# Episode 33 - Parenting Adult Children

- Podcast: GenX Adulting Podcast
- Published: 2025-05-20T02:00:00.000Z
- Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398379/episodes/17193548-episode-33-parenting-adult-children.mp3
- Page: https://genxadultingpodcast.com/transcripts/podcasts/genx-adulting-podcast/episodes/episode-33
- Source: https://genxadultingpodcast.com/episodes/genxadultingpodcastepisode33.html
- People: Brian Barker (host), Nicole Barker (host)

## Summary

In this episode, the hosts discuss the challenges and rewards of parenting adult children, particularly those in their twenties. They explore the transition from being a parent to becoming a supportive friend and mentor, emphasizing the importance of maintaining open communication and being a safe space for their children as they navigate adulthood.

## Key takeaways

- The twenties are a transitional decade filled with challenges for young adults.
- Parents should strive to be supportive without being overly involved.
- Maintaining open communication is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship.
- Adult children need to know they have a safe landing pad at home.
- It's important for parents to respect their children's autonomy while offering guidance.
- The relationship with adult children is a reward for the time invested during their childhood.
- Parents should adapt their roles from caregivers to mentors and friends.

## FAQ

### What are the main challenges of parenting adult children?

Parents often face the challenge of balancing support and independence, as adult children navigate their own lives and decisions.

### How can parents maintain a good relationship with their adult children?

Maintaining open communication, being supportive without overstepping, and showing love and pride in their achievements are key to a strong relationship.

### What should parents do if their adult children are struggling?

Parents should offer a listening ear and support while allowing their children to make their own decisions, providing guidance only when asked.

### Is it normal for parents to worry about their adult children?

Yes, it's common for parents to worry about their children's safety and well-being, especially as they face new challenges in adulthood.

### How can parents help their adult children feel secure?

Creating an open and welcoming home environment where adult children know they can return for support and guidance fosters a sense of security.


## Referenced links

- [Watch on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mYoXM5EKDk)
- [Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-33-parenting-adult-children/id1764838823?i=1000709081303)
- [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Z1lVkndJipGHVnaurLQGe)
- [Listen on Buzzsprout](https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398379/episodes/17193548-episode-33-parenting-adult-children)

