# Episode 49 - GenX Speaks Series: Coach Whitney Kell

- Podcast: GenX Adulting Podcast
- Published: 2025-10-12T00:00:00.000Z
- Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398379/episodes/17995301-episode-49-genx-speaks-series-coach-whitney-kell.mp3
- Page: https://genxadultingpodcast.com/transcripts/podcasts/genx-adulting-podcast/episodes/episode-49
- Source: https://genxadultingpodcast.com/episodes/genxadultingpodcastepisode49.html
- People: Coach Whitney Kell (guest), Brian Barker (host), Nicole Barker (host)
- Topics: GenX Speaks

## Summary

In Episode 49 of the GenX Speaks Series, Coach Whitney Kell shares her journey from a challenging childhood marked by family dysfunction to becoming a successful coach and advocate for personal development. The conversation explores her experiences with addiction, recovery, and the transformative power of self-awareness and emotional healing.

## Key takeaways

- Whitney was born in 1971 in Portland, Oregon.
- She experienced a tumultuous childhood, including parental divorce and her mother's alcoholism.
- Whitney has been sober from alcohol for 25 years and credits her mother's death as a turning point in her life.
- She emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence and self-awareness in personal growth.
- Whitney advocates for meditation and positive thinking as tools for improving mental health.
- She has built a successful coaching career focused on physical, mental, and financial well-being.
- Whitney believes in the power of perspective and viewing life as happening for you, not against you.

## FAQ

### What challenges did Whitney face in her childhood?

Whitney faced significant challenges including parental divorce, her mother's alcoholism, and emotional neglect, which shaped her early experiences.

### How did Whitney's mother's death impact her life?

Whitney's mother's death prompted her to reevaluate her life choices, leading her to quit drinking and pursue personal development.

### What is Whitney's approach to coaching?

Whitney's coaching focuses on improving physical, mental, and financial health, emphasizing self-awareness and emotional healing.

### What tools does Whitney recommend for mental health?

Whitney recommends meditation and positive thinking as essential tools for improving mental health and overall well-being.

### What does Whitney believe about the universe's role in our lives?

Whitney believes that the universe is happening for us, not against us, and encourages viewing challenges as opportunities for growth.


## Referenced links

- [Watch on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZER27KPNME)
- [Listen on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-49-genx-speaks-series-coach-whitney-kell/id1764838823?i=1000731386413)
- [Listen on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/episode/4ktiZxXlTakJ8BVgkEBupJ)
- [Listen on Buzzsprout](https://www.buzzsprout.com/2398379/episodes/17995301-episode-49-genx-speaks-series-coach-whitney-kell)

## Transcript

[Music]
Welcome to GenX Adulting and today we have Whitney Kel with us in the studio.
Welcome Whitney. We're so happy to have you here. And our first question is always
what year were you born? 1971. It's the best year. That's our year too. So we
love to have our fellow GenXers that were 1971 babies because it's the best.
And where were you born? Portland, Oregon.
Okay and were your parents from Portland?
How many generations back would you say? Grandma and Grandpa were from Portland,
Oregon too. Her mom came through Canada. Okay.
She's Russian. Oh wow. Yeah. So is that your mom's
mom or your dad's mom? My dad's mom. So she
came from Russia over to Canada and then down to
Portland and your grandfather did she meet him
when she got to Portland? I believe so. There's
certain parts of the story. I don't have
clarity around but I did my ancestry.com and I'm 1%
Icelandic. Oh cool. Nice. And then what about
your mom's parents? Well that's a little more shady.
Okay. Mom was brought up in foster care. Okay so
you're not sure. I know her mom but her mom was
having a good time so she had three daughters
with three different men. Okay and is this all in
Portland? It was all in Portland. Okay. That's
where it all happens right Nicole? Oh definitely.
Full disclosure, Whitney and I went to high
school together. We weren't besties in high school. Our
high school was the largest high school in
Oregon at the time. So we had a huge graduating class
and lots of kids but we did know each other. We
just didn't hang in the same groups but I know we
probably were at some similar parties together.
So what's cool about this as a side note is we're
kind of reconnecting midlife and really
getting to know each other for the first time and I
we did have we went to lunch before a couple
months ago and it was awesome. Yeah. It was so
awesome just to really get to know you so and
we're so happy that you're here to share your
story because even though I knew you then I
didn't know you. Right. Yeah well we didn't even know
ourselves right. Yeah I thought Nicole was this
popular cheerleader. And I wasn't a cheerleader.
So we definitely didn't know each other. Okay so how did your parents meet?
Mom and dad how did they meet? Gosh
I have no idea. That is such a good question. I
cannot believe I don't know the answer to that.
Do you know how old they were when they met?
20s. Okay. Yeah. And did they get married? Yeah. And
are you their only child? My sister is 16
months older than me. Morgan. Morgan lives in
Ocala and Tennessee. Okay so Irish twins you guys
were very close together 16 months. Yeah. Okay so
they got married. Do you know what your dad
did? My dad was a cop. All right and was your mom a
stay-at-home mom or did she work? She did nails.
Okay so she hustled. But she stayed stay-at-home
mom mostly. No I think she did nails after the
we started to get older but I don't remember her
working when I was young but in all fairness I
don't remember a ton of my childhood. Okay. For
very specific reasons I suspect. Okay did that
start okay so when they were married and they had
you your dad's a cop your mom's home in the
beginning raising you and your sister. You guys
go to elementary school you think that's around
the time she probably started working outside the
home doing nails. Well okay so one of my
girlfriends is very intuitive psychic and she touched my neck
she's like what is this what is this she goes
what happened between the ages of five and six
where your father no longer felt safe having you
alone with your mother. Okay so between the ages
of five and six what what what grade are we
in? That's kindergarten. Okay so that's when the
marriage ended. Okay so are you there was physical
abuse? So what happened was we were all at Willamette
Park and we were at the police picnic and when
my dad came back to find me and my sister I think
she was passed out and I was missing so they
took all the cops and they split up and they got out
into the park to find me and apparently I was on
the other side of the park by the water. Oh my gosh
and my father no longer safe having me alone with
my mother and it was funny because my girlfriend
did this reading for me and I typed it up and
sent it to my dad with lots of detail I recorded it
and my dad said yeah this is what happened. Oh
wow. Wow. And that's when he realized my mom was an
alcoholic. Okay so your mom was an alcoholic. So
they separated when I was. Okay so those formative
years of zero to five when you were with your
mom she was probably drinking. I think it happened
gradually because we had some good time she made
all of our clothing they were very happy seeming
for a long time and then I remember my dad
punching a hole in the wall. I remember my mom
got a DUI. Okay. Yeah I started to have moments of
distressful memories. Okay was he an alcoholic or
have any substances? You know I would imagine
grandma and grandpa you know we go to grandma
and grandpa's house I don't know if you guys had
the same kind of grandma and grandpa but they were
always smoking cigarettes and drinking bourbon
and coke. That was it was like full in the closet.
So I mean my dad was a cop and my sister just
shared a story because my cousin's my dad just
passed away in October and my sister just
shared a story with all our cousins it brought us all
closer once a month we do a cousin call. That's
awesome. It's so fun. That's a great idea. And my
sister told me that she told everybody in the
truck my dad was driving he stuck a beer between
her legs. So you know my dad was like I guess
when were we brought up we were brought up in
the 70s so I'm gonna guess that drinking beer
while you're driving in your own house. Roadies.
Roadies everyone had a roadie and it was very
normal. I know that we were around that and as
far as the cigarettes smoke everyone smoked in the
house in the car. With the windows closed. Oh yeah
we were yeah secondhand smoked babies 100
percent. Okay so your parents divorced. Yeah do you and
your they first separated and they lived in the
house that I was raised in on Leahy Road. Okay
and my dad moved into the basement. Interesting
so they're still existing in the same home under
the same roof. How long did that go on for? I
think a year my mom had parties. My mom was a
party girl I don't know if you remember our parties
when we were young. I think when we were teenagers
I feel like I was there. Well we'll get there but
yeah yeah yeah. So when I was really young my mom
was already a partier. Okay so she would
throw parties and my dad was down in the basement
listening to Barbara Streisand and you know
I think he was in love with her and he was so
disappointed that she turned out not to be the
kind of person that he'd hoped for because she
was beautiful and fun. My mom was so much fun.
Yeah so probably so that's just an interesting
thing to picture is your dad is kind of
downstairs in his own world and then upstairs is this
completely other world of partying and he must
have been going through it for sure. I imagine.
So then when the year was up did he move out?
Yeah he did. And then did you girls stay with your
mom or go with him? Oh yeah he took us. I do
remember my mom took off to Palm Springs or
something and then he just took us and I didn't
see my mom again for until I turned 14. Oh wow.
Okay so like from seven to fourteen probably
because if they were together for a year under
did they divorce officially? Yeah. Okay so
then you lived with your dad still in Beaverton?
Yeah he was across the street from Cedar Mill.
Okay. We were on Cornell Road. All right so you
and your sister are now living with your dad so
did you go to um what was the elementary was it
Cedar Mill? Mm-hmm. And then you didn't go to
Cedar Park though right? Yeah. Okay so you were at
Cedar Park okay so we were at the same junior high.
Yeah we were at the same senior. Okay so when you were
with your dad did he remarry? He did. Now on the
last cousin call we had a couple women were shown
in their photos and they still know these
women and they were the girlfriend of my father.
And I slightly remember them but not really.
Yeah yeah. And I heard they were really nice
nice women but my dad married my step-monster
Judy who is a narcissist. And you know he just
passed away in October and she told me that
she wasn't gonna have she told all of us that she
wasn't gonna have his funeral till the spring.
But my cousins saw the announcement because they
still live in Portland and so well it was in
sisters but they saw the announcement. Yeah yeah.
And so we went me and my cousins went to the
funeral uninvited unannounced and kind of shocked
everybody. It was so fun. It was it was it was um
you know those feelings of like oh my gosh yeah yeah
and then there she is and I she never said one
word. So you guys didn't talk or anything? No and
you know I think about it could have been so
different. Yeah. So the issue is she's a narcissist
you have a narcissistic parent co-parent in
the house and I'm sure there was no way for your
father to control her if she was a narcissist in
the way she treated you guys I assume. Right well
and when I listened to him he was a chaplain for
the police department for over 20 years. So the
first responders all talked on his behalf.
There was no one from his family at the funeral that
wrote except for the first responders and they'd
say he's a born-again Christian so Dave was there
praying praying for the families he was always
there and they said he was always there which
told me a lot. You know like it was beautiful
to get my know my father through these people
and how much they respected him. So when you
were growing up with her in the house did she
alienate you guys from your father? I so yeah
remember Jill Morell can I say people's names?
Yeah that's okay Jill. Yeah when we did I think
we were one of our high school reunions I remember
her saying do you remember when your stepmom
locked us in the garage? She locked us in the basement,
she put us in the we had a trailer that was parked
outside and she put us in there too. Like she just
didn't want to have us around. Just randomly
like when you would have friends spend the night she
would then just lock you guys up. See again the
memory's very limited so I didn't remember that
when Jill told me but I'm sure she's telling the
truth. There's certain things I do remember but
for the most part it was just really tough to
not be loved like to be with somebody who really
wishes you weren't there like treats you like it
but I just realized after the funeral she was just
so unhappy you know people who hurt people hurt
people I mean there's such truth to that. Yes but
if you're dealing with narcissism in general I
find they lack compassion and empathy. Right. So
it's hard to feel compassion and empathy for
them because they're so devoid of it and hurt people
so deeply. So sometimes I understand hurt
people hurt people and I do try to find empathy and
compassion for where people are coming from but I
personally am challenged finding it when it comes
to a narcissist. What's a mental illness? Yeah so
when you think about that I mean I've sober from
alcohol for 25 years and I think my mom was
probably bipolar alcoholic she just didn't know
so she used alcohol instead of regular drugs to
numb and medicate I think most people have something.
Well think about how when we grew up mental
illness was a bad word no one talked about mental illness
no one talked about depression. There was no
mental illness. No. Oh that person has they're just a
little off. It was a stigma. Yeah. It was an
absolute stigma so whereas the Gen Z'ers talk about it like
I'm gonna go take a shower and I'm depressed and
it's normal and they all support each other and
they talk about their anxiety it's a beautiful
thing but for us it was like no one talks about it
and certainly our parents no one talked about
it for them so they suffered and self-medicated.
Yeah. So okay so when you were in elementary
school and junior high so your home life is that
is the way it is. Did you find any reprieve at
school? Was there a balance there or was school
rough? It was tough too. Now I just want to
say we lived in multiple houses she had a ranch
it was called Apple Hill Ranch on Ash Street. I
lived right down the street from Mark Anderson
do you remember Mark Anderson? And the ranch was
amazing and the house was really cool so we had
like she had money so it was she worked for uh
12ton Hills Park and Recreation too. It's a good
job. Yeah she was badass so there were things
that I'm sure and feel that are part of who I am
because of that right there shadow and medicine
and everything so to your point about it being
you know that mental illness and not finding
empathy I have found the positive for myself
because I've had to you know to see where have I
benefited from that experience. Yeah so um as far
as bouncing around homes that was that kept
it a little interesting school was not safe
for me school was a lot of bullying you know I
have congenital defect on my hand but one of my
girlfriends who's also handicap who never got
made fun of she's one of my besties and her husband's
kind of a celebrity I'm not going to say her
name but she's has a you know she walks she has a
walk and a cane and she's little and no one
made fun of her in high school and she said wait
I think they would have found something else to
make fun of you if it wasn't your fingers. I don't
think that's why they did that it was because I
was so broken inside I was abandoned by my mom
that's what that was the story because my mom
took off my dad kidnapped us and then we moved out
and then he met this the evil step monster and
we moved in with her and um you know the story
that we create when we're little is a lot more
dramatic than the one that's actually there I
believe not always I mean some kids have I mean I
was fortunate not to have um a lot of sexual abuse
although I think most women have some tiny bit
yeah we all get exposed to it a little bit maybe
men too but um you know I didn't have a lot of
violent physical abuse most of it was emotional
so the stuff at school was scary my stepmom
wouldn't let us wash our hair but once a week
so and then the clothing she had money but she wouldn't let us wear cute clothes
so I would hide my clothes out in the bushes
when we lived on um Cornell and I would change my
clothes so I'd leave the house in one outfit and
change my clothes and my sister saw me doing it
so she started doing it and I would wake up in
the middle of the night and wash my hair because
I was bullied at school it was really hard yeah
you know how hard it is most kids know how hard it
is oh yeah and especially where we grew up too I
mean I it was brutal it was I went through my own
oh my god uh sixth grade I'm not going to say
her name but because you would know who it is
but um there I'll tell you off the record
when this is over who it is but she bullied me
so bad in sixth grade that every day I didn't
know if I had friends or not because she would
tell everyone to be my friend one day I think I
remember and then she would tell them not to be my
friend I think she had a mental illness because I
always thought that maybe there was I don't know
I don't know but that year but um so just that
brutalness of that I still remember it so and so
I feel like where we grew up in Beaverton was
harsh and I know Sparta where you grew up was
like brands mattered money mattered uh every
everyone wanted to know what brand your clothes
were how much everything cost what vacations you
were going on it just was so hard to keep up and
then if you're in that situation where you have
a parent that is sabotaging your life basically
you can only wash your hair come on I mean I do
have a question so it sounds like you and your
sister got equal treatment from her yeah it
wasn't just you yeah okay my sister just isn't
as resourceful as I am um you know still in
life I love her and I'm sober for 25 years
yeah um I was always resourceful and able to
look outside the box so I came up with all kinds of
creative ways and then she would follow me so how
did you you said you changed clothes how did you
get the clothes you changed into I just shove
them in my backpack but like where did they close we
had clothes she just wouldn't let us wear them she
controlled every part of our life which I think is
narcissist behavior yeah so I didn't have control
over anything almost like she was competing with
you and your sister for your dad's attention
yeah I mean that's what our narcissism is is
insecurity right yeah yeah yeah but it's next
level when the when you're the adult in the room
and there's kids involved that's really kind of
fucked up obviously so that was through elementary
school junior high did it go into high school uh
when I turned 14 I um was given a 10-speed bicycle
and I rode my bike well Rhonda Condre I don't
know if you remember Rhonda bless you Rhonda if
you're out there um her mom and my mom were best
friends and she her mom had told Rhonda that um she
missed us and she wanted to see us so I jumped on
that 10-speed I got that for my 14th birthday and
rode my bike it was funny because the address
was can I say the address should I not say it
it's the same address okay so where we lived at
that apple hill ranch and where the address was
on the he rode was the same address the same
number and I'm into numerology so it's really
interesting that the numbers are the same but
it wasn't far to ride yeah so I rode our rode the
bike over to my mom's house she cried when she
saw me the instant she saw me and I can't imagine
it was just so good to reunite to feel loved for
the first time in so long by a woman how many how
many years was that good yeah it's about seven
eight years so were you you didn't even see her
on holidays or anything so one of the things that happened um was that um
they uh showed us photos she got a DUI so they
made it look like she was a witch which she was
so um a hippie witch yeah yeah uh so yeah he
would show they programmed us not to want to see her
but what I found out later she was sending us
stuff and they hid it from us oh my gosh so she'd
been wanting to see us the whole time but they
wouldn't they hit all I mean my stepmom actually
stuffed animals cards gifts we didn't get any of
it so and then the other yeah okay so wait let me
slow down so that's the story there what was
the so well we're just trying to figure out like
she didn't see you for seven years so you're
saying she did try she tried she tried to send
you stuff on your birthday christmas but the
seven oh you're a mom so you can hear that you
knew when she sent us of course yeah no i'm
horrified right now for your mom so and then
the stepmom was hiding these things yeah they
didn't give them to us so was your mom not able
to go to the physical house she were at was there
some sort of restraining order or something legally
a reason she couldn't i don't know well when
i when i when i went over there and met her
she's just a mess crying all the time and stuff
and you know she drank so i think that maybe she
didn't do the courageous thing and then she felt
less than of course she's insecure my dad's a cop
you know the law but she got the house so she was
at my home that they built and then i grew up in so
when i went over there we just bonded and she
said hey would you move back in and i said yes
tomorrow wow so when we went home back home to
see miss judy yeah the love of my life and she was
like uh i said i saw my mom and she was like
oh you did and i said yeah and i'm gonna move in
with her and she goes oh that's great you can see
the relief and i said tomorrow and she said well
no we got to tell your dad and she started
like getting uncomfortable with that but when she
dropped us off tomorrow she said don't call again
for 30 days why why 30 days we didn't see my dad
again for till my mom passed away 25 years ago
wow so you and your sister left yeah and we're now
living with your mom yeah and so your high
school years were with your mom but i want to say this
one part is that when i went back and said i'm
leaving my sister was um she did not want to leave
how come do you think well i think that people
who are abused sometimes want to stay with their
abuser she loved my dad she was daddy's little
girl so little sock home syndrome there probably
i don't know what that is it's where you start
to um empathize and connect with your um captors
no that wasn't it because we we really hated
her she was like we wrote stories about her they
would scream at each other on a regular basis so
that that wasn't really it i think she just didn't
want to leave my dad and she felt abandoned
by my mom she was older almost two years so
she experienced that whole situation much
differently so my i try to have empathy for
where she's at in life versus what i chose as my
path so it's not easy but i do try to do that no
i mean i can understand the resentment and
feeling abandoned by your mom and i'm sure you probably
had some of that too i would assume i never did
like the therapist i had she goes can you get angry
at your mom i just want you to get angry she's
raised in foster care she was raped she had all
kinds of hard life i met her mom her mom was not
a great person she was addicted to drugs i mean my
mom got passed around foster care and she had a
mom so it was just like rough to get angry at my mom
and my mom was fucking cool like she was fun and
um funny and we had so when we were sober we had
the best time together when we drank we had a
lot of our time yeah did she drink with you guys
oh yeah we drank and did all kinds of things
together in high in high school i think i was in
junior high when i did i got an a plus on one
of my economics um we made these little uh peanut
people and i sold them um i'm trying to
remember the is it davis was it um mr davis that sounds
familiar yeah are you talking about home ec it
was cedar park home ec no it's economics oh gosh
i don't remember i remember it was davis eric's
eric you're right though eric somebody's uh sister
was married to him anyways i love that guy he was
a football coach too he was amazing really cute and
we were just got along i don't know why he likes me but we had a great relationship
but my mom and i stayed up all night in crystal
meth and made the peanut people and you were in
eighth grade yeah i got the crystal for her too
like it wasn't like um my bestie who i will not
mention since since like you said i don't
know but um her sister's boyfriend made it in the
bathtub so your bestie's sister's boyfriend made
meth in the bathtub and you knew about this and
bought it and then no they gave it to us we
never had to buy anything they gave it to for free oh
yeah had you done it before you did it with
your mom oh yeah so when was the first time you did
crystal meth uh probably tail end of 14 okay
so that's eighth grade right yeah yeah yeah so
that's so interesting to me because i had no
clue that was even an option at that age do you feel
that that was an isolated incident or was there
a group of kids that were doing crystal meth that
we were going to school with well okay so while
we're talking about this i was thinking when was
the first time i ever did cocaine and that was
at one of the parties we had in high school but
i'd started crystal younger so because it was
easy to access and it was cheap yeah i mean it's
practically free yeah okay so yes there was a
group of people and yes i was associated with them and
yes you probably know some of them yeah i just had
no friends with some of them i think some of them
have sobered up but some of the other ones
have disappeared so my assumption is they didn't
i mean that's a hard thing to get off of yeah i
can't even imagine i stopped at 21 all of it but
so that though crystal and coke i stopped at 21
but let's not go too fast and too far because we're
in high school now we were throwing parties and
i remember the first time i did cocaine with my
best friend's brother and all the older boys and
that was fun mom was out of town so but you were
okay so you did crystal meth in eighth grade you
did crystal meth with your mom to stay up and do
a project yeah so she was aware of all this well
was it did you stay up to do the project or was
that the celebration oh that's a great question
i think it was both okay i think i had to go to
school the next day i was sweaty you know that
look that people have after they've been up all
night yeah so yeah so and then did and then did
you continue to party with her oh yeah that was
like a normal thing oh yeah so i remember we
had a huge group of high schoolers over again you
probably know some of their names and they threw a
big chunk of cocaine onto the pool table we had a
pool table and everybody's diving for it and we're
all digging it was so creepy i mean anybody who's
done it and knows that feeling where you're
searching for it it's an awful drug i have to
say out of all the things brian i have done
neither one of us have done coke in our whole life and so
that it's weird because we've done a lot of other
stuff you didn't do crystal meth no i never from
oregon you got out oregon yeah yeah but again
like i didn't even know that was you were innocent
i always thought you were super preppy and sweet
i don't view myself as preppy maybe i was doing
hard drugs honey yeah maybe comparatively
speaking yeah yeah we were innocent probably for portland
maybe yeah because my big thing was pot mushrooms
and then some acid a handful of times at grateful
dead concerts and then drinking right but you
were normal though my guess is and i don't know
your mom but i'm guessing you have a good
relationship with your family and you were
raised in a relatively healthy situation no not
at all no to her episode yeah you'll have to listen
to my episode i share my story but no your
friends with your mom i am but we a lot of healing has
gone on there and a lot of it wasn't abusive it
was emotionally mentally abusive but not i'm not
my mom okay right and that's the biggest
relationship i think we have if you look at the people and how
they respond to life when the mom is you meet a
man who's got a mom who he does not have a good
relationship with that's the worst it's a
challenge i think most people are have daddy issues but i
think the mom the mother wound like yes that's the
deepest it's a it is you're right and i've got the
daddy and the mommy just all that type of shit
but um no crystal meth was not on my bingo card
that's a new level that's a new level and i just
find it interesting to do it at such a young age
um that had to have thrown off your
perspective chemically to some degree i would think right
so um do you think my heart okay so did it did
you have physical damage from it yeah yeah i had
heart surgery five years ago and and that was
they attributed to that well some of its congenital i
had been born with two aortic valves but they
were calcified and how fast your heart beats
when you know you're on that stuff you know i
think i was gentler with it at the end of junior
high a little more uh attentive in high school
so if i think about how frequent and the amount of
money that we had access to it picked up in high
school for sure okay so for your high school years
it keeps me focused so here's the thing and
let me let me just interrupt for a sec is that
adderall is meth yes it's the exact same thing
yes and i have ADHD and most people who have been
raised in a family where there has been abuse
they have ADHD and they give you adderall for that
so i was just self-medicine is it is it
actually chemically the same it's just cleaner because
it's coming from the real lab instead of the
bathtub you know i should look that up to get details
but i did it i did adderall and it's the same
thing it felt the same as when you did crystal
mask i mean it's gentler and i didn't snort it
it's cleaner i don't know if i got it i find it
interesting what you just said um a lot of
children from abusive situations have ADHD
is there a true correlation yeah i've seen on
um i'm trying to think of his name gabor matte
okay he talks about ADHD being so anyone
who's had abuse or he even just talked about um
moms who are stressed in the womb yeah it you
know i think it's all connected to childhood
every little every little thing that we have as
adults 100 so through elementary school and junior
high and you're having all this upheaval did
you do any sports any extracurriculars or were you
just surviving i got offered to be on the track
team okay but that would have interfered with my
smoking and my partying so i chose not to do it
but i was glad to be offered that yeah for sure
was it long distance or sprint i don't
remember what he offered me i just remember the um the
coach asking me if i wanted to try out for it
and i did and i got offered it but i just decided
not to do it and this was junior high um i think
that was high school okay so in high school that
was my next question did you do any sports or
extracurriculars or was it pardon my extracurricular
it was partying was partying so and you were
one of those kids that were in the smoking section
yeah and all of just for our younger listeners
all of us in our high schools had smoking sections
did you guys have an active one when you guys
were there yeah i remember i just walked past it
like on school girl i just kind of looked over
i was we yeah they had a little area for us like
the puppies yeah put them in the area for sure
no shit for sure outside outside outside so that
next to the school around the corner so
everybody didn't see it but yes you could walk out it was
feels like it was by the cafeteria something
yeah because i remember walking past it and like and
i wasn't judging at all but it was more like
intimidating like i never would have gone in
there and talked to you guys because i was
totally intimidated but and i did smoke cigarettes
in high school but it was social and it was like
you know it wasn't like writing to have a cigarette
in between fourth and fifth period yeah we just
hadn't passed away well it was where our friends
went right right right and then you know yeah
that just felt like the social norm for me yeah
yeah okay so your your extracurricular was
partying um how about school academically how did you do
you know i remember because i had been the the
drug use graduated as i went along and i remember
my accounting teacher saying whitney unless
you're hit by a truck you better be in this
seat tomorrow so i started missing a lot of
school and it did impact my grades but i get
to see in english i say that whenever i meet
people because there's so many people here who
are from latin america yes and i mean english
is hard yeah it's really hard i gotta see um
but i mean i didn't go to class very frequently
so and then i remember french class pulling up
in the rental car so um so i'm in uh i i got
reasonable grades let me just say that and part
of it with using those drugs helped me focus and
get homework done so i will give credit to i mean
yeah because were you diagnosed no not until um
five years ago six years ago okay and wouldn't
you say that's pretty true for many gen x women
that they were overlooked the ones who had adhe
that the boys got more of the attention with
that and because girls are so good at masking and
grinding through that so many girls when we were
girls didn't get diagnosed when they should have
i don't know if you found that with anyone you
know i guess i would say you know your parents
had to be present for you to have somebody
who's watching over you and looking for things like
that like you didn't even know about crystal meth
that wasn't even in your field because your mother
was normal and she wasn't doing those things
so yeah my mom was not looking for things to fix
right we were looking for things to suppress
right right a little different so adhd wasn't even on
the radar no one asked questions it was just about
um going to school and then you know when it came
time to graduate i dropped classes so i
wouldn't graduate so you did that on purpose yeah so my
stepdad was a heart surgeon he helped invent the
defibrillator so my mother married soon after we
moved in with her so we moved in with my mom
yeah she's on food stamps so we're on food stamps
my mom doesn't have a job she's the manicurist
so she's struggling to get by so we did this thing
on the bed which is funny because now i do all
this manifesting meditation we're all holding
hands on her water bed water let's just take
a moment i had a water bed you had a water bed
water beds were very common for gen x they
were fun yeah they were fun and she had these
anyways so we we held hands and imagine
the man who was going to come in and save us
wow that's like early manifestation my mom was
powerful she was a powerful witch she was on it
in junior high she had me take photos and build
altars for boys and i had one of the boys talk
to me stephen why i probably shouldn't say his
name right anyways um but he talked to me so anyways
we did this manifesting thing on the bed and
held hands and imagined our new our new dad and she
met my stepdad at a party like two weeks
later wow married him very quickly yeah jewish guy
really good man yeah decent human being um and all
of a sudden we had money did you move in with him
no my mom just got to keep her house i'm sure
it was a struggle i don't know what was really
going on there with the house but she rented out
most of the home but did you with the new stepdad
did he move into that house um he was in la
his his base was in marina del rey so we ended up
moving there part time and then moving back i
don't know that they ever really long time lived
together i don't remember that presence of him in
our life for a long time until we moved to marina
del rey and then he died oh no okay so while
you're in high school she's married to this guy
but he's in marina del rey she's traveling all
the time all they did was travel so hence why you
could probably have parties a lot because she
wasn't around right and then let me tell you what
my sister and i figured out so she locked her
bedroom door so while she's gone my sister and
i got that doorknob off and we took it to the
locksmith and we had to make a copy of it so now
we got a key to her drawer so the next time she
leaves town so she wasn't completely out of town
i think they left for a couple days we had to put
it back on yeah and then she went out of town for
like a week well we broke in and i remember
that was the first time we smoked all her pot
and you know we got in big trouble and then we
watched her videos remember those 70s videos like
chicken ball chicken ball yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah we had our friends over we went in there and
watched her born how i learned how to give a blue
job so yeah um that was definitely fun okay so you
had access because she was traveling she was with
her new husband so you guys so um okay so you get
to the end of high school so it's called the
sunset house by the way we were yeah i went to parties
there yeah he's in the backyard yeah i remember
brady i won't say his last name jumping off the
back of the because you know everything was on
a half acre there we have all this property and
he jumped because the cops came and he had the
keg and jumped off the back was running with the keg
i mean you were so crazy i feel like i because
now that i can see it i can see walking parking
walking walking around to the back right kegs are
there i remember this what a trip this is a trip
it's bringing it all back you called your house
it was the sunset house yeah well they tagged it
you had so many parties i mean yeah when you get
away with that many and we had the beavos over the
beaverton guys yes we always stack the deck
it was always a party did you ever have um
jesuit guys over i went to the jesuit prom
okay so you were you were came there too okay yeah
the guy's last name is was my first name okay
yeah all right all right so well i mean see eighties
coke is i mean this very normal coke was present
were you doing coke no i never have done i don't
know how i the guy was dating do you remember
chico of course okay so that was my high school
sweetheart oh i still follow him on facebook
same so we dated i loved him he's a great guy
very great guy um we dated from spring
sophomore year of me because he was a year older
through my freshman year beginning my freshman
year college so we were like together a long time
wow he you just got in on the that the tail end
yeah she got and then she goes cool chico's good
people i mean his brother he had a brother yeah
he was my age right oh it was no no we're the same
age okay but was chico's older chico's older and
what's chris he's older okay yeah yeah chico is
the baby okay there was four of them wow um all
boys yep um they lived in what was that neighborhood
oak ridge i know something i remember him being
very popular and that's why i tied you to that to
that right yes yeah yeah so in a different way
than i was popular right right of course yeah so
but that way but i wasn't a cheerleader but more
normal people she was normal i was i was a normie
i was a normie but i don't think that group
at least he didn't do coke and i don't feel
because remember buddha all those guys um scott
all those guys i don't think they if they did it
he didn't so i didn't maybe they did it but it
wasn't around so it was more that wasn't their vibe
that wasn't their vibe there were more athletes
right no yeah i mean he ran yeah maybe they were
they had this big trailer maybe they played soccer
yeah oh well actually i've been talking to him on
facebook too he's in germany or somewhere and
he's very into personal development he's got a great
family he seems like a great guy yeah no
everyone like vinod remember vinod like all those guys
they're so nice see those were like the athlete
jason were actually normal no jason was a partier
oh yeah but um but they all partied like that
whole group party but i don't remember normal
right yeah it was more weed and booze it was
more weed and booze and psychedelics sometimes but
i just i'm not saying it wasn't there they
didn't i just didn't see it but it's an interesting
distinction as we're talking about it as
i'm thinking about what is that line between
people who end up doing stuff like i did yeah
and then going down that pathway versus the ones
that don't is it daddy issues is there a
commonality i have no idea but it's interesting to think about
how i mean jason was always so cool i still follow
jason on the plane too so it's really fascinating
i don't know i don't know if it is related to
how broke is it how broken your home is is how much
dysfunction is there i mean i know for chico
his family was very leave it to be where parents
married perfect family but mine wasn't i was a
mess so and i think with a lot of financial do you
think how do you because i always thought chico
had cat like they were abundant i don't know i
mean i feel like middle class we all we were all
like upper i mean my mom was on yeah but the area
was very upper middle class like no one would
have known that unless you told people that or your
friends right told people but no one assumed you
no one would have even thought food stamps like
that wasn't our world yeah so it was only for a
few months right because my mom got right right
then she married a rich guy we visualized a man
to come into our lives and then change their life
he did but okay so towards the end of high school
you said you dropped classes on purpose what was
the motivation behind that well my stepfather
passed away okay and whatever reason i don't
know the laws but i was entitled to his social
security um and the cutoff was when you turn 18
or you graduate high school so i dropped
classes because i was going to graduate high school
before i turned 18 okay so you kind of bought
some extra time financial decision yeah it was a
financial decision it was 985 a month and i
remember one of my friends jolly i'll just say
her first name she was crying and because she had
the same situation but didn't want that right um
and she was upset and i remember her saying but
you wanted to do it and i was like i'm not going to
graduation either why do you care like i didn't
care but there was a financial benefit and i got
250 a month from my mom for the child support
that my dad got that my dad gave her okay so i
was making 1200 1100 a month in high school
living off my sister's couch okay so that's what
i was gonna ask so you you did you even go to
school spring semester yeah of course i did i
did elective classes okay so school ends we
all graduate you don't go to graduation you don't
graduate what do you what do you do do you get a
job where did you live um so i did have it i've
always had a job i was always good at getting
jobs i got a job when i was 15 years old i got
my workers permit um but i worked at winchlestone
it's down from sunset high school and i'll never
forget working there and all my friends would
come in and i'd give them free whatever and they were
going to sabbie's island and i was working yeah
i've been working since i was 15 years old and
i remember my mom coming down to see me while
i'm mopping the floor and she peed her pants
she was laughing so hard that i was mopping
floors for somebody else oh my gosh but i was
just so tired of her controlling my money
situation so yeah i worked and then i'll never
forget this other guy that i met at burger
king while i was working at the drive-thru
had so many jobs i got fired from almost every
job i had when i was young why um my mouth usually
probably my mom used to say um your personality
is your birth control okay you know tell me what
to do try it on right see what happens okay so uh
burger king made the cutest guy i can't remember
what high school he went to but he knew a
lot of sunset people and his name was brad
and brad had a lot of friends brad was
selling marijuana and i had in my own apartment
and i think i was getting that child support
but i um i had my own apartment and i was the only
person who had their own place of course yeah and
all these kids came over and stayed the night at
my place and i had to leave because i had to go
to work so they're all passed out i leave and come
back and the heat is turned up so high it is
boiling hot in my apartment i'm like oh my god
i just paid for oh no the whole day so yeah
yeah so how long were you living in that apartment
and kind of had that where you were
working and living in that apartment about a year
and then where did you go um so i went to uh
community college did that i did was at mesa
for a while and then i feel like i moved to
uh palm desert my mom moved to palm desert oh
that's right okay so no no so while i was in uh
college in mesa this is arizona right uh no this
is mesa la mesa where's that the mesa's in san
diego okay so i'm sorry i i'm so sorry let me put
this story together i think my timeline gets
okay so see so after graduation you're living in an
apartment living in an apartment i met a guy you
met a guy and i moved to do you remember sarah yes
yes i met a guy that she knew there were twin
brothers and i met one of her friends a pizza hut
i was working pizza hut and i ended up dating
him and moving to um crawfordsville illinois
edwardsville edwardsville and crawfordsville
so i lived in edwardsville and crawfordsville
crawfordsville was first okay he was going to
college out there and i lived with him and then
we moved to southern illinois university and then
i was done i knew that that relationship was over
and ended up moving to palm desert then i moved
back to the west coast so i did have a i forgot
about you went to illinois yes and palm desert
where is is that that is in uh palm springs palm
springs so what made you go there so um i
remember when i was ready to leave that relationship and
he promised me that he'd drive me across the
country but he wouldn't so i drove myself all
by myself i drove from illinois it was s-i-u-e
area and i sold real estate there by the way and
worked at a pizza hut and a bowling alley i mean
i was a hustler i always worked yeah working girl
yeah um i learned good values with that for
some reason because my mom didn't yeah judy my
stepmother okay so that's where like there's
things that come if you can find them i feel
like that's where she gave me the good work ethic
so i moved from uh from illinois yeah back to palm
springs and my mom goes oh yeah i need a car
she's oh good you have a car come here and i wanted to
go back to oregon because she had the whole house
rented out but her little sweet yeah well why can
i go to oregon she was well i need a car come come
here so i went and i'm not sure if when i turn my
face like this by the way if that's gonna be
a problem okay no you're good you're good so i
drove back to palm springs and she lived in this
little court where i immediately got in trouble
for driving too fast because i was young i got
jobs right away there all the girls did crystal
meth at the cocktail waitress thing that's how
they stayed skinny okay oh i fit right in were
you a cocktail waitress i was a cocktail waitress
at um uh sessles zeldas those were the popular i
mean i met scott bayou you know all the popular
young whatever was it like a bar like a restaurant
nightclubs nightclubs where they did this
weird thing that they'd have you hustle the clients
like okay you bring this this round of shots
yeah and you drop them off and then you look at the
person who looks like he's got money and you're
like i don't know who ordered these but it's 42
or whatever it was it was back then it was right
right and so you'd hustle the customers and i did
not like that it was not clean energy for me
that even back then was a little much for me yeah
but it was the most popular nightclub and all
the cool people went there and famous people so i
worked there for a while and then i realized i
think that was mafia okay it was interesting yeah
i didn't realize there was mafia out there oh
i think there's mafia everywhere you look for
it here yeah yeah there is so so how long were
you there in palm desert yeah uh we were there
for a year so we stayed there for a year um and
you lived with your mom well i lived with her for
a little while and our drinking escalated and so
did our physical fights so there was a moment where
we physically got into a fight um maybe that was
that was actually san diego so we moved back to
san diego together so it got so hot in palm
springs i just remember it got so hot we decided to move
together so we left palm springs and we decided
to go over the mountain to san diego it's like a
two-hour drive so we moved to san diego to a
trailer park she had a motorhome and we lived in
that motorhome together she just had a motorhome
in san diego just randomly no she bought it when
she went to um she left oregon because it was so
rainy while i was in illinois okay she left oregon
okay she went to palm springs and she bought a
motorhome oh so when you drove there you drove
the motorhome to san diego well yes with a friend
i remember a girlfriend helped us with that that
was intense because we went over the mountain i
bet yeah it was a lot i bet because was it one of
those motor homes where it's all one or were you
was it a trailer it felt like a bus no it was a big
giant motorhome that was nice well my stepdad left
her some money right right right okay so you guys
live in that in san diego so we lived in that
in san diego in a motorhome that's close quarters
brewing company off of um garnett almost
garnett it was the one before that was the exit before
garnett i'll never forget that the trailer
court well and that's close quarters especially
considering if you guys are drinking that's when
we would fight we would get along so well and then
i would move in with her and let go of my
apartment because we were together all the
time she was my best friend yeah and then we'd
kill each other because of the drinking or were
you guys still doing drugs too together um i
stopped doing drugs when i turned 21 okay so yes
the answer is yes when i moved to san diego i
think i was still doing them yeah yeah because
i was doing them when i went to la mesa college
which is where we were getting confused because
la mesa is actually in san diego so is that
great professors is that your first stint at
community college was there no i went to um
what was it called in portland rock rock creek rock
rock not rockaway rock creek rock creek community
college rock creek community college yeah i think
there is i did a little time there okay yeah uh
the problem for me with college is that i took
a lot of classes that i wanted to take like
african arts and some really cool classes and then i
went and met with the counselor and she's like
none of these count towards your degree and i was
like well why would i why would i even go then
like what's the point of college and i got a job
in san diego a really good one where i was selling
um uh apple computer uh memory that is a good job
yeah so how long were you there doing that was i
there two years i was there until my mom passed
away okay so you guys were living in the motor
home together but you said you at one point had
a really bad physical fight right and so i
moved into a garage of a home on thomas avenue which
i'll never forget across from the planned
parenthood where it was a huge house a bunch of
guys lived in the main house um some rock star
lived upstairs and i was in the garage for 350
a month it was a converted garage okay some guy
had hung himself in the garage oh yeah it was a
great place but i was that desperate to get out
of that situation so you knew going in somebody had
hung themselves no i think i'd learned it when
i lived there some neighbor had told me about it
but you know i didn't care i wasn't spiritual
then at all it was heavily right inebriated okay
so you're still drinking doing all that very angry
great job and your mom you're still in touch with
i was working in norstroms i worked in
norstroms for years and then um i got that job at um
apricorn it still exists the company is a great
company okay and then you said your mom passed
away like what two years after you guys got
to san diego i was uh 28 no so that's like
because i think we got to san diego and it was
probably 23 um so five years you know okay so
you lived in san diego for five years before she
passed away before she passed away i was there for
28 almost 30 years okay so that's where you were
home base for a long time that's home base okay
so you guys get there you were drinking when you
got there but you stopped at 21 why did you stopped
snorting cocaine and crystal meth at 21 at 21
okay so you stopped drugs we were at the open bar
my mom got bit or she bit somebody my mom bit
someone when she was drunk i threw her out you
were in an open bar called the open bar oh it's
actually an open bar yeah it was really fun okay
it's a great bar you would have loved it and
then she got an altercation and bit somebody
and got thrown out yes and was it after that that
you decided yeah i mean there's so many incidents
like that nicole there were so many times where
i just remember being with my mom but she wasn't
there there's no one home and that's a trigger
for me now when i'm out with people who drink
i can take it to a certain point but then when
they're when they're checked out it's not fun yeah
yeah for me intimacy needs to be done where
we're both in our bodies yes yeah now so yeah so
at 21 was that incident the catalyst that made
you want to start of it you know there were so many
things i just looked at my life and i was like at
21 you're supposed to have responsibility i think
i really saw myself being able to accomplish much
more than i was doing and the possibilities i mean
there was just so so many things i wanted to do
and i could see myself you know doing but i didn't
have the direction and doing that every time i
did that there was one time i did it i was up for
four days in a row and just what was about to
happen during that time it was i felt ashamed
of the experience so i remember thinking to
myself i'm too old for this 21 years old there's
people who are having careers at 21 and people
who are training to become doctors and all kinds
of things and i just stopped i just said i said
no more no more coke no more chris i'm gonna let
myself still drink i'm gonna let myself still smoke
cigarettes okay and then at some point you stopped
drinking too right 25 years ago so that's 28
you're when you were 28 and was that related to your
mom's death in 2000 yeah my mom had passed away
uh well i got sober uh on new year's 1999 i was
wearing the 2000 glasses um but yeah she
passed away i helped her pass away she died in my
apartment in mission beach i lived on mission
beach off of kingston in this cute little tiny
apartment and i was taking care of her and um
august 20th at 420 a.m it's how you funny how you
remember stuff in 1999 or 2000 it was probably
1989 but i don't remember but i just it was like
six months after she passed away i decided to get
sober so that was 1999 okay so she passed away in
like august 1999 and then about six months
later yeah okay and so her passing was that from
drug use and alcohol use or was it something else
i mean so my mom when we would talk on the phone
i could put the phone down and she'd still be
yelling about somebody who did her wrong somebody
who cheated her something that went sideways
she just had so much anger she didn't i mean
most of our parents didn't have resources
or know how to navigate their own emotional
um bankruptcy yeah yeah you know they didn't no
one taught them okay honey where's that in your
body right where are you feeling that let's
breathe through it and therapy but no coaches
we didn't really have coaches back then so they
she just didn't have a lot of resources i just
like you said we didn't talk about it well we
didn't either like they didn't the boomers didn't
which is your mom my mom but we didn't either
you know it's really our generation i think that's
really taken off with that and change things
so a certain percentage it's just a certain
percentage that's what a lot of people don't
realize yeah it's a very small percentage of
people who are awake to emotional intelligence
or words that express things like that i think the
younger generations are way ahead of anywhere
we ever were because yeah gen x our emotional
intelligence our emotional development it that's
why i say i think for a lot of us it's starting
it's starting later in life you know because we
just shoved everything down yeah grind it through
do what we're supposed to do smile through it
and then we hit a point like i was talking to you
before we started recording where we have a
moment to breathe and look around and are like okay
now i'm gonna actually acknowledge what's
going on inside of me so i feel a lot of us came to
that point probably around 50 maybe a little
earlier maybe a little later but i think with
the younger generations are way more in touch
with not all not everybody but i just think it's
more prevalent to be more in touch with what's
going on with you with the younger generations
because they've made that space for themselves
and we're so many of us now are the coaches like
what you do so but okay so to go back though
so your mom passed away you said you helped her
pass away yeah um do you want to share well we
had um yeah we had hospice come to the house okay
i tried to get my sister to take my mom she
had a house i was living in a studio beach front
right apartment party pad like crazy parties
yeah uh right on the beach in mission beach
and i moved her in and just took care of her
you know they told her she would have eight months
to live she lived exactly eight months she died
of the same thing my father died of too which is
bizarre which is pancreatic cancer she had
tumors on her bile duct and she was actually
she flew to Oregon she you know i think what
happens when we get older and i don't know this
is for everybody but when they when they start to
lose control they want control back so she flew to
Oregon she did all this weird stuff i had to go
get her and bring her back and it was very very
hard that was one of the toughest times of my
life so during this time is your sister living in
Oregon still no she moved to San Diego she came
to visit us that's what happens when people go to
San Diego and they visit you they move there
especially if they're from Oregon San Diego is
beautiful it's my favorite part of California um
so okay so she's there with a home but you moved
your mom into the studio they never quite sorted
out their relationship from her abandoning it us
i don't think okay so you were there when your
mom passed away and you made the decision when did
you consciously make the decision to become to
give up alcohol um well my mom died right and i
felt like i had two directions to go i'd met um my
life partner who i was i guess it's not life part
of my life like before midlife what do you call
it when it's i was 28 quarter life and we were
together till i was like 48 18 years we were
together so 28 to 46 um and he said to me that
you know i was taking care of my mom and she
was dying and he met her once and i wanted a
monogamous relationship and he said well i want a
healthy girlfriend i've already done this i don't
want to do it again his last girlfriend was super
cute i met her she's crazy and a drunk you know so
apparently that was something he'd already
experienced and i really wanted monogamy this
guy was worth like i was really surprised that i
actually like this guy let me back up one second
because this part is something i wrote in my
book i call it the um the 30 day um tontric
like the pause so what i started doing i was
dating and drinking and one of the boys that i
slept with um came over the next night to that
party place and tried to sleep with my roommate
or my neighbor she was not my roommate but it
was like she was my roommate because we were
these little apartments were really close
together and i was like what am i doing so i
decided to put in um these kind of things like
quitting crystal and coke would pop up and i was
like okay i'm putting in a 30 day pause i am
not sleeping with anybody two days before i kiss
and no sex for 30 dates and i did that and i had
a couple guys that i put the through and back then
hiv was popular so i they had to get the full
panel and if they made it through the 30 days
then we'd have it 30 30 days or 30 days 30 days 30
days 30 days okay yeah they've been very specific
every guy that's ever talked to me about this
is very is it 30 days or 30 days but the thing is
is it's got to be enough time to feel like i've
gotten to know them so the guys i've noticed are
happy to do it it's really interesting i've been
very surprised um back then like i had a lineup
you know of course i was super cute 28 years old
people are lying about the door oh yeah let's do
this yeah and uh so my partner of 18 years who's
also my business partner and anybody who watches
us that knows us knows him and we're still
friends but um back then i put in the 30 days
and he signed up for it so we made it through
the 30 days and we ended up together for you know a
really long time but that was um a turning point
in my life uh of setting that up so that i actually
would get to know someone and then the next
turning point was where he said to me well i
want a healthy girlfriend if you want monogamy
well have a handshake on it you better get your
shit together and i was like well i'm not doing
that so we broke up for a little while and then
got back together and i said yes and so then you
you had your last drink new year's eve 1999 and
that's the last time you had alcohol and that was
after my mom passed away that was what helped make
that decision for me and i remember thinking my
sister and i went to the bar when they they took
her out of my apartment at five six a.m you know
they came in the coroner's office took her body
from my place and we went drinking and i just
thought again it was that same feeling that i
got when i was doing crystal meth and coke at the
bar i was like there's got to be more to life than
this this cannot be all there is and that's really
what i felt like drinking i was like okay i've got
a decision to make and i decided to get sober so
did you did you get sober from alcohol cold turkey
or did you use any of the tools that are out
there to help people like aa or stuff like that
i went to aa i did 90 days and 90 days 90 90
meetings in 90 days wow um the guy that i was
with for 18 years roommate's girlfriend was sober
so she got me into aa and then she added me to my
sponsor later but um she got me into aa and she
took me to meetings and showed me that i could
drink non-alcoholic beer it's very sweet i was
very grateful it's amazing how sober people will go to
all links to help people that are addicted get
sober it's a beautiful thing how would you say
giving up alcohol in your life changed your life
so i'm gonna go big picture and then i'll bring
it down but i think that alcohol is a spirit now
and when you invite a spirit into your body and
you're allergic to it and you don't know it or
there's not um harmony with that drug alcohol
can be relaxing for some people some people are
normal and it doesn't trigger them to get addicted
for me that's not how it worked so you know it
immediately um i'm trying to remember i think my
first drink was i was eight i drink a beer and
beer is awful and um what was the question it was
how do you feel giving up alcohol out of your
life affected your life oh i mean my one true
sentence is if my mother hadn't died i wouldn't
have gotten to live so do you feel that you're
living you have lived a much more authentic and
fulfilling life since giving up alcohol and if you
would have kept drinking that would not have
happened anyone who drinks and knows that they
are an addict is miserable i remember when
my girlfriends looked at me and they're like
you're not even having fun anymore why are you
still drinking so what is that experience like
when you are an addict and you are drinking and
everyone else around you is just having a good old
time and it's happy hour and they're just
letting loose but what is it that as the the addict is
feeling yeah for me it was that i could no longer
uh get that same experience that high or that fun
party part it just was it was changing it was no
longer fun i wasn't having fun anymore but i still
did it and i couldn't stop that was the shit
part and i mean i got a dui back then too so
that helped wake me up and i'll never forget
asking my mom mom are we alcoholic they're telling
me i'm alcoholic in this in this thing and she's
like oh no i don't want to talk about that no we're
not alcoholic right so i um i feel like for people
who are curious sober curious you know for me what
i decided was i said i can do it for a year
i'm going to take a year off if my life does not
completely transform and i do not become the
happiest person i've ever met i'm going back to
so why not why don't i give it a shot give
your life a chance for a year my life completely
changed i mean within two almost two and a half
years i think i found the company that i helped
build for 23 years and the 12th step to me i
did the 12th step over and over and over again i
obsessively did the 12 steps i have so many
journals that i burnt and that i tossed out
i mean i did it so many times i think the
personal development side of the 12 steps is powerful
um and it helps you grow right you can't help
but grow there are some people who get sober
from alcohol and don't do their work and those
are called dry alcoholics interesting i've met
some of those so they just gave it up but
they didn't take the next step for the personal
development aspect right so there's a little
edge there to some of those people's personalities
interesting interesting so you said after doing
that after giving up alcohol and your life changed
and you um ended up finding the company that you helped build what was that company
so i'm not gonna say the name of the company
okay um i'm even not allowed to promote it it's
really interesting when you're part of an MLM
they have all kinds of laws and regulations okay
the company i helped build was a coaching company
i developed the coaching division of it but what
i wanted to share was the 12th step is being in
service okay so in AA i sponsored one young woman
she stole my tapes i gave her my tool tech way
tapes her story was so heartbreaking i mean i have
a lot of compassion and empathy and my nervous
system is not designed to help people who are here
and when i started coaching people with weight
loss and helping them with their physical mental
and financial well-being i felt like i was taking
them from here to here that was working so i really
only sponsored one person in AA and we used the
big book and in the company i helped build we have a
big book too but it's all about the habits of
health okay so we will all go through it together
so when i got healthy and started teaching
other people so i start sponsoring other people it's
the same thing it was so cool yeah and i was
doing it for physical mental and financial well-being
and getting paid because guess how much the
sponsors in AA get paid nothing i would assume
it's volunteer right it's actually a lot of
drama what is the uh what do you think the
differences between the person that's here
versus the person that's up here is that just desire
that they're ready just desire uh yeah i think
there's part of that for motivation i guess yeah
same word yeah i think that part of it is that i
think um i think the desire motivation is definitely
a piece but i also think the willingness to to
to meet yourself they're ready almost to see your
own fears and like to shift the way you see your
childhood rather than making everybody else wrong
saying they did the best that they could and they
shit the bed yeah now it's my turn yeah now i've
got the responsibility to shift and forgiveness is
giving yourself the forgiveness letting go of the
shame and all of those emotions that we feel one
thing that's coming through i think you don't i
don't think you view yourself as a victim it
almost sounds like you've had what you had but
you're now taking it and making it a good
thing thank you that's really powerful and a really
powerful observation uh i've done more work than
anybody else i know and i'm not trying to boast
about that but that's what i did in my personal
development work and i honestly feel like a lot
of us think that life is supposed to be easy
but we used to kill each other going down the
pathway right like we'd get robbed and
people would kill each other left right and center
back in the old days we're not that far from that
and i think everyone forgets that and thinks that
life is supposed to be easy um i've done a lot
of deep spiritual work we talked about that enough
we'll talk about the the the medicine but um
that part of when i started getting into spirit and
connecting with god and what that energy felt
like is helped me see that um death is easy and
the spiritual work that we do here and the
vibration and the frequency that we hold while we're here
how we see things the way we view the world whether
or not we forgive and decide that that person like
so the book that i wrote is one of the chapters
is the man who showed me who my father was and what
i learned from my mom my dad dying is and this
is recent like this is all like in the last year
is that no one does anything and i've been
studying the four agreements for decades the four
agreements with dalma gal ruiz is one of my
favorite books and the four agreements are
the second agreement which is the number one
agreement that i'm focused on is don't take
anything personal because no one does anything to
you they're just assholes and you happen to be in
their care or there are people like my mom who
was abused as a young child and had no resources
or skills and she was just doing what her mom
did and for those people out there who've been
very severely abused i'm so sorry i really am
but i really believe that the parents who parented
them just repeated what happened to them they
don't it's not like they took this kid and said
you are the one who's going to get this it was
like you're the person in my face i gave birth to
you or you're now in my charge and i'm a miserable
person so that's what you're going to get and now
guess what you get to do you get to make a choice
yeah did this happen to me or did it happen for me
and one of the spiritual medicines that i used
i remember after it my friend said to me do you
whitney because i didn't think i could get on the
plane to go home i was having so much anxiety and
she goes whitney do you think the universe is
happening for you or against you and i believe
that the universe is happening for me and the
lessons that i'm receiving i get to choose in
every moment what does this mean and they're not
all easy and not always in my resource to be this
one of my friends pointed that out to me and i'm
like i know like when put me in a car especially
here we are not the meditating goo that i have developed into i get a little crazy
when did you have that realization then which one the the world's not against you
than it is for you yeah because that's pretty
powerful that's a complete mind difference i
don't know if it's a shift per se right but it
it could be a shift for some folks but it's just
a different way of looking at things yeah
yeah great question um i have done a lot of plant
medicine and um the way i've aggressively
chased life i chased plant medicine so i did uh
experience with ibogaine ibogaine is the only plant
medicine known to help someone who's a heroin addict
recover from heroin addiction so after burning
man all stories start like that i met a woman
and she had a shaman um like uh it was her step
mommy type of vibe who loved her and had a clinic
down in mexico where ibogaine is legal and she
would help heroin addicts get off heroin so we
went down thinking oh this will be great you know
i wanted to do all of the medicines ibogaine is so
deep and so intense and what i felt like it did
was it went in and took all that crystal meth and
cocaine that i'd ever done and it shook it out
of the receptor sites so it was all loosened my
system and it was moving through my system but
it was all there i was so paranoid it was the
trippiest thing so we're getting ready to get
on the airplane they told me to take a xanax they
said look take a xanax and i was like no i
don't i you know i don't want to take anything like
i was such a puritan and here i am you know
because i i wasn't drinking alcohol but i had
certain things that i was okay doing so i took
that xanax and everything i felt like my whole
my nervous system cleared out all of that crystal
meth all of that cocaine because