went in? And then,
then did you change companies after that?
Yeah. I went to, um, allied.
Right. And that was another
move, right? So did you move from
manager? Did you get a new
title when you went to the VP of
it infrastructure? Okay. And honestly,
that's, that's, uh, that goes back to
like, you gotta teach
yourself things, right? So again, career
advice for anybody is
don't just be a one trick pony.
You gotta learn different things about
whatever you're interested
in. You go for it. So I mean,
that was that moved on from just
networking to all of the
infrastructure. So servers and big
IBM refrigerator size servers and
mainframe type of systems, and then
warehouse systems and the
computers that everybody uses and the
printers and the fax
machines and the phone lines and all
that stuff. So you working there allowed
us to continue to live a
nice life. I was able to stay
home as the two kids grew up in Sparta.
Um, Kai started playing
softball. Nathan was playing
you were coaching, um, with the nice
thing, you were still
working so hard, so hard, um, that
you'd be gone. I think sometimes you left
because where you worked
was, I want to say an hour to an
hour and a half each direction. And so
sometimes you would leave
before the kids got up and then
you would get home right as I was reading
them a bedtime story.
This was like Monday through
Thursday and Friday, but then Friday
you'd come home and you were
home and you made that Friday,
Saturday, Sunday, big time family time,
nothing against guys who
golf, but you weren't golfing.
You were home on the Saturdays. You
didn't go to the bars
with the guys. You were,
you were a family man and that was our
values. Now, every,
everybody makes their own decisions.
Everybody has their own way of working
things out. This is what worked for us.
So you would be home. You coached
Nathan's little league. You coach. I
think you helped coach Kai's
softball. Um, and then I don't think she
was playing softball yet. She
played one year of softball in
New Jersey members. She, um, after a game
is when she caught her
cleat in, uh, the stairs at the
playgrounding, cut her under her chin and
needed stitches. But you
were there on the weekends for
them. And then if they did have a game
during the week, you did make it
sometimes you were late to
a game. I remember you'd come in late to
games, but you were there
as much as you could be. But
Monday through Friday, I kind of felt
like a single mom. You did start
traveling. Um, you had teams
all over the world. And so I did it
totally different gig, but
yes, that now we, that was
company though, right? No, we got bought
out. And that's when we moved down here.
Okay. Okay. So I'm jumping ahead. So you
were working really hard,
still building your career.
I'm on the home front. And then Nathan's
in fourth grade. Kaya is in kindergarten
and your company was bought out by a
company down here in Florida. And we
looked at each other
and had long talks and decided this was
the best move for your
career, which would be the best
move for our family. So I didn't want the
kids to, well at the time
too, right? So the, the housing
crisis of 2007 was happening. We're at
2007 now. Yes. Yeah. So
yeah, that was pretty dodgy,
you know, in some ways because the
company I was working at sold move and I
never thought we would
live in Florida. Never. Florida was sort
of laughing stock
material, right? Any weird stories
or any, I think it's a thing to a lot of
people still is. Yeah. So
you hear about weird shit.
It's like, Oh, that's probably Florida,
right? No, Florida's turned
the corner. Quite frankly. Now
it's like weird shit is happening
elsewhere. True. It's not as,
you know, there's still some
good stuff down here. Oh yeah. It's still
very much Florida. Yeah.
But yeah, you're right. So the
housing crisis was happening and we
needed to look ahead. And I
guess that's another thing for
people that are younger, building their
career. Sometimes you're
going to get thrown a curveball.
Things are not always going to stay on
the same path that you think
they are. The trajectory of
your life could change in an instant for
many reasons, but one of
them is a job change and you
family. Cause that's the best thing. Move
away from, we moved
away from grandparents,
yeah. Ants, uncles, cousins, our children
were very close with their
cut. They still are. Thank
God. But they were very close. Um, it was
a brutal decision. The
kids did not want to move.
I didn't want to move them in the middle
of the school year. So you
moved down here in January,
lived down here and flew home almost
every weekend to see us.
And then, uh, we did
that up until we moved in.
Well, we waited until the end of the
school year, the end of the
school year. So we moved end of
June, beginning of July. Yeah. We moved
down here. I remember
moving, um, when we moved here,
moving our stuff in and we rented, when
we came down here, we
sold our house. Actually,
we didn't sell our house. That's a whole
other story. Yes. Um, but
moving in until like July,
the middle of July, you felt like the sun
was literally five feet
above your head. We've
acclimated since, but that was crazy. We
had never experienced a
heat like that. No. Um,
so we moved, we, we rented for a while
while we got to know the
area. Um, and then we eventually
bought our own home here. Yeah. And, and
like you said, it took us a
while to sell our house in New
Jersey because of the housing crisis. So
we've been through, that was
terrible. We've been through
housing crash. We had people coming in
from other States and
they were offended by what we
were selling our house for, but in New
Jersey, that was normal.
What we, you know, so that was
rough as people would be shocked, but
what you sell a house for
Texas at that time was much less
than what you sell for in New Jersey. So
we went through a lot of
that. I think it took over a year
to sell our house. Yeah. No, I was
thinking about that. The challenge at the
time was selling a home
anywhere was tough. Um, and then to want
to buy a home was equally as
unnerving. Right. I remember
living down here and driving through the
streets we drive through
now, the neighborhoods,
and you could literally every home on the
block was for sale, not
literally, but you know what I
mean? You look down and you would see for
rent, for lease or for
rent for sale or for closure.
It was, which was really just sucked. Um,
but yeah, our house, we sat
on that house for the whole
winter. It was super cold winter heating
oil prices were up. So we
had to pay for snow removal,
heat the house. So it wouldn't, you know,
it had to be heated.
Yes. Um, lights had to say,
it was a very expensive year and so
finally we sold the
house. We got settled here. Um,
with the kids, they started a new school.
This is all part of
building a life together, right?
I felt my advice to people when you're
moving, find the school
first, then look for your home,
which I did. I did not want to spend most
of my life driving in a car
from my house to the school,
school to the house. So I found the
school first, then we found
the house. I would say that's,
that's actually, um, that's sage advice.
I didn't know that you
were like, we've got to,
we've got to live near the school. Yeah.
And you found the school and
it was key because it worked
and the school, uh, the school was good.
It was close to our house.
Now you're in a community
and that, that is, um, especially when
they're the kids were
the ages, they were,
that was pretty big first grade. They
were first grade and
fifth grade. So we hum along,
they get involved in sports. We get, I
get settled in the community.
Everything's going great.
And then at the age of so good, so good,
everything was just humming along,
but life was about to get better because,
um, I popped up pregnant.
I want to say at the age of
38 and God just felt that in my opinion,
that we needed, we, our
family was not complete.
I'm far more scientific about it, but,
and gave us our bonus baby
Dylan. And so we were all kind
of like, what? So for the people that,
um, that happens to, I'm here to say
everything's going to
be fine at the moment you panic, because
again, your life was
headed in one certain direction
and now you're, it's, you're, it's
completely going in
another direction. And it's like,
what, what are we doing? What are we
going to do? It's all going
to be fine. It's, and better,
it's going to be better than what you
ever could have
imagined. And you can't imagine.
It is just what it is. You don't, you
start to not know any other life.
Yeah. You couldn't imagine it any other
way. So at 39, I had Dylan
and you were still 38, I think.
No, no, I had Dylan at 38 and turned 39 a
couple of months later. You
were still 38 for a little
bit longer. So we had a new baby. So our
Nathan was 13 years older
than him or is 13 years older
than him. Nathan was 13. Kaya was 10. So
it was exciting for them
to have this little baby,
exciting for us. You know, we were
heading into our forties and starting all
over. And ironically,
I think a month before I got pregnant
with Dylan, we had a garage
sale and I had gotten rid of,
other than the sentimental stuff that I
was keeping, I sold or
got rid of all of the toys
and then I got pregnant. So now I don't
get rid of anything. I keep
it. I keep it all in a storage
unit, all of Dylan's toys, everything.
What's that? Yeah. I'm
saving it for our grandchildren.
Semi-professional hoarders at this point.
Well, it's organized,
but for our grandchildren,
God willing. But, uh, so we, we had Dylan
and what's interesting
about where we were at when
we had Dylan, you look back on where we
were with Nathan, bringing him
home to a little teeny shack.
And then with Kaya first time homeowners,
we didn't even have
living room furniture for like,
I think a good three months in that
house. Cause we were all the money was
going towards buying
the house and getting set up. It took us
a while. Well, we had
furniture. It just wasn't new. No,
no. The, the upstairs part, we didn't
have furniture there for a
member. We had it downstairs.
Finally we got furniture. We didn't have
furniture off the
dining room for a while.
Yeah, I do. So it's that we weren't
totally established, but then with Dylan,
we were, you know, you were at a place in
your career. We were
established, you know, we,
and more than established, he was coming
home to siblings and, you
know, my mom, thank God,
moved down here when we did. So there is
a grandparent down here
or there was with him.
She's still here. So to go from to, to
just watch the phases,
raising the kids where we were,
what was going on in our life and what we
needed to do to get to
that point of feeling, because
the company that bought out and moved you
down here, you're
still with. And it think,
and thank God that's been a great
experience and that's continued to allow
us to have a wonderful
lifestyle for the kids and allowed me to
stay home. But again, it
started in a little tiny shack
with no money. What's funny is, well, so
think about this too.
And I still have this bike,
but I bought the bike. Yes. And I used to
ride my bike when we first
had Nathan lived in a little
shithole shack about the size of this
room. I would ride my bike
along the biker's path along
I 205 in, in South Portland or Southeast
Portland. Yeah. So
I'd ride my bike to work
back and forth. And then when we had
Kaya, we, my commute was 35 miles or 10
miles outside in New
York. Yes. That was like an hour to an
hour and a half or more,
depending on each way, each way,
yeah. Which sucked, which really lends
itself to why I wasn't
around as much. Absolutely.
I think that's a good point there. You know, you need to be
close before traffic starts,
then you wait till traffic ends before
you know it, you're in a 12 hour day.
Right. One nice thing
about here is I'm 6.2 miles from the
office. Right. A left,
right, right. Yes. Huge quality
life difference. And I emphasize that
because it's huge. You
don't want to work too close
pretty close. You want to minimize your
community. If possible. We've lived all
of those experiences
and by far the best one of course for you
and for the family.
And I would say another
area where Dylan has a very different
experience is Nathan and
Kaya when they were young grew
up with you not around during the week
for the reasons you just
stated. You've been around
and for like constantly for Dylan. You've
been home for dinner.
You would see him before
he goes to school. He's never known you
not around now to go
back to the traveling. When
you took this job with this existing
company, you were traveling
when we were living towards
the end of New Jersey. And then when we
first were living here. So
the kids also went through
and I went through, they went through
having a dad who
travels. I went through having a
husband who travels. Once the market
really started getting
bad, your company stopped all
that. But even I think that went on for
what? Two years? At least a
year. Or a year. It was fun
though. It was fun for you. Yes. No, and
it's nice you got to see the
world, but I will say it's a
different world for a wife and a mother.
Yeah. And it's a different
world for the children. And
again, if anyone is in that situation,
just starting out, keep
that in mind. You know,
it's going to be a different lifestyle.
It could work for you,
could not, but it's a very
different lifestyle. Many people live it.
Yeah. You know, we just
ours didn't last. It would have
kept going if the market hadn't, you
know, yeah, I think. Well, the other
thing too is COVID. Now,
obviously, well, that's much later. Yeah.
COVID changed things too.
A lot of guys that would be
in sales that would travel just to
travel, you know, get
customer touches. A lot of, you know,
that stopped a lot of that. Yeah. Then
it's still going on
today. Well, COVID is a whole
another thing. I mean, you were, you
lived, you worked close
to us. So you were around,
but then once COVID hit, you were working
from home and then your
company allowed your team. So
you've been home ever since COVID. Yeah.
So that changed my
life. Yeah. For the better,
I assume depending on the day. Yeah.
Yeah. So I guess another
one, something that I would say,
whether it was Nathan, whether it was
Kaya or whether it was
Dylan, something that we had,
all three that's vital is create open
communication with them. And that starts
as young as preschool.
And the way it starts, if I can give
anybody advice on that is
when you pick them up from
preschool or you see them at the end of
the day, you ask simple
questions of what was your snack
today? What did you color today? What,
when did you, what did you
do on recess? Little questions
like that. Then when you get into
elementary school with them,
it gets into bigger questions.
Like they tell you who's being mean to
them or, you know, what
grade they got on a test, middle
school, they're still, even though it's
different, that communication has been
established. Even if
it's like pulling teeth, they still will
tell you one thing I've
learned once you get to middle
school is when to push and when not push
a little bit back off and be
quiet. And then they come to
you and tell you things. It's kind of
like a dance. You take two steps towards
them. One step back,
two steps towards them. I don't know if I
fully learned that yet, but
I like to know. You like to
know right away. Right now. Yeah. Let's
talk. Yeah. Tell me
everything. So once I get to middle
school, my tactic is I plant the seeds. I
say it, I let it sit. I
let it marinate and quiet and
invariably they come and tell me if they
don't, I say it again. And
then if I really feel if I'm
concerned, then I push if it's something
about safety or whatever.
And then that leads to high
school where they will talk to you about
almost anything our kids
did. We've caught, we caught a
lot of people. We've caught them in lies
a couple of times, you know,
and, and I think the biggest
one, Nathan only wants grounded. Yeah.
But other than that, open
communication, which has continued
through college and our older two are in
their twenties and we talk
to them every day. Our older
kids are graduating from school, saving
money. So starting when they're little
with those little bit
of questions, it, it breeds this open
communication and sometimes it's a
blessing and a curse because
as they get older, they start telling you
everything. Some things you
don't want to know, but they get
comfortable, but you, you need to grow up
and be able to deal with it too. As a
parent, you do. And one
time I remember there was something going
on with Kaya. You were having a really
hard time with it. And I said
to you, look, you can either be part of
this narrative or not, but it's
happening. So it's, it's not, this
doesn't have to do with her. This has to
do with you deciding if you want to be on
this journey with her,
if you can get out of your own way. Well,
you know, when we were talking about a
topic to cover, it was
how we were kids raising kids. And then
you might've said that in the beginning,
but there really is part of that. Right.
As if you look back over the time, at
least me personally, I know I've grown
quite a bit. I didn't know it. No
interest, no knowledge, no experience
dealing with younger kids. At least you
have a degree in early childhood
education, right? And did nannying. And
so you, you kind of had an idea. I had no
fucking clue. Right. So it's
been a, I think that, um, I think that's
true though, for everybody. I think that
every day of parenting presents a
new experience and a new challenge. And
we're, we've been doing this now for 27
years and I would still say we don't
know what we're doing. I don't, it never
ends. No, it's constant guesswork,
especially with Dylan
now. And what's really just
over the top crazy is how much the world
has changed since when Nathan was first
born and where Dylan
is now. Yes. The world's
fucking crazy. And it felt a little bit
nutty back in the day. It's really gone
off the rails now in,
in terms of just, just
being a Gen X or we're from a different
mold, right? Some of these things aren't
necessarily natural or as
important to us. Um, for
what's important for kids today in, in
terms of say, accepting everybody. We
didn't always accept
everybody. Right. You kind of have to
now. Yeah. Whether you want to or not.
Yeah. And, and there's good and bad with
that. No, I mean, Gen X,
please. I mean, there was no
politically correct. Anything you said,
whatever you wanted, you did whatever you
wanted for good or bad. Yeah. You know, I
think that, um, the way
things have evolved is
really positive in a lot of ways, but
then I think there's a lot of detriment
to it and it's very stifling. Yeah. So I
think, yeah, you look at how Nathan grew
up. My gosh, like you said, when you
started working, it was the very
beginning of the internet to now where,
you know, social media and the phones and
it, it, it, from our
first child to our last.
Yeah. And so the, the, the, uh, internet
alone, the situation with the internet
grew during those years. Well, 27 years
is when our, you watched it just take
off. So that alone is even more than just
the internet. It's the internet. It's
mobile phones. It's apps on your phones.
But I mean all of that. That's what I
mean. Yeah. Like technology, technology.
I'm using the wrong word technology.
Sorry. I forgot. I'm
talking to an IT guy.
But technology. So I think that also is
so interesting is as his parents have had
to grow with the technology that grew
along with our children. Well, it's an
amazing thing because now we use the find
me. What does it find my, find my phone
or something? Yeah. The find me function
on the iPhone. I should know this. Um,
you should. But back in the day when the
kids were older to were younger, it
wasn't as easy to, to, to, to find me.
Track them now we know where everybody is
at all times. Um, it's an amazing thing.
No, it's, it's, it's crazy. Uh, it, the
whole thing and it's for good or bad,
right? Because the good part is that we
have a family chat. And when our kids,
the older two were in college, we could
be in constant contact with them.
We didn't feel like we were missing out
on anything in their lives and they
didn't feel like they were missing out on
anything at home. So when they would come
home, you didn't have this feeling of
needing to catch up because
you'd been in constant contact.
That is an amazing thing. It's an amazing
thing. So you were automatically
comfortable. There was no adjusting and
no time was wasted catching up. It's a
beautiful thing. The find my phone. A lot
of people use life 360.
It's a beautiful thing.
The negatives of course are the social
media and all that, which we've talked
about in episode one. We talked about
that a bit. So, but as a parent, you
know, having to learn how to deal with
kids having phones and
when do kids get social media?
And a lot of parents are very anti social
media, but here's the tough part with
that. If all the kids are communicating
through Snapchat and you don't give your
kids Snapchat, your kids out of the loop.
And so, and then some
parents don't care about that.
I feel that to me it's important that we
don't cause social grief for our children
because of our fears of an app. And I'm
not putting people down. I'm just saying
that obviously the app concerns me and I
know there's been a lot of
dangerous things on the app.
There's a lot of risks.
You're almost even touching on a broader
topic of just keeping up with the Joneses
or the kids themselves. Yeah. Whether
it's a hairstyle or the brand of
clothing, but we had that too, right?
When, when we were kids, it was, I don't
even ocean Pacific was huge.
And I think seventh grade then polo Ralph
around polo. Yes. The members only
jackets. Remember those. Oh yeah. Yeah.
No. So that's always happening.
So I think for us, it's that, but yes,
it's the same thing, but it's now for us
as parents, it's technology. Well, it's
24 seven. At least back in the day, we
had a phone that was hanging on the wall.
If it rang, you could ignore it. If it
went to voicemail, you could listen to
it. Now it's like
everybody knows you've got a phone.
Aren't you picking up? Aren't you texting
me back? You know, you only have a
certain amount of time there. I think
where, you know, you run out of excuses.
It's access 24 seven. Um, they have to
each other. So if you're in a, if you're
in a bullying situation, that's
horrendous. If you're in a boyfriend
girlfriend situation, it escalates the
speed of a relationship 10,000 times
more. It's crazy. So we
had to adjust to that. Right.
So that's the thing. We had to adjust to that. That's the thing. That's the, that's the reason why we had to adjust to that. Right. And that's the thing. We
were one of the first ones to give Kaya a
phone, one of the last ones to give
Nathan a phone and just
figuring all that out.
Yes. Now we're, I don't know for the
oldest, but we certainly
are no longer the youngest.
No, we're, we might be some of the older
parents for his age.
For his age, I think
we're on the older side.
On the older side, but
probably not the oldest.
I don't know for the oldest, but we're on
the older side. Yes.
I would say that. It's
really interesting. And for
Kaya, we were like average.
That, and when you have your third and
there is that age
difference, some of the stuff
he's able to get away with that the other
two couldn't is, is
actually kind of funny
too. We don't, we take it in stride, but
I think the older two
hold us accountable to
it or give us a hard time. Right.
Oh, for sure. But again, part of that is
technology. We know where he
is at all times. Like I just
tracked him. Yeah. Like not while I'm
filming this podcast, but
right before the podcast,
I tracked him. So there's a safety
feeling in that he also
checks in. He uses Apple pay
so I can see where he's spending his
money. Again, it's more
of a tracking where with
Nathan and Kaya, he, they didn't have
that safety feature. So
if they went somewhere,
it was an unknown. So yes, we were more
strict and we were more
strict with a lot of things
because of that, I would say. So that's
again, another way that
we adjusted our parenting
with this child versus with our older
two. Yeah. And it's really
just a sign of the times. And I
think it's important to be flexible
depending on each child. Like
the way you punish one child is
at least for us, it's different the way
than how you punish other
children, your other children.
Like that's why I say as a parent, you
never really know what
you're doing because every
child is going to be different, but every
each child is different.
So you're going to adjust,
you're going to adjust the way you
communicate. They're little living
creatures with personalities
in their own mindset, their own needs,
wants, temperaments. And so you're
constantly evolving,
constantly being challenged. The whole
concept of, Oh, I can't wait until
they're 18 and I'm done
is non-existent. I mean, the boomers did
it. The silent generation
did it. I don't see such a,
what do you mean? They did what? Once
you're 18, you're done.
Yeah. But I, and I think there's
probably some Gen Xers that do it, but
overall it doesn't end. It
doesn't end. Even if they
aren't living at home after high school
or college, you're still, Oh,
they start their careers. And
now it's, it goes from, you know,
consulting on, say college
where, I don't know, right? It all
evolves each, each phase they go through
in their, their lives. If
you're close with them, there's
constant parenting, coaching, advice,
giving support. So now once
they get out of college and
they're into their careers, it's, you
know, it's advice on maybe a
move to make it work, how to
deal with a, a, a coworker, how to manage
your boss, that kind of
stuff. Yes. Or should I leave
this job? Should I go for this? It never
ends. Those little
questions in preschool are still
working at the age for our kids in their
twenties. It's just the
subject matter changes. And there
has been nothing more vital to our
relationship with our children than
communication. It's been
most important thing in our relationship
with them. And it's what's
allowed us to be so close
with all three of them. So I, I can't
stress it enough. If anyone
ever asked me, because people
have like about, we're so close with our
kids, with, with our older
kids as they become adults
and all that. And I say, it's the open
communication, 100%. But
again, it's not that that, that has
come easy or continues to be easy. And
you and I have disagreed at times on, you
know, what we should
do or say in a situation we've butted
heads. It's important to be
united front though. We've tried
to do a lot of that behind the scenes and
be united front when the
decision's been made. Yeah.
Somebody has to give at some point, you
can't be divided trying to do
this. It's that I'm laughing
because I think it was just yesterday you
had told Dylan something.
And then I was like, well,
I gotta let mom know. He's like, wait,
you're going to tell mom? I
was like, whoa, dude, we're,
we're in this together. Yeah. I forget
what it was. It wasn't true.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No,
I mean, you have to be the united front
because if they get an
inkling that they can divide you,
they'll work together. Yeah. So, but
it's, it's so far so good.
We're 27 years doing this.
And, uh, you know, hopefully as my entire
family knows, I'm hoping the
face of grandparent happens
in our lives. And that's going to be a
whole nother experience for us because
then we're parenting
our kids who are parents and get the joy
of watching that, but
also probably hopefully
give them advice on when they need it in
parenting and
watching the way they parent.
Because again, we have three Gen Z kids.
We have the oldest Gen Z,
our daughters are right in the middle and
our son's the youngest Gen
Z. And I will be very curious
how Gen Z parents, and I will be very
curious to see the
different, um, ages in Gen Z, how the
older one parents, the middle and the
younger, you know, if that changes,
because there's such a wide
range. Well, in our case, I think they
will, because they're all different
as much as they are similar and probably
have very similar value systems, um,
being siblings and us
being a pretty close family, there'll be
some similarities, but
they're very different. Each
one of them, their temperament's
different. I do think that's interesting
when it comes to parenting,
you would never, I wouldn't have thought
that, but again, I don't
know how much thought I put into
this before becoming a parent. Each one
is so different in how you
adjust or how you approach
them and adjust your communication style
to them and how they
react. It's, it's, it is wild.
It's an amazing thing. And I think that
the fact that you know that
is because another thing that
comes with open communication is it
allows you to know your children
authentically for who they
are. They do not have to pretend to be
someone else when they're
around you. And our kids have
had friends who act a different way
around their parents because they cannot
be honest with their
parents. You and I made a decision a long
time ago that no matter what
our kids are going through,
whether it's middle school, high school,
college, whether they're
partying, you know, whatever
they're doing, we want to know because we
want to truly know them,
who they are authentically.
And that's allowed us to get to know them
and understand they
really are three different
human beings with similar values. Yeah.
And, uh, but we need to
respect that. So not easy,
but the most wonderful, rewarding
experience in the world.
There's no question about it.
And it's still continuing. There is no
end until we die, you know,
and even then I'm going to
hunt them, but you know, there is anyone
who's thinking, Oh, okay. So
we can do this in 18 years.
Sure. You're going to be able to like,
you know, you get a little
more freedom as they get older.
You do, but the parenting never ends. It
never stops. If you're
involved with your children
and close with them, if you want, you
know, it just changes, but
it never ends. They do. There
is this morphing to the center in some
respects around, you start to
become more pure like in some
ways, which is a fascinating thing. I've
really enjoyed that. Um,
where you can start to talk shop
professional shop or whatever it might be
financial shop or
whatever those common things
are. That's no longer just parent child
dynamics. It's slightly more
pure like. Yeah. It's cool.
Yeah. So, so I think that's everything
for today that we wanted to
talk about, about that. Right.
I think so. We covered it. I think so.
That's been our experience
parenting our kids so far.
So far. So far, so good. So we'll see you
next time. All right.
Take care everybody. Bye.