## Transcript

[Music]
Welcome to GenX Adulting and today we are
talking about parenting adult children.
So a lot of GenXers have adult children
or have kids in their late teens.
I'm not saying there aren't GenXers that
are still raising young children because
people have children
at all different ages.
I'm just specifically talking about those
of us who have kids in their
late teens, 20s and early 30s,
but I think we're more focusing on that
20s decade because that seems to be when,
especially when your
kids get out of college
and they take their first steps into
"adulthood" and that's kind of what we're
focusing on is that first decade.
Because I find the 20s for kids, I call
it the second childhood, I think I told
my kids their 20s are going to be rough,
they're going to be awesome and they're
going to be rough and it's going to be a
wild ride, ups and downs,
because the frontal lobe closes during
your 20s, you go
through a huge maturity jump.
You kind of, once that happens,
especially you kind of see, I think see
life a little differently
and that's good or bad, right?
But you might get a little more
conservative in your decision making.
You might be able to look further on down
the line in your life. You might be able
to see the bigger picture more.
These are things that happen as you
mature and your frontal
lobe closes and as you grow.
But when you graduate from college and
you're first out there, especially for
the Gen Z generation,
which that's who Gen X raised.
Now there may be some Gen Xers who have
younger millennials.
I mean, I know there are. And then there
may be some Gen Xers that actually have
some Gen Alphas, which are, I want to say
that's like 13, 12, 11, 10.
You know, there's probably
some oopsie babies in there.
Bonus, bonus babies.
So we have one. We have a bonus baby. So
we have a 28 year old
son, a 24 year old daughter.
And then we have, so we had our, our 28
year old son when I was, when we were 26,
we had our 24 year old
daughter when we were 29.
And then we had our bonus baby when we
were 39. I was 39. You were 38. Yeah,
he's 15 now. And he's 15.
So our kids are three or older to a three
and a half years apart.
But then there's a 10 year age difference
between our daughter and youngest son and
a 13 year age difference between our
older son and our youngest son.
And that's a whole nother aspect is when
you end up with a bonus baby.
I have found we can touch on that a
little bit because I'm sure there's
people listening that
somebody has that situation.
One thing I focus on when I popped up
pregnant, you know, popping up pregnant
as unexpectedly can be very stressful.
It's not saying it's a negative thing.
But when your life is going one way and
then you have your oopsie,
you completely have to mentally and
emotionally change the thought process of
where your life is going.
Everything with your family and
especially for the woman adjusts to,
okay, I'm going to be pregnant again.
Usually if there's enough years, like for
me, it was 13 and 10, 10 years since I'd
had my last baby. I'm older.
I think I was considered a geriatric,
geriatric patient. I was 39.
It's a huge adjustment. Of course, it's
amazing and wonderful.
And you didn't realize that your family
wasn't complete until this baby comes.
And then you're like, oh, now we're
complete. But that's a huge adjustment.
And then I really tried to focus on
making sure that my
older two are older too.
We're close with him because I never
wanted him to feel like an only child or
feel left out from their bond.
And they did a great job. Well, it was
kind of like we all raised him, right?
Well, I think he's almost the most
parented child on the planet. Right.
That's what I joke about because he has
me, you, his two older
siblings and your mom.
Yeah, we all he's very highly parented.
He is because our older son, which
honestly, not to interrupt you,
but translates to very extremely loved
and looked after. Right.
He's extremely loved
in that sense. Yes. Yes.
So his arrival shocked all of us. And
then he just was loved.
But so our our older son, who's 13 years
older than him, kind of was almost like
like really a big brother,
but also like had had an
uncle vibe in a way. Yeah.
And then our daughter, who's 10 years
older than him, like, of
course, she was awesome.
She's like a little mommy
and still is to some degree.
So but they to their credit, they worked
hard to stay close to him.
They're very protective of him. But they
they're always conscious of not leaving
him out when they can.
You know, if they're going to
a bar, they can't bring him.
I know when he turns 21 that their worlds
are all going to change because he's
going to they're going
to bring him everywhere.
But I really now that he's 15 and they're
in their 20s, every year he gets older,
they get closer and closer.
But they've done things like our older
son has coached our younger
son's teams, basketball team.
Like they step in when needed. So this
will be the first year that I'm stepping
back and those two are
going to coach together.
Yes. Now, what's interesting is I do
think as I didn't think we're going into
this area, but as he gets older,
they become more like siblings. So it's
it's very less and less
parental and far more sibling.
And it's really been fun to watch. Yes.
That's yeah. That's what I mean.
Like he's getting old enough and then
they're older. They're older, like real
adults, I guess. Yeah.
So, yeah, they're way more becoming like
siblings. And yeah, our older son and
younger son are going to coach a
basketball team together this fall,
where it's always been our older son
coaching our younger son. So it's just
been cool to watch that progression.
And so for anyone out there who's maybe
popped up pregnant or you're you know,
you just had a bonus baby
and you have older kids,
we're here to say it does work. They stay
close. It does take effort. It takes
thoughtfulness. It takes intention.
But if the whole family puts that in and
we raise our older to to be conscious of
him as much as possible.
So but now, yeah, they're very close. But
what's interesting is that so he's in his
teens. So he's in high school,
which we've done that two times over. But
we also have two kids in their 20s and
parenting them, you know, it's it's
interesting parenting your kids that are
in their 20s because they're independent.
And wanting to create their own life. But
they definitely still need support and
guidance and to know you're there and
you're a safe landing pad.
They still need you there to be able to
call to run things by us like decisions
about jobs, about relationships, about
where they're going to live, about life
in general to share things just to be
we're like a bouncing
board, I guess you call it.
Call it for them. And I definitely think
kids in their 20s need that. They need to
know at any time they can reach out to
their parents and their parents will be
there 100 percent for
them with no judgment.
And I think the idea of, you know, they
won't be independent or they won't be
successful if you're too if
you're involved with them.
I don't totally agree with that. I mean,
I think you shouldn't be too involved,
but I think you should
still be there as a connection.
Well, it's an interesting point because I
agree that I was just thinking you can't
be too involved, but you can't. Meaning
if they they need to move out right at
some point and they do
need to be on their own.
They go through that in college if they
go to college, but if they're not in
college and whatever, they do need to get
out of the house at some
point and start to be responsible.
But once they hit that face, I don't
think you can be too and what you can, I
guess, but I don't see maybe if you're
always there bringing food or going over
to clean up their apartment or whatever.
Right. But to be available via any time a
phone call or text, I don't see that how
that you could be too
involved in that sense.
No, I agree. And speaking of when they
get out of college, you know, especially
for the Gen Z's, everything is so
expensive now that I know for our older
two, when they got out of college, they
moved back home and started saving money.
Like they there was no they first had to
get a job and then there wasn't this I'm
just going to go get an
apartment. It was too expensive.
Well, there was also COVID. When I first
got out of college, COVID hit.
Our older son.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But then our daughter to what COVID
wasn't going on when
she got out of college.
It was going on while she was in college.
Right. But talking about post college.
Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, he he moved home
because there COVID was going on. But he
also was saving money.
But then when she got out of college,
there was no COVID, but she still moved
home and actually still lives with us.
And it's been two years.
And she has saved a lot of money, but
she's ready to move out. But even then,
even though she has saved money, she's
got a great job. She's doing well.
It still costs so much to live on your
own. It really does. So, you know, she's
trying to figure out, do I get a
roommate? Can I afford to live out on my
own? It's a big leap.
Yep.
Because, you know, you're hoping
everything works out always with your job
and all those things. So I think it's
just a big risk for them now just because
everything is so expensive. Because even
our older son lived with us and then
moved out and lived on his own for like a
year and a half almost.
And then at least here in Florida, the
rents doubled and tripled. And he had to
and his roommate moved and he had to move
back home with us for a year.
Was it a year? I thought it was like
almost a bridge. I
thought it was a few months.
No, it was almost a year. Really? Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe it was nine. I thought it was
a year. Yeah. I thought it was a year. I
have to look, think back.
I thought it was like between when
another friend of his, his lease had to
go. And then so he moved in with us. And
then once his lease expired, they got one
together. And I don't think
it was a year, but it was.
It was almost a year. It was maybe not.
Let's say nine months either way. Yeah.
But but we were that landing path for
him. And so that goes to that open nest
versus emptiness concept. So I'm not a
believer in an emptiness. For me, an
emptiness does not exist
because we have an open nest.
The nest is here. The nest has a swinging
door and you can come back to the nest
whenever you need for whatever reason,
even if you're married and you already
have kids. If you need to land in our
nest again for some reason, it's here.
And so I'm not, I know there's people
that talk about, oh, emptiness and you
know, it's, it's, they're sad about it.
And I get that. I understand kids leaving
and that the shift in life. That's,
that's what they're talking about is I
was a parent for, you know, 20 years or
18 years or however many kids you have
could be 30 years. Now they're not here.
And I need to find my new focus in life.
So I think it's more
talking about that midlife change.
But I don't, I don't, we don't have an
emptiness. We will never have an
emptiness. It'll always be an openness.
And I think there's a security that comes
for kids. You know, our kids are adults,
but it's just a comfort knowing if things
really go sideways. We're here.
They have a backstop. Yeah. So I don't
know what would equate to involved with
your, with adult children. Like I mean,
you stated like they should end up like
they can come home and, and be with us.
And then they should at some point live
on their own and pay their bills, do
their laundry, clean
their house, all those things.
So if they're living on their own, is
there still a way to be too involved?
I think so. If you, if you were at his
house cleaning it weekly, if you went
over and did his laundry, if you were to
bring him meals once or not once, but
more than three times a
week or something like that.
Yeah. That's, I think that's too
involved. If you're too involved in
navigating relationships, you know,
especially female ones, things like that.
Absolutely. If you're critical, I think
of the choices that they're making, even
if you don't like them, you know, maybe
you and I could bitch about them, but to
actively in, in, in confront or engage
too often on too many things
that could be too involved.
I think none of which we do. So that's an
interesting point. I think that's one of
the most challenging things about having
adult children is having
to stand on the sidelines.
And know that the decisions they make are
not the best ones. And there could be a
better decision or knowing that they're
choosing a harder path than need be, but
having to be careful how you give advice
so that they don't feel like you're telling them what to do.
Because they want independence. They want
autonomy, understandably so. But with age
comes wisdom. So sometimes you just have
to bite your tongue and know, okay, this
is going to be way harder
than it needs to be for them.
Or they have to go through this and we
just have to stand by. And cause you feel
the hurt and the pain or whatever while
you're watching them go through it.
But don't you think that starts earlier?
Meaning I've always said that, and I tell
people this, if they're when people,
younger couples show up pregnant, right?
It's like, oh, that's cool. You got nine
months to figure it out
because they're nervous, right?
Right. Everything in life prepares you
for the next thing. So you're pregnant
for 40 weeks. If it goes full term,
that's a lot of time to kind of figure
things out, get your nursery ready,
figure it all out. Right.
And then the baby comes in. It's like,
oh, that was semi anti-climatic because I
just have to hold it and take care of it.
And not I'm over simplifying it, but it
gets you ready for when they're walking,
walking gets you ready
for when they're running.
I think it gets where you start to see
them tripping up as probably high school.
And then in the college, the decisions
are stupid. Often as they get out of
college, I think their decisions start to
get incrementally better.
But you're already prepared because
you've seen stupid shit in high school
and college. That makes
sense. Would you agree?
It does. But the, I agree. But the
difference is, is in high school as
parents, we still have a say, we still
have some control over what they do. If
they, well, if they don't, uh, you know,
listen to us, if they're doing something
they shouldn't be doing, they can still
lose privileges. Right.
And we hold the power of the purse.
That's what I'm talking about too. And
then in college, especially if your
parents are paying for your college or if
your parents are giving you spending
money, if they're
paying for something, okay.
The parents do still have some control
and anyone who wants to say they don't,
that's not true. If there are parents who
are giving any type of funds, whether it
be a hundred dollars a month, even for
food, all the way to paying a full ride
of college, those
parents still have a say.
Let me ask you this though. What do you,
what's the threshold? Cause to me
mentally, it's probably as long as you're
getting good grades and you're not, you
don't have a criminal record. You're
getting good grades.
The leash is pretty long.
It is. Right. No, I would say like, if
you're in college, if you're a parent and
you're funding a part of your kids'
college experience, then yes, I would say
you need to make your grades. You need to
not be getting DUIs and arrested.
Yeah. Yeah. You know, if you are
partying, you need your partying, can't
you don't, these are not getting good
grades. You gotta get these fees type of
thing. Yeah. But I mean, I think there's
some C's that happened in college and
it's like, you know, nobody's asking what
your GPA was in college. It's not totally
common. Let's be honest. It really isn't
right. So you know what I mean? Like
you're, you're, you're maintaining your,
your, you're going well.
It's like, you know, I would definitely I
had access to the portals and stuff, but
it wasn't an issue, but if it became an
issue, that becomes a lever as a parent
to say, Hey, you're getting C's. The
shit's expensive. Yes.
Everything's expensive. You need to do
better than C's. Right. So yeah, but I
think if you have parents, if your
parents aren't paying for anything, they
don't have a say in when you're in
college. So what I'm speaking about is
just if the parents are
contributing in some way, right?
So yeah, it would be, it would be grades
mainly. And like you said, not getting
arrested and stuff like that. But I will
say just sending advice for parents who
are about to send their kids to school.
One way, one a great way to get them to
stay in contact. If you, if you are
funding them, you know, cause our parents
who do fund their kids in college, make,
make, don't, don't just
replenish their bank account.
Like they have to text you or call you to
get the money. That was always made sure
not that there was an issue with
communication, but you know, you don't
just automatically replenish it. You
know, then, then at least you get that
text or that phone call by, I only have
$5 left. Can you put some money in? And
then you get to communicate with them a
little bit. So that was always my little
trick. But so let's, so let's say you
still have had some sort
of control in college. Okay.
Either way, once they're out of college,
now they're in their twenties and they're
on their own. And so as you, there is no
more control. Like your hands off
completely. You're, it's like really the
first time as parents, when they get out
of college or if they graduated high
school and went right to work, those two
scenarios are the first time you have no
control over your kids. They are making
their own decisions. And you have to sit back and just hold your hands up.
Hold your breath and hope that they're
making the right decisions. And I have
found that at times to be harder than any
part of our parenting journey. I have
been more worried about our kids when
they've been in their
twenties than maybe any other time.
And that's saying a lot because middle
school is rough and so, and high school
can be too, but because they're out
there, they're living in the real world
and the decisions they make can be life
altering. And they're, they're just out
there doing life on their own. And it's,
it can be, it can cause so much stress as
a parent, especially when you know,
they're doing, they're maybe making
decisions that that's not necessarily
like the best decision to do right now, but they're doing it.
But they want to do it. And so you have
to just like sit by and be like, okay, go
ahead and then know that.
I would say that for me, it was more when
they were in college. And, and I think
the reason why is because each, each of
our older kids have gotten jobs and
they've never been fired from jobs. So
that's a good indicator whether they're
showing up and, and, you know, staying
employable is a good thing.
If you're, if you're screwing up your,
your boss will fire you, then we would
find out. Yeah. So I found I've worried
less post-graduation than I
did when they were in college.
It's weird though. Yeah. Yeah.
Cause I've worried more and you know what
I worry about since, and this could have
been starting in when they were in
college, but when they graduated college
and they're in their
twenties, their mental health.
I've worried them. I've always worried
about mental health, but I have worried
the most with our kids in their twenties
about their mental health because they're
out there again, living life and dealing
with all the things.
And it's not easy. It's, it's, it isn't
easy. Like I know Gen X, we like to
pretend like, ah, we did it all. It's
not, doesn't mean it wasn't easy. You
know, we were kind of just grinding
through a lot of stuff and not
acknowledging certain things.
But to Gen Z's credit, they're very
present and they don't deny themselves
the right to, um, experience and think
about a situation. They don't
always just grind through it.
Like take the hits, take the pain and
grind through it. They'll actually give
themselves the grace to say, I don't
think this is the best thing
for me. I'm not doing that.
Or this isn't the best situation for me.
I'm going to make a different decision.
And I don't, Gen X didn't totally do
that. We just did what we
thought we were supposed to do.
I give Gen Z a lot of credit for, um,
kind of sticking up for themselves.
What makes you see Gen X just did it like
that? Cause I, I kind of think back, you
know, definitely you got to think through
things, you know, twenties
are three decades ago for us.
So it's hard to put yourself back in that
time, but I do recall working for someone
who said, it was a mentor at the time,
Roger. And it was, he's like,
yeah, your twenties are tough.
They're the toughest years for anybody
because you're, you're, you're pretty
smart because you went, you know, you're
just, you think, you know, some things.
No one's going to give you a real shot.
They'll give you some
opportunities, but nothing too crazy.
Um, you're not going to get paid what you
might think you're worth. And, uh, what
was the other one? It was like, I forget
what the other one was, but it was like,
it's just hard because the twenties
you're, you think you're there, but the
rest of the world doesn't
think you're quite ready.
Yeah. No, I think that's a really good
point. I think that's something that
probably every generation has gone
through, but I think you bring up a great
point. You know, they're not getting paid
what they think they're worth or what
they think they're capable of.
They have to start at a certain, uh,
yeah, pay grain. Um, and they are viewed
as quote unquote kids. Yep. Right. So,
and that's hard to get past because you
were kind of at the peak. You know, you
got through college and you graduated and
you're at the high of life.
And then you enter into the workforce and
you're kind of down at the bottom again.
But I remember the last one, it was
anybody older than you doesn't trust you.
They don't trust your judgment as a 20
something because you're a little bit older than you.
And then you're like, well, you're not going to be able to do anything because
you're younger than them. And they're
everything I just said, you know, you
don't have the experience, blah, blah,
blah. Um, you may know a lot, but the
older folks you're, and this is more
professionally, but it also is personal.
You just don't get taken as seriously as
you think maybe you should.
And it's, that's kind of a gut punch in
some ways. Yes. I think that those are,
and I definitely think that Gen Z as a
whole from society. I think a lot of
people judge them. A lot of people don't
think they have a good work ethic. A lot
of people think they're spoiled and
titled and whiny. But I feel like I
remember boomers talking about
millennials that way. Right. Yeah. I
don't know if anyone talks about, no one
noticed us and no one said anything about Gen X. But, um, I think that's a good thing.
I think about Gen X, but I feel like
millennials got a lot of bad hits and
they, they were the ones they still do,
but millennials brought the, um,
work-life balance into corporate America.
There was no question about it. And they
brought, um, the men and women in
marriage and relationships, sharing more
responsibilities, the men being more
responsible. They brought that into
society, like the cultural shift.
But Gen Z really, there's either people
who love Gen Z or people who can't stand
Gen Z. And a lot of people think us Gen
Xers raised a bunch of spoiled brats.
Who do you think is saying that? You
think that's coming from the boomers?
I think a lot of boomers. And then I
think, I think there's Gen Xers and I bet
you there's some elder millennials. I do
that. Um, think that we overcompensated
by being helicopter parents
and created spoiled brats.
I do think there are people who think
that for sure. And I think the fact that
Gen Z will speak up for themselves and
will say, I'm not comfortable with that
or this doesn't work for me. Whether it's
appropriate that they're doing that or
not, that makes people uncomfortable
because that's probably the first
generation that truly has gone into the
workforce and, and said those things.
I think that, I think that's so
contextual though. In the workforce, in
an environment that's not conducive to
that, it's not going to fly. But in
another work environment where it's okay,
then it will fly and
it's probably healthy.
What work environment would it be okay?
Probably Starbucks. Right? Starbucks is
pretty, you know, quote unquote woke,
right? They get a, they get the
reputation of being woke. But there's,
there's elements of woke that's okay.
One of them might be speaking your piece
in your mind. Okay. Right. So, but in
general, I would say most places where
people work that are already in
existence, you bring in this new
generation that's going to stay.
This doesn't make me feel comfortable. I
want something that's different than
this. I would say in general, most places
are not, are going to, that's going to be
an adjustment for them. Well, better
example. Now that I've had a few seconds
to think about it
would be the tech industry.
Google, Meta, right? Who else? Oracle,
all these Silicon Valley companies,
right? They've started, they, and part of
it, it's, it's kind of a, it's actually
funny because you think this is
wonderful. Look at these benefits. They,
they want to take care of us.
They want to keep you there.
The cafeterias, the free, you know,
massages, the onsite daycare, all of that
stuff is conducive to keeping you there.
But they also let people, if the CEO
comes on and Tim Cook comes on at Apple
and says, we're going to do this or that.
They, there's some freedom to revolt, not
revolt, but to have an opinion,
salesforce.com. If they do something,
they move into a different area. They
invest in something. They
take a stand politically.
Their employees are allowed to have a
voice. Now that's not everywhere, but
those companies allow that. And it's
interesting. I don't know if they do say
at Home Depot, Walmart, they're not,
they're more traditional, right? I don't
think they're saying, yeah, we want to
hear your feedback. Not really.
So do you think that a lot of Gen Z's are
going into that field or working for
those companies? And
that's one of the reasons.
Well, I think they are by default because
it pays very well. It's technical. It's
something that they've grown up with an
interest in, right? Computers. And it's
developing, developing software and
applications and
things like that. So sure.
Sure. Okay. That makes sense. So I do
think Gen Z gets, gets viewed as a very
anxious generation. They've seen a lot of
them. Do you think that,
do you think that's because they're
comfortable expressing that they have
anxiety right now and that other
generations like us, Gen X and
millennials and probably boomers did have
the same anxieties, but
just at least for Gen X.
That was not something that we discussed.
That was not something that was even
addressed. I'm not sure with millennials.
I don't know. But do you think it's just
that they talk about it? It's not that
it's unusual that they're feeling it.
It's that we all know they're feeling it
because they talk about it and they're
comfortable with that. Or do you think
they have higher anxiety for some reason?
No, I think it's interesting. I think I
don't know the shift. I can only speak
for myself. I'm not, I don't know for
others, but as a people manager, I love
the millennials and Gen Z's. I love the
communication because you want to get
the, say the, you want things to work,
right? You hire good people. You want to
keep them. You want to understand what
makes them tick. You want to, you want to
make it fulfilling, right? You want to
make it frictionless and
productive and, you know,
and for lots of reasons for maybe some
self-serving, obviously, but a lot for
just let's have a good time here. And
they're communicative. They do
communicate and they will share what
their goals are and what their
aspirations are. And they're not as
closed up as someone like me coming in. I
won't say, "Shit, you know, what's the
rules? I'll follow the rules. What do I
need to wear? I'll wear what I need to
wear." And I hate that,
right? That drove me crazy.
It was such a conflict, right? Whereas
these younger people, they, things have
more relaxed corporate culture wise and
that could just be, we're in Florida,
right? But you know, New York's probably
still a little bit up tight, but West
coast is still, is mellow. But I think
it's good. I think, I think
it's good. I think it's healthy.
Well, like you just said, is it Gen X or
you just like, we're like, okay, what are
the rules? I'm going to fit into the
rules. And I almost feel like Gen Z is
coming into the workforce saying, okay,
like I get that these are the rules, but
rule one and three, not totally
comfortable with. Could we like do
something about those roles where Gen
Xers would never, we would never, we
would have just been like, okay, those
are the rules. Okay.
No, I think we would, but it'd be more,
and I'm not a smoker, but at the smoker's
tent, you bitch. You go to the smoker's
tent and you bitch about things. Maybe
you go and you just, you know, you kind
of complain. But then once, but once you
become right, the older guard retires,
the next generation comes in. That's your
opportunity to change things. If you're
paying attention and not a jerk, it's
your opportunity to say, okay, I'm now in
a position of where I can make a change.
I have some influence.
What didn't I like? What are these people
saying? Let's do it. That kind of thing.
And I think that's important as Gen X is
starting to maybe become the quote
unquote elders in the corporate world and
holding more responsibility. I think it's
important that we recognize we don't, we
can like shed some of the box we've lived
in when it comes to work and maybe listen
to Gen Z, some of the things that we're doing.
Some of the ideas they bring and maybe
acknowledge the millennials and what they
have been trying to like get through to
people for so long and be progressive.
I would say a more direct statement would
be not that maybe we should be better
because if you don't, you're going to be
out of a work. Unless you're
independently wealthy and don't need to
be working or anything.
You have to adapt and the adaptation is
both your own growth into say advancing
or more responsibility, but seeing what
the folks that are younger kind of behind
you and what they're doing and saying and
thinking and feeling, you have
to adapt. You have to change.
Yeah. And I think if you do, it forces
you to also have a little bit more of an
authentic relationship with your
subordinates probably, you know, which is
not something that
was ever given to Gen X.
No, not really.
You know? So I think what Gen Z is
bringing into the workforce is positive.
Now, I know there are situations where
there is no, there is a bad work ethic
and they're not a good employee.
But I think that's true for every
generation. Absolutely. Every generation
has that. That's not a generational
thing. That's people. And I think the
fact that Gen Z is so comfortable
communicating how they're feeling,
communicating what they're thinking is
because they were raised by Gen X and we
were, we had open
communication with them.
We wanted them to talk to us. We wanted
them to feel comfortable sharing what is
going on in their life, their feelings,
their thoughts. We wanted to be a
nonjudgmental safe place for them. So
they grew up talking to their parents and
sharing things because we
wanted to break that cycle.
And so now they're in their twenties as
adults and they're talking and sharing at
their jobs. And so for a lot of Gen Xers
or Boomers or even elder millennials,
that can feel uncomfortable. Like, oh my
gosh, they're always sharing their
thoughts. But it's like, that's how
they've been raised.
They weren't raised to close themselves
off. We all were like, no, share. We're
here. We'll listen
because no one listened to us.
So, and that could be that extreme that
people are like, Gen X went crazy raising
their kids and made them entitled. What
we made them entitled to was having a
voice because we didn't have one. So we
made sure our kids had a voice.
And so, yeah, society is going to have to
deal with that. But I think that's a
positive thing. I don't
think that's a negative thing.
No, no, I, you know, it's interesting.
I'm thinking about that in terms of just
to bring it back to parenting, right?
Everything I just said is professionally
oriented. But at the same time, my advice
to our two kids is to
communicate with their boss.
That's not something I would have said
probably if I didn't have kids. I don't
know. It's interesting to think how did I
have kids shift us as people, right?
That's a fascinating whole other topic.
Oh yeah. But the, you know, if there's
something going on in the workplace for
either kid, I'm like, talk to your boss,
you know, and try to guide
them on the conversation. Yeah.
Knowing that it could be completely
uncomfortable. But at the end of the day,
it's like, listen, you get
fired. Come home. We gotcha.
And that's part of that openness. And I'm
sure there's some people that would judge
that, be like, you know, that you
shouldn't be a landing pad so they feel
that they can just get fired. But the
days of you should hold a job, the same
job for 20 years are over.
Yeah. Gen Z can bounce jobs. It's common
for them to have a job for a year and go
get another job. Like
that's their culture.
I'm not an advocate of that per se. And I
say that for career development. I think
in order to make the most amount of
money, you need to skip jobs a few times.
Then you, but you should settle down. I
do believe in that. And that could be
wrong. Maybe that's terrible advice.
And I don't think any advice I've ever
given our kids is to push it too far to
get fired. But it's more the, hey, what
about this? Or what about that? And do it
in a delicate way. I try to advise them
right to guide that conversation. They're
smart, so they get it.
But I don't advise you.
I would never advise anybody to advise
your children to go in and push the
buttons of the boss to
get fired. That's stupid.
Right. Right. But I think we've raised
them to feel again, that they have a
voice and they have a right to, um, to
have expectations. I think that was
something that when Gen X was entering
their workforce, we just assumed, well,
we're at the bottom of the barrel. So we
aren't allowed expectations. That's to
have our own expectations. That's
something that we earn
the longer you're at a job.
But I think the world's changed too,
right? Because what I'm describing from
my own experience, the bosses were
boomers and silent
generation could give a shit about me.
What now that I'm in a position where
I've got people reporting to me, I care.
I truly do. And others do. I'm not alone,
right? The others truly care and take an
interest in the people that are on their
teams and in their
organizations and whatnot.
So there's a huge difference and I, and
it is okay to approach and have a
conversation and people
are receptive to it. I think.
Would you say it's safe to say that the
millennials brought
humanity into the corporate world?
I honestly don't know
what you mean by that.
So what I mean is that they, again,
work-life balance and that they force the
issue of you can't just
treat us all like robots.
Like you have to acknowledge we do have a
family or we do have children or we do
have goals and we
feel strongly about them.
That they couldn't just be as easily put
into a box, maybe as Gen
X was on the work front.
Yeah, I think that the box is definitely
bigger or different. Probably if that
makes sense to answer and
what you're where you're going.
But I don't know. I don't know if I have
enough perspective quite yet on in terms
of the previous generation and style.
Because the world's changed, the
industries have changed. There's always
been software
development, but not really.
That's really something
new in our generation.
Like the Apple 2C, Steve Jobs and Wozniak
built the Apple computer in their garage
in what the 70s or 80s.
IBM has always had the mainframe and the
big iron boxes going back to probably the
30s, 40s and 50s and the 1900s.
But all of this stuff has changed so much
that it's just very different.
So as the corporate world has changed, as
the landscape has changed, you don't know
if it's as generational as it is just the
change, the technology
that's come into play.
You know, now that I have another half a
second to think about it, if you think
about it, what's gone on in our lifetime,
we've got mega corporations.
Meaning when I was a kid, we'd go to a
company called Two Guys or 84 Lumber, 84
Lumber, still around, but local lumber
stores, they're gone.
They're gone, but they employed people.
And those people were silent generation,
probably boomers, and they employed
people and it was a certain way.
There were smaller grocery stores that
employed people and ran things a
different way. It was
tighter, it was smaller.
All those companies, not all, but Kroger,
Safeway, Albertson, Walmart, Target have
just destroyed all of them.
Pharmacies used to be mom and pops. So if
you were working there, you were working
for the mom and pop and whatever, and
they probably worked long hours and they
expect you to work long hours.
They're gone. It's Walgreens and it's
CVS. When I was a kid, I worked for my
cousins. They had a
custom cabinetry shop.
And it wouldn't be uncommon for me at 17
years old to be, you know, it's like four
o'clock on a Thursday.
We need you to drive to Patterson, New
Jersey, 45 minutes away without traffic
and go pick up this sink and bring it
back so we can
install it tomorrow, right?
And it was just like, okay, I'm going.
The world's changed.
It's big companies now.
And so there are people do have a voice
because of HR rules and laws and class
action lawsuits and all this stuff,
right? It's become far more mechanized.
Does that make sense?
Yeah. So you're saying that because of
that, it has created a space more for
kids like Gen Z that are entering the
workforce to be protected in a way.
There are certain
labor protections for sure.
And also there's also a lot more slots,
meaning you're going to be barista level
one and then you're going to get promoted
to barista level two and
then barista level three.
Right. And each one has a box per se. And
whereas if it's a smaller company, you
know, you work at the local coffee shop,
it's like, okay, you're you're starting.
All right, cool. Now you're going to be
doing this. You're doing that. And maybe
your pay goes up. Maybe it doesn't. I
don't know. But you do it all. Okay.
If that does that make sense?
Yeah. Yeah. But there's more. Yes,
there's more advanced organized
advancement, I guess.
There's organized advancement, partly
because of labor unions, but also just to
have some sanity because
you don't want to get sued.
Right. Right. Right. Yeah. So that allows
them also to have more of a voice
probably for if there's not comfortable
with something or because my point is...
Well, think of it this way, not to
interrupt you, but there's OSHA laws.
There's... I feel terrible not
remembering this, but the Disabilities
Act, I forget the full name,
that's what I feel bad about.
But those laws are in place to protect
people from discrimination and stuff.
They didn't exist a generation or two
ago, right? Right. That stuff exists now.
So I just feel like when Gen X was
entering the workforce in their twenties,
there's a lot more things they just
accepted as part of their job. It can be
something as simple as you only get a 10
minute break at 10 o'clock.
Yeah. And you get a 10 minute break at
two o'clock. And other than that, you
better be working to the grindstone and
we expect you to do this, do that.
And you don't quite... I don't think
necessarily it was normal culture for Gen
X to question that. It was like, "Okay,
this is what's required of my job. This
is what I'm gonna do."
I feel like... and millennials probably
open the door on this, but Gen Z is
coming into the workforce saying, like,
if they're not comfortable with something
like that, they'll go into their superior
and say, "You know, I need 15 minutes or
I need more breaks. This is not right."
I feel like Gen X gave Gen Z a voice and
they're using it in the workforce. And I
think that's where some of the backlash
comes from of people like they're spoiled
or they, you know, they're babies, but
they're really just saying, "No, this is
crazy. Like, I need more
than 10 minutes. Anyone would."
It's just Gen X was like, "Okay, we'll
just... we do what we're supposed to
say." Where Gen Z is saying, "No, you
should want more than 10 minutes."
You know, does that make sense?
Yeah, I can think of a specific example
where people who smoke, right? You're
supposed... to your point, the old model
was if you're working eight hours a day,
maybe two hours in, you
get a 15-minute break.
You go smoke, go for a walk, whatever.
Then you have lunch for half an hour and
then another whatever, 15-minute break.
And I recall specifically one person, the
smokers take advantage of that, right?
The smokers are out smoking all the time
in the corporate world. And I remember
someone's like, "This is bullshit. You
know, these guys are... we're expected to
be here at our desk and working all the
time, but these guys that smoke, they're
out there all the time."
And, you know, it's just not fair.
Right.
And it was like, "Eh,
maybe you're on to something."
But no one did anything about it. You
just like said that and
then you just kept working.
Whereas I think in the Gen Z world, if
smoking was common in the Gen Z world,
and let's say you had half the employees
are going out and smoking whenever they
need to and the other half aren't, those
Gen Z employees are going to say
something about that.
No, that's what I'm saying. It was the
Gen Z who... it was probably a millennial
who said this to me. And it was like,
"Yeah, I mean, you're
on to something there."
It was the first time that you really
were like questioning it or like to that
degree. They brought
it to your attention.
I had noticed it and I just didn't
totally care. It was like, I didn't care
because it's like, "I'll go walk to the
cafeteria or whatever."
I'm not honoring that rule anyways.
Right? Because Gen X, right? I'm not
following that rule. That rule is stupid.
I'm just going to figure out how to go
around it type of thing, I
guess, if that's our culture.
Okay. So maybe when things would get
uncomfortable at work, Gen X would just
quietly break a rule or figure out a way
to get around a rule, but
they did it individually.
Like, "This isn't comfortable for me. So
I'm just going to figure out a way to
make this comfortable for me." Whereas
millennials and Gen Z were like, "This
isn't comfortable and we're
changing it for everyone."
We're going to bring it to the bosses and
say, "This rule you have is not right or
fair. You better change it."
Whereas Gen X would just be like, "Well,
I'm just going to do this instead and
take care of
themselves if that makes sense."
They would have never thought to say, "I
should bring this to the bosses and have
a full company shift."
I feel like, you know, it's funny. I
think Gen X is probably, we probably were
more rebellious and you see that in a lot
of the commentary, right? Around some of
the stuff we put up and
more feral and this and that.
But I think we would ditch. We'd find
someone that would be in our corner and
we'd probably complain together and then
figure out how to rebel together, but not
go and try to take
action and change the world.
We're not changing the world, right?
Whereas the Gen Z and millennials are
trying to change the world.
Well, the younger millennials, I think
the older millennials are at this point,
just like we just want
to garden and stay home.
I think they're starting to take after
Gen X a little, like leave us alone. But
I just think, I think with Gen X raising
Gen Z to have a voice and then now
they're in their twenties and they're
entering corporate world.
They're entering the workforce and they
are writing on the backs of the changes
millennials started
making on the corporate front.
And I think it's even more shock to the
system because I think one of the reasons
millennials got such backlash is because
they were the first to really bring
things to the
forefront of this isn't right.
This isn't fair. Things need to change.
Work-life balance stuff, whatever it was.
And then now you have Gen Z coming in
who've been raised by Gen X and they're
like, yeah, that was great. Those things
you change, but that's not enough.
You better change this on the other thing
and we're going to be very loud about
this. And that's where I
think it can get rough.
There can be some backlash, you know,
because and I think there's Gen Z's that
have been working and think this is BS
and they're they're
looking for other jobs.
They're not they're not tied like Gen X
was like, well, I got to state this job
for five years so I
can get this movement.
They're more like after a couple of
years. Okay, this is not working for me.
I'm getting a new job.
I don't think they're scared of changing
jobs. Whereas that was not our culture.
Gen X was you stayed in a job.
I honestly think that's an individual
person thing because I know that and you
know, you went along
for the ride with me.
I moved from I worked at a nursery and I
had a job lined up, but I needed to get
paid out on a on a sales commission.
So I didn't tell anybody and it was a big
deal. Like I left that job on Friday and
started a new job Monday.
I don't know if you remember that or not.
Yeah. But then we moved across country
from Oregon to New Jersey for a job.
I got paid a little more money. Not
nothing worth the move, but there were a
thousand other reasons
to make the move. Right.
Then but then as I was there got a couple
of promotions, but then I left and
doubled my salary and a lot
of those guys stayed there.
They were smart. They were capable, but
they stayed there and got paid that
smaller wage. Right.
And then shortly after I went again
because I was going to get paid more and
then they showed me no loyalty.
So why would I stick around? Right. But
ideally, I mean, ultimately I had two
kids in you in a house.
And so I moved on again and
I think I doubled my salary.
And then I got to a point where I was
like, OK, I'm cool now.
So that's what I mean.
I think it's good to jump around a little
bit, especially in the beginning to get
your salary to where you want it to be.
But just to go back to what I was where I
started was that's an individual thing.
Some people just find the spot, they get
comfortable and they stay.
And it's the worst
thing you can do in my mind.
I mean, I think it's a good thing for
your mental development, your sanity.
Maybe it's a sane play because you're
safe and you feel safe
and you're comfortable.
But people, I think
it's an individual choice.
But I don't think the Gen Z's need to be
in one spot to feel safe.
That's what I'm saying.
Like what you're talking about.
Yeah, I get that's what you made those.
I mean, I think that's fairly in Gen Z
world, a decent amount of time.
You still held those
jobs like Gen Z's don't.
I don't think that they feel they need to
stay for any certain amount of time if
they're not happy somewhere.
Like I think they'll walk
away from a job after six months.
I think they'll walk away
from a job after a year.
You weren't doing that. No.
So I think your concept of staying
somewhere is still different
than Gen Z's cultural concept.
They are willing to jump ship after six
months for irrational
reasons or for good reasons.
That's when we get into
how we look at things.
So it could be 100% rational to them, but
maybe to a boomer, it's absolutely
irrational or it is just rational.
Obviously that's
determined by each situation.
I know, but what I mean is as a third
party person looking in, you know, I
believe all my moves were 100% rational
in hindsight 2020 and
they're still rational.
But I do you think that they have they
would have that same experience?
Do you think that they would they're
being irrational in their moves or that
it's truly the right move?
I think that I don't know, obviously
depends on the person, but I do think
that Gen Xers would stay in a job that
they were uncomfortable with or even
working for someone that made them
uncomfortable and hang in
there even for two years.
And I think Gen Z will be like, no. Yeah,
I think they'll like it.
I think Gen X women worked for male
bosses that made passes at them that did
very inappropriate stuff,
even subtle, even subtle.
You know, think about Gen X women had to
deal with so much misogyny and
chauvinism and all that crap.
And that could be some of the differences
that Gen Z women, if they're in a job and
any of that's
happening, they're reporting it.
And if it's not getting changed, they're
quitting. Even if they
work there for four months.
Yeah. So and maybe that's it. I bet
that's simply there.
So Gen Z is going into the workforce in
their 20s and Gen X has emboldened them
with a voice and with expectations and
Gen X has their back.
And so they're showing up like strong.
They're showing up with total autonomy,
with self-respect, with
standards and with boundaries.
And I think they're the first real
generation that's entering at entry level
or entering a job with boundaries and
standards and a voice like that.
And so that's where some of the strife
can come because you're working for older
generations who maybe are taking it as,
oh my God, they think who they are.
They're so entitled. They're so spoiled,
but they're really just showing up with,
you know, confidence
and high self-esteem.
You know, what's interesting is what
you're describing almost is the melding
of corporate America
and this new generation.
And it's there's somewhat of an alignment
probably for the first time because what
you're saying is, yeah, they're showing
up with standards and whatever, right?
And if they don't get met, they're out.
The reality is there is a program. It's
not like they're coming in and changing
the program. There's rules.
So corporate America is pretty much
adapted to that to say, okay, this is
what you want. All right. This is what
you get. And there are rules.
So it's kind of not saying it's a fit.
Just saying if that is what I'm saying
makes sense that corporate America is
aligned to these things.
There are, you can't be inappropriate to
a woman. It's just not okay. And you will
get fired. You will get managed out and
women have vehicles to report it, right?
And people are not afraid to be
witnesses, right? If you see someone be
inappropriate with a woman or even a man,
you know, there's people are
not afraid to be witnesses.
And HR is fine doing investigations,
getting to the truth and firing everybody
if they ask you. They're
there to protect the company.
No, yeah, you're right. I think Gen Z has
way more protections probably than any
generation ever, for sure. So I don't
know the whole, is Gen Z happy in their
jobs, in their twenties, any more than
Gen X or millennials were?
I mean, here's the way. No, absolutely
not. And I'll tell you why. There's
absolutely not. There's a major problem
going on right now in the world,
especially in probably this country.
And we saw it with Ben's episode, right?
When Ben was talking about he's trying to
have work-life balance. He's producing
probably the top
sales guy in the company.
New boss comes in. He's a boomer. Doesn't
like his style. Doesn't like his haircut.
Doesn't like the fact that he's surfing
after work. Fires him. That's stupid.
So no, no, there's a problem. And we saw
in the response to that, there's a lot of
20-somethings that are not, are very
disenfranchised with the system.
And it's partly probably because
corporations have met them and not that
they've boxed them in, but you want all
this stuff? All right,
here you go. You got it.
And this is going to be your pay. And
these are going to be your hours. And
these are the rules. And you get to do
all these things that
you think are important.
You don't have maybe a dress code. You
can have an earring in your nose and your
eyebrow. You can grow your
hair long. You can have tattoos.
That shit wasn't good when we were young,
but it's all allowed now, right? But
there are still rules and there is still
conformity. It's just
different conformity.
Yeah. Yeah. So, um, has any generation
been okay in corporate America? Or do you
think, I mean, I understand that it's
different for them, but do you think, do
you think anybody walked into corporate
America in their 20s
and was okay with it?
I feel like boomers did.
Well, no, very interesting question. I do
think boomers probably were. And if you
think about it, what I grew up with,
right? Gen X was go get a job at IBM or
get a job at AT&T and go become a
salesman and work there for 45 years.
And you'll have a pension or go get a job
at the government, right? Remember the
movie? This, and I've
got to watch this again.
What was it? The death of a salesman or a
death was, was either.
Yeah. Right. That that's probably
timeless. I got to watch it again. I
didn't watch it and
appreciate it at the time.
But maybe back then, but at the same
time, there's no way the 1967, the summer
of love, right? Dropped in or tune in,
drop out, right? The whole hippie
movement, the whole, that was a rebellion
against corporate America and how things were formed.
Functioning the war, the government,
right? It was the whole thing. So no,
there's always been issues.
Yeah, I don't know. I do know that, you
know, it does seem like you said that a
lot of Gen Z doesn't like corporate life.
I think startups offer a little bit of a,
I guess, compromise because it seems like
the way they approach things is way
different than traditional,
a traditional corporation.
So that may be a landing pad for Gen Z's
and young millennials where they feel
that it's a good fit for them.
It all depends. Startups are fun, but it
all comes down to who the principal
owners are and how crazy they are, right?
If they're nuts, which they probably are,
they're probably demanding.
You're probably working 60 hours a week
with the potential of, you know, you
could make a lot of money. Sure can,
right? But there's a lot of manic, nutty
type, triple A people doing startups.
Yeah. So, and the way this ties into
parenting, adult children, we're totally
off the track. But we're not, but we're
not. Because I know there's some people
are like, why are we talking about this?
Because our kids are the ones, all of our
kids are the ones that are out there
working for the first time, having these
experiences for the first time, feeling
disenfranchised, having those feelings
of, is this what life is?
You get up, you go to work, you come home
because you're tired, you maybe try to
work out and you go to sleep
and you get up and do it again.
And then you quote unquote live your life
on the weekends and you do that over and
over for the rest of your life. I think
that enlightenment happens.
I don't know if enlightenment is the
right word, but that realization happens
in your twenties and that can be, you've
come off the high of graduating from
college or, you know, graduated high
school and you just, you started working.
The kids who graduated high school,
weren't right into working, realized this
way sooner than kids that go to college.
But you come off this high and then you
start working and it's exciting and you
have your first job.
And it's almost like playing house. Like
now I'm an adult and I'm going to get up
and I'm going to go to work. And then
somewhere along the lines,
you're like, this is stupid.
What am I doing? Is this what everyone's
doing? Are we supposed to be happy doing
this? Are you happy doing this? I'm not
happy doing this, but
what else is there to do?
I think all of that happens in your
twenties where you kind of get
disillusioned with life a little bit.
Like, is this it? Is this what you all
are doing? Because you don't
really know until you're there.
You just know all the adults have been
doing something, but you've been at
school or, you know, you've been having
fun and now you're in it and you're
thinking, you know, maybe it looked fun
when people are getting cocktails after
work or, you know, doing all those things.
But then you realize it's exhausting.
You're tired. You have to take care of
yourself or else you're going to totally
burn out. You have to keep working out
and eating right. You're going to gain
weight or be unhealthy.
Like you have to take, you're getting
older, so you have to pay more attention
to your health. Like all these things are
happening and I feel like it's almost a
disillusionment, a little bit of, okay,
this isn't quite what I
thought it was going to be.
And then it, then I think you start to
think about, they start to think about
their twenties. Well, then what do I want
to do with my life? And then they realize
the limitations to some of the things
they may want to do.
So that's what I think a lot of our kids
are going through in their twenties is
that moment. And then us parenting them
through it, us being there
to guide them to give advice.
But gotta be careful. I can't give too
much because then they could feel like
you're telling, you're telling them what
they should do and they don't want you to
tell them what they should do unless they
ask you and then it's okay.
So there's like all these steps of we
want to be there. We want to be
supportive. We want to offer you
guidance, but also respect whatever
decisions you're making and they could be
complaining to you about something.
And you know, the decision they're making
is just going to make the situation
worse, but they're not listening to you.
And that's where it gets hard. You're
like, Oh my gosh, you're just going to
have to go through this and
I have to sit and watch you.
I know what's going to happen and I have
to sit and watch you go through this or
your child gets stuck in a cycle of I'm
not happy. I want to make a change, but
it's just, they're not making that change
or the change isn't
coming for different reasons.
And you're just having to watch them go
through it and go through it and go
through it. And you know, there's
probably some things they could do to
make the change happen faster, but they
don't want to do those things yet.
Well, what's interesting about that one
is the cycle. I want to do this. All
right, cool. Go do it. They didn't do it
two months or two weeks, a month later. I
want to do this. Wasn't that the same
thing you did? Yeah, go do it. All right.
You're back. You know, the cycle of...
Well, because I think they also get
caught up in, Hey, that weekend time is
when they feel like they're living life a
little bit. So it's really a weird thing.
You have to put in so much effort to
truly create your own.
You have to be so intentional to create
the life you want, but everything is so
expensive. You have to work. Your
overhead is taking most of your money.
And then that little bit of life you have
with friends or a significant other, you
get to live on the weekends or if you go
on a vacation. So it doesn't leave as
much time to necessarily buckle down and
make a huge change. If that makes sense.
You kind of get stuck a little bit.
You know, and that's where I think the
freedom, the financial freedom of, you
know, part of it in your twenties is you
have to just work. You just have to work
and keep building up. So you make more
money. So you have more freedom, I guess.
And that's part of being in your
twenties. Yeah. But I do think you have
to work, but I do think you have to work
smart. And this is why I always say you
have to sleep less, work harder, sleep
less and teach yourself new things.
You get out of college, maybe your
degrees specific to your industry, your
doctor, a lawyer, whatever. Maybe it's
not most of the time it's not. But I
think that's where you have to just
continue to teach yourself new things.
And today it's AI. Learn how to do AI,
learn how to become an AI programmer, an
AI prompter, whatever it is, figure out
how to do AI. Because that is the future
for the foreseeable
future. Learn a trade.
Right? We just had our air conditioning
break. Cost us like 2,500 bucks just to
get back up and keep cooling the house.
Right? I want our youngest to go become
an air conditioning guy.
So there's, but I think that's, you have
to figure that out. And now's the time,
but when you're figuring stuff out, it's
not nearly as much
fun as already knowing.
Right. That is the challenge of the
twenties, right? You're still figuring
things out. You're figuring out what you
want to do, what you like to do, what's
the balance, how do you do all this
stuff? And it's just hard.
And balancing out domestic life. Like,
you know, friends are still
important for these people.
Friends are still like, yeah, no, the
twenties is that show friends was truly a
good representation of your twenties. I'm
not being literal where they all lived in
a beautiful apartments in New York. See,
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking
about the things they went through. Some
of the, some of the things they went
through were very
accurate and a great depiction.
And having a good friend support system
is so important in your twenties for so
many, I call them kids. I know they're
adults, but yeah. So they want to be
social. They want to feed
that part of their soul.
But they also, you know, want to be happy
in what they do for work. It's a crazy,
that's why I say it's a hard time. It's
trying, and it's as parents trying to
figure out how to be as supportive as
possible without
overstepping, without being too involved.
And for a lot of kids, it is their first
time running a household. You know, I
know like for so much, many of our Gen
Xers, we were us Gen Xers, we were
cleaning the house after school. We were,
we were taking care of everything. Yeah.
Gen X didn't necessarily have their Gen Z
kids do those things because I think for
a lot of Gen Xers, we hated that we had
to do that at such a young age. So we did
make life a little easier
for them in their childhood.
And I'm here to say I'm okay with that. I
know there's people that judge that. I
did make life for my kids. Their
childhood was the childhood that I would
have always wanted. And I'm totally fine.
I gave that to them.
So, but then what you do have admittedly
is kids who aren't doing their laundry
regularly, cleaning regularly, taking
care of domestic things, domestic things
regularly until they go to college and
until they become adults.
And I'm not saying our kids didn't help.
I'm just saying that we didn't have them
running a household like Gen X kids were
when we were younger. So they're learning
a lot of that domestic stuff or
incorporating into their lives,
in their twenties as well. So there's
just a lot of new things that they're
dealing with and it can be very
stressful. And then that circles back to
they will see the anxiety and that
they're, they will
talk about their anxiety.
They will share about their anxiety
because they're dealing with all of their
job issues, their dreams issues, their
supporting friends,
having friends in their lives.
That takes time. That takes energy to
have quality friendships. Also, that's
the time in your life in your twenties
where you're shedding friends that don't
serve you anymore, that don't belong in
your life, that don't
bring you, they're not healthy.
They might be toxic or when you start
working and you only have so much time in
your life, right? For to give to friends
to a significant other. And when you're
in your twenties and you're trying to
balance everything, it's the first time
in your life you realize that.
And you're like, I only have this much
time. So I'm going to spend it with the
friends that are real, that are
authentic, that I connect with. You don't
have time anymore to spend time with fake
friends or with people you can't trust.
Trust is also very important.
As you're building this new life in your
twenties, it's figuring out what friends
in my friend circle can I trust them?
Which ones I can't, that's a big life
lesson. And that hits
you a lot in your twenties.
And you're also shedding friends from
maybe college, from high school, previous
jobs. That is one of the first times I
think as an adult, that you really
realize that you have to do that.
Because it's the only way you're going to
continue to thrive and be successful in
your life. And especially as you go into
your thirties. And so
that's stressful too.
You're actually hitting on something that
I haven't thought about, but it makes a
lot of sense. I bet your twenties is the
year, are the years where you really do
that. You start to, you shed, because in
college you still have some
high school friends, right?
And then you get, go through college and
make new friends, get out of college, you
still have some friends. Now to your
point, you have high
school and college friends.
That's the first time where you do start
to have to shed or people start to go in
different directions. Because you are
doing professional things. You are doing,
say some people start getting married,
getting into more serious relationships.
Figuring that they're learning where they
grew up isn't necessarily where they want
to live. They go somewhere else. So
distance creates things or challenges.
Yeah, I think you're on to something.
That is that huge transition age. That
huge transition phase of, you're shedding
your childhood, your
young adulthood and moving on.
Do you recall though, do you recall us in
this phase and was it
as dynamic as today?
You can't compare. Okay. So you know what
I mean? We were so unusual because we
were that couple that got married a year
out of college. And then we
had a baby two years later.
Yeah. So, and I'm not saying there aren't
people in their twenties doing that.
Still there are, but it's very different.
So we, we didn't, and then, you know, I
was a stay at home mom. And, and, and
just to be clear, cause we had, we lived
in a shoe box and we had one car and we
did not buy new clothes
and we lived on a budget.
We lived on year one salary, but it
wasn't a big salary. So it was back when
you could start your life and not have to
have everything. But now everyone in
their twenties thinks everything has to
be perfect, beautiful. And you need to
have every, you know what I mean?
Is that a shift? Yeah. Like it was normal
before to struggle in the beginning of a
relationship or marriage or to struggle
in your twenties and you build up your
wealth. Whereas I think
with social media and, um,
I don't know, just society in general,
all of a sudden everyone should expect to
have everything. Like even in your
twenties, like you should have nice cars,
nice house, clothes, everything in your
twenties. And it's like,
that was our struggle years.
Do you think that's universal or just our
skewed world we live in in South Florida?
You think that's going on across the
country, across the world?
Yeah. You see it on social media. That's
what I'm talking about. So you see it on
social media and that's, it's, I think
it's completely universal. It's at least
the universal in America. You know, that
I think the idea of the struggle, I don't
know if it's still there anymore. And I
think kids feel that they're supposed to,
they're not doing well unless they have
this, that and the other thing. And it's
like, no, that's part of
being in your twenties.
Yeah. You know, and for us, even when we
were married, we struggled through our
twenties. Like we built what everything
up together. And that's part of a
marriage. We've talked about that before,
but, um, your twenties are, like you
said, it's such a big transitional
decade. And it is where you transition
away from certain friends from college or
high school. You transition into a
professional world, whatever that may be.
You transition into your own domestic
life, maintaining your own home, whatever
that is, apartment, whatever it is,
you're having to maintain this domestic
life. You're having to pay your bills.
You're having to work a job and then come
home at night and figure out if you're
going to have time or energy to work out.
If you're going to be social during the
week, or if that burns you out too much
and you can't do as well and work the
next day, you have to transition into
your only true freedom is on the weekends
and planning out a vacation, which would,
for your mental health,
more than anything else.
Um, so that decade, as you said, it's
like you are shedding, you're shedding
your childhood and your adolescence and
you're really becoming an adult, but it
really is that decade
where you're doing it.
And that is where, as parents of those
kids, we have to be there to guide. We
have to be there to share wisdom, but we
have to be there to give them grace to
make their own decisions and to make
their own failures and be there when they
need us as a landing pad.
You know, it's, I would say the same
thing slightly differently in that what
I've learned, and I'm curious if you feel
the same way. We as parents transitioned
from being solely parents and providers
to being best friends, parents, mentors,
career coaches, relationship coaches,
counselors,
psychologists, therapists, right?
We go the whole financial advisors, the
whole thing. It's a fascinating thing.
It's actually fun, but it's a whole
paradigm shift for us. Another phase of
growth for us as people.
As parents. Yeah. And also I think about
on top of everything I just stated that
they are going through in their twenties,
then they want to find a partner.
And that's a whole nother issue because
they have their experience with that with
dating apps, which seemed to be a
nightmare. And also with just the culture
of the fear of commitment, the
situationship
culture, the hookup culture.
So they're going through all this stuff.
Yeah, no, it's crazy. And then they want
it. A lot of them want to find someone to
marry. They just do like I know there's a
lot of there's a whole movement of women who are starting to get married.
But there are still people who want to
get married and have children. So then
they have that pressure. I think it's a
decade of pressure. And it's probably the
first time that they felt it like it's
the first decade. It's the first time
they felt adult pressure. So, but yeah,
as parents, you play all
those roles you stated. Yeah.
Every role you stated you have and you
have to be able to become that person at
the drop of a hat. Because your adult
children, when they call you, you've been able to be able to have a person.
And because it's something, there's
something there. We have a family chat.
So that has always kept us really
connected with our kids. But and then we
have single chats with them. But as far
as you're there to drop of a hat, or if
they want to talk, you stop what you're
doing. And you listen, it's so important.
I we're more present now than ever. Yeah,
that's why I'm saying like empty nest. I
don't even know what that is. Even if it was a family chat, it's a family chat.
It you're never disconnected because it
could be at any minute. I love it. I love
it. I don't know if that's true for
everybody. I mean, this, I don't think
our situation's unique, but maybe it is.
But I am a big believer that the
relationship you get with your kids when
they're adults is from the time you put
in with them when
they were children. Yeah.
The reward is the relationship you have
with them when they're adults, you the
time you put in through their childhood.
That is the reward. And there's some
parents, I think that just expect to have
access to their children, because they
raise them, or they put a roof over their
heads or whatever. And so of course,
they're going to get access to them
whenever they want. And that's not how
this works. The child decides, you know, what's the time?
And then the child decides how much
access the parent gets to them,
especially as adults, especially as
adults. Yes. So, but as when they're
adults, they have, they have to say on
how much access you get to them. Yes. And
the access is determined by the kind of
relationship you created with them
through their childhood.
Yeah. And I think and then as they get
married, your access to their family is
your reward. And there's a lot of parents
that think I've seen where they think
they just automatically get access to
their grandchildren, because their
grandparents, whenever they want. It's
like, that's not how this works. Your
child married someone. Now, they are a
family. And depending on your how your
relationship is with them will determine
how much time you spend with them.
And how much access you get to their
family. Do you think that's a
generational shift that's evolved over
time? Or do you think that's always been
that way? Or feels like that could be
generational with the, I don't know.
Yeah, I think I think millennials started
putting up boundaries, for sure, with
their boomer parents, as far as once they
got married, and once they started having
children, I think millennials started
that. Yeah, because I think I think it
was always the old adage of
you just had to let your parents
have access, just come over and see the
kids, or you had to bring the kids or
whatever, like, it would have never
occurred to kind of determine our own
boundaries. Really, it was, we didn't
really have that, right? And I think
millennials said, no, like, this is our
family. And we deserve to have boundaries
for our little family. And then depending
on what kind of relationship they had
with their parents determine how much
access their parents had to them. So
that's why it's so important to put that
quality time in with your kids.
Because if you want to continue to have a
true authentic and close relationship
with them throughout the rest of your
life, that's your reward. It doesn't just
happen. You're not just entitled to your
kids when they're adults. You are not
just entitled to your kids when they're
adults. So that's something to remember.
They don't owe you anything. That's
another thing is like parents, I feel at
times have felt that their kids owe them
something because they raised them or,
but it's like you had the kids, the kids didn't owe you anything.
You had the kids, the kids didn't choose
to be here. So, you know, you wanted
them, assumedly, but they don't owe you
anything. You gave them life and you
needed to let them live it. And then
hopefully, you did right by them and they
want to still hang out with you. The
greatest reward is that your kids want to
hang out with you. It's the best thing
ever. It's the best thing. It's the best
thing ever hanging out with
your adult kids. It's so cool.
So, but you had to put the time and
effort in to earn that. And on that note,
you know, as your kids are adults, whose
responsibility is it to stay in touch?
Who's like, what would you say?
What would I say? I think it's a two way
street. I think it requires effort on
both sides personally. Yeah.
So as far as making
phone calls or texting.
Yeah. I mean, in a healthy relationship,
it should absolutely be both. Right. Like
for instance, I get a text when our
youngest catches a fish that he likes,
you know, I'll get a text.
We got a phone call the other day from
our oldest when the Knicks won. Hey, did
you see the Knicks game? Yeah.
Got a text from our other one actually
was texting with, with our daughter about
F1 this morning. So, so there's a two way
dialogue there that absolutely has to
happen. Right. And you
put in the effort too.
A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. And I
think with some of the older generations,
they would just sit and wait for their
children to call them.
That's how it is for my, me and my mom
for sure. You know, I have to reach out
to her. Now it's interesting because I've
thought about this in college. I
established the rules. There was no
texting when we were in college.
No, we didn't have cell
phones. Landlined phones. Yeah.
Yeah. So it was like, all right, don't
call me. I'll call you. And then it would
be set aside time and I'd call it. And I
think that carried on into post college
because she doesn't call me now.
And so I have to, I do have to initiate
the call unless she needs something. They
don't mean like just needs to communicate
like something. I want to come visit.
Here's my dates type of thing. But
there's no more of there's not the, Hey,
how's it going? Type of thing.
It's always been you calling her. Yeah. A
hundred percent. Right. So, but I think
that that's how the older generations
were are that they're like,
my, my child doesn't call me.
But it's more like you can call them, but
I don't think generationally they do
that. I think they, and that could be
part of just the silent generation boomer
culture is that my kids should call me.
But I think so. Or my
kids should visit me.
Yeah, maybe. But I think that that's been
a shift is that there is that two way
street. Like, no, we'll reach out to you
and you reach out to us, but we're going
to put that effort into.
So, but I do, I do think it's
generational. That part of it could be
because, um, I don't know with my mom, we
had such a different relationship. We
were in contact a lot, but she would call
me and I would call her. Yeah.
So, but she was a single mom. So I think
that's also different. Yeah. You know, I,
again, I think I drew the boundaries in
college for a lot of reasons probably,
but I went to school 3000 miles away. And
so it was a, you know,
there's time zone differences.
And I was almost like, I don't want to
talk right now, so I'll, I'll call, I'll
let you know when time is good. And that
may or may not be good or healthy, but it
is what it is. Right. But then when you
were an adult, it still was like that. It
was on you to call her. Yeah. Yeah. And
that never adjusted. Yeah. Now, I don't
know if it's generation or just
relationship. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.
Generational. But I don't know. But I
think for at least those,
those of us that are Gen X.
I have a feeling we reach out to our kids
just as much as they reach out to us. If
everything's normal, you know, if you
don't have any strife or whatever, I
think it's, I think I could see our
generation has no issue reaching out to
their kids. No, I don't think we have any
issues, but I also think we have just
such different tools. The fact that we
can text is huge because texting is
non-interruptive or disruptive or
invasive. Right. It's like text. Yeah.
It's like text if they reply right away.
No, if I get a text in the morning, say,
Oh, I was out last night. Yeah,
everything's cool. That's fine, too.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, that's been
huge. Yeah. Like when our kids go to
college, when they went to college, we
kept that family chat. So we were always
in contact with them. So by the time they
would come home for holidays or whatever,
there was no awkward stage of, Oh, we
have to kind of get used to it. We have
to catch up. There was no catching up
because texting allowed us to always be involved in their life. Yeah.
So that's a wonderful thing. Yeah. You
know, but I do think, I think in general
though, Gen X is aware enough to know
they have to put in the work and the
effort with their kids and their kids
don't owe them anything in general. I'm
sure there's still some Gen Xers that,
you know, haven't evolved to that yet.
But I think, I think we're pretty good
with that. You know, I don't know.
That's, that's the
vibe I get with our kids.
Yeah. I don't, I would say, I had to
think about that, that our kids don't owe
us anything for a second, but I, I agree.
They don't owe us. We, we had them. It
was our obligation to, to provide for
them, to set them up on the right path as
best as anybody could for life. Right.
And, and I don't mean like financially
per se, but just the tools.
Give them opportunities, give them tools,
give them support because we brought them
into this world so they don't owe us
shit. But if you do want to have a
relationship, you have to evolve. We, you
know, we've kind of talked about that
before. You do have to evolve out of our
Gen X, feral state, whatever that might
be for whoever it is.
Yeah, no, I think, I do think though, if
you've put in the time and you have the
healthy relationship with your kids
through their childhood, you are going to
have that respect. Your kids will
continue to respect you throughout their
adult lives. They'll continue to come to
you for advice. And they will continue to
care what you think. And they'll continue
to want to spend some time with you one
way or another. But I think, again,
that's the reward you get.
For the time you put
in, in their childhood.
I would agree.
And I think that's, that's just what you
continue doing when they're adults,
especially in their twenties is you
continue to put that effort in. You
continue to play all those roles.
Financial advisor, therapist, you know,
just general support system.
Well, all the different hats we wear now
for them, you just have to continue to
shift those hats a little more quickly
because their lives are moving more
quickly. Yeah. But you have to still put
in that effort to
maintain that relationship.
And that's why I say there is no empty
nest. It's an openness because they're
always going to still come back to you
for different things and not in a
codependent way, just in a healthy
relationship, parental
child relationship way.
And I think that's, that's an openness
more than anything else.
I'd be curious to, I would love, you
know, it's hard in this format, but I'd
love to hear other parents, like some,
for instance, and I'd be curious for you.
But, you know, one minute I might get a
text on the fish I caught the next it's,
I want to go here. What do I think about
this? You know, in the other one, it's
like, you know, the
topics are just to your point.
You've always got to be ready. You don't
know what it's going to be. Yeah. It's
just so true. Your game has to be on.
Yeah. And this whole concept of sleeping
soundly now that they're all adults.
It's like, that's as I saw, you still
have your phone by, I saw my phone by the
bed, ready to answer. They could at any
time need something still. So it's, but
it's, I'm not making it sound like yours
hands on is when they're
kids. So it's not like that.
But it's more mental. It's more of a
mental thing of I need to mentally be
ready. What's coming at me. You just got
to be ready for what's going to come at
you, you know, and then there's the
physical of I need you to help me move.
And all of that. So it's just, and I
always say it never ends. It never ends.
Now when they become parents, then you
transition into grandparents. But I think
you're still supportive of your children
always, no matter what, because then
their parents that's that may need
guidance come to you for advice or just
support or just just mental support of
just us saying you're
doing a great job. Yeah.
Yeah, you don't question yourself. You're
doing good. I think kids always need.
They need their parents approval in one
way or another. Always. I don't think
that ever ends. It might have longer
spaces and time when they need it. But I
think if you have that healthy
relationship with your adult children,
they're always still going to come to you
just for that confirmation of am I doing
am I still doing okay? Yeah, yeah.
Am I still making the right decision? Are
you proud of me? Yeah, adult children
still need to know that their parents are
proud of them. It's so important to say
still say once in a while, I'm so proud
of you. I'm proud of the decision you
made. It's still important to say I love
you. You know, it's so important to give
hugs. They are still your child. And as
independent as they are, they still need
that access to that part of their parent. And that's another thing.
That's important is balancing out. You
know, it's funny that support and that
love without overstepping. Yeah. You
know, what's funny is everything you just
described applies to the 20 something's.
But then you've got the 15. Yeah. It was
totally different, right? Yeah. It's like
they're they love the attention and
appreciation and validation. Whereas the
15 year old's like, I'm fine. Let me
alone. And yet he still wants it.
Totally. You know, they also say about
adolescents is when they seem like they
don't need you the most is when they need
you the most. Yeah. And it's just
important that you just keep loving on
them. Yeah. And you just keep you say it
because it matters. And they feel it.
Yeah. It's just that they're trying to
break away and have autonomy. So they're
acting like they don't give a crap. Yeah.
Yeah. But they do. Yeah. And that's and
then they come out of that. And they
mature. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's the fun part. That's the thing.
That's the fun part. That's riding the
wave. Yeah, totally. That's riding that
wave of my kids seems like he doesn't
want anything to do with me. Yeah. And
this is what I have to love on him the
hardest. Yeah. Because he's going to come
out of this. And then we are still good.
And it's still healthy relationship.
Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of people will
think, Oh, I just need to get them total
space and not talk to them and not ask
them questions. That's actually when you
need to keep asking the questions you
need. Now you need to figure out how to
do it. You got to, you know, take the
question. Sometimes I wait for him
to come to me to share something. I know
he's got something to share. I might have
to wait a week before he finally tells
me, or I take a step forward and then I
take three steps back. But you can't stop
during that time, no matter how painful
it might be at times. You know, because
there's times they literally don't think
it just seems like they don't care about
you at all. Again, we're talking about
teenagers, not the 20 something. But, um,
and that's a whole nother dance, you
know, so I mean, we've worn many hats. So
being the, the parents,
parents of adult children now in their
twenties, um, that's been a totally
different ride, you know? And my advice
to people that whose kids are about to
graduate college and enter that world,
give them grace. They need it. It's not
easy. And, um, they're encountering every
single thing in society as an adult for
the first time. And it's, it can be crazy
and confusing and disillusioning and
disheartening and amazing
and wonderful and exciting.
And all the good things too. So it's just
kind of trying to be there for them as
they're on that ride, you know? I think
that's my advice is just, just be that,
be that stable force for them still. As
you always have been through their
childhood, they still need you to be that
stable force for them as
they go through their twenties.
I would say the, the only thing I would
add to that, I totally agree, would be
probably open up a little more energy on
the friend zone side. And you're, we're
saying maybe the same thing, you know,
give them grace. I'm saying to me that
translates maybe to friendship, less
parental oversight and more friendship. I
got it. Yeah, I get it, man. This is, you
know, think about this, think about that.
Yeah. Yeah. Friendship. Yeah. They need a
friend. 100%. Yeah. You still have to
have their back. Yeah. It's just in a
different way now. Yeah. Yeah. I agree.
100. And it's not easy. And it's not easy
mentally for parents either. And, and for
some parents, um, they do feel it's an
emptiness and it's a huge life change for
them. And so, and who knows they may feel
that their child is truly leaving when
that's true. It's not that it's just that
they're trying to tackle this huge
this huge part of their life. So they
could have their own personal things.
They're going through with that too. And
so it's not the easiest for parents
either. The whole, the whole transition.
It's such a transitional decade for
everybody. Do you think that, cause I
love it. I absolutely love it. I love
their ages. I love the kids, the people
they've become. I love my relationships
with them. I'm the dad. Do you think
there's a difference though? Like, do you
have the same perspective? Do you? I
don't have this sense of loss as the dad.
I love it. I love watching them mature,
become independent, becoming financially
independent, all of that. Um, as a mom,
is it different than my perspective? Do
you think? Um, I mean, probably I think
moms have a harder time with it just
because they in general have been the
main caregiver of the children. Even if
the mother's working, she's still that,
that one, those children go to. You've
mentioned it before. You care the
emotional women, moms care, the emotional
burden baggage for the family. Yes. So
does it change then? Do you think in
terms of, do you have less of them have
an emotional baggage and burden or load?
No, no, because like I said, I'm just as
worried about them in their twenties and
sometimes more so. Yeah.
Because they're in the world.
Cause now I worry about the world on my,
you know, they're really out there. So
I'm like, world, please don't destroy my
babies. Let me ask you this then.
What about in college? Cause I feel
that's where I was really not as stable.
Right. When they were in college and
because they're out of the house, you
know, that kind of thing. And they're not
mature there. There's a lot of influences
of, of other people, other college
people. There's partying involved and all
that stuff. Right. And so, yeah. Do you
think for me, high school's one thing,
college, I think was probably the worst
for me in that sense.
And then now that they're out of college
on their own, they are nearby, which
helps. Yeah. I'm good. I love it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. But what, how do you, how do
you work through college?
I was definitely worried. I was worried
about the college life hurting my babies.
Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's like baby
steps, right? So when they are in middle
school, I'm worried about the
kids hurting my babies. Then when they're
in high school, I'm worried about, um,
they're in a car for the first time and
they're partying for the first time.
So I'm worried about those aspects that
go along with hurting my babies.
And then in college, I'm worried about
college life hurting my babies.
And then in the twenties, I'm worried
about the world hurting my babies. So,
um, and that, I don't know if
that's the brain of a mother.
Yeah, it could be. I
don't know. Cause that's, I'm,
I'm always worried about
their safety. That never ends.
I'm always worried about something's
going to happen to them.
And maybe that's the mind of a mother.
It's just what could hurt them gets
bigger as they get bigger.
And so, and when I say that's where you
feel like you have no control when
they're in their twenties, it's that it's
not that I want to control them.
I have no control over the, what the
world's going to do to them.
And so that's where prayer comes in.
That's where I use prayer.
Um, I pray for their safety.
Yeah. Interesting. Um, and then I pray
for their mental health and I pray for,
um, them to find success in what the
dreams they're trying to accomplish and
that they find contentment. Cause I think
contentment is happiness and,
um, that they find health and take care,
taking care of themselves.
There's like levels I pray on. It's more
real life stuff I worry about, you know,
and that's kind of how I've evolved as a
parent while giving them the space to
grow and be their own people and still be
there for them when needed.
And it never ends. There's no end. It
just, you're just always evolving.
You're always evolving. And again,
you create the openness because if
everything does fall apart in their life,
they can always come home and that will
never change till the day I die.
They can always come home.
Yeah. So, and that's, I think that's,
that's how we've raised them.
And they know that too. So, but it's not
easy. So for any parents that are,
have kids in high school, college and
twenties, we get it. And, uh,
but we are here to say
parenting adult children,
it's not easy. It is so rewarding. And I
know you're loving it.
I'm loving it too, but, um,
it isn't just like you cut
the cord and off they go. And,
and then we all live our married lives as
a couple and you know, oh yeah,
there they are. That's not how, that's
not people like that. There's people
like that. That's not us. There's people
like that. And that's fine.
If that works for their family, you know,
then that's how their family functions.
That's just not how we function.
And I don't think that's how a lot of Gen
Xers function about their kids,
but there certainly are as well. So it
just depends what works.
So that's what our sharing about what
it's like to parent adult children.
So far, the next phase is their thirties.
And I have a feeling that's going to be
a whole nother, um, experience, but we're
almost to the end of twenties with our
older son. He's 28. Yeah. He has two more
years and then unbelievable.
He's going to be 30. So, um, yeah,
so hopefully this resonated with some of
our listeners and we would love to hear
from you any comments
or questions or, um,
observations or anything you want to
share about your own parenting,
experiencing experiences of adult
children. We love to hear from you.
So, um, please feel free and
we'll see you next time. Bye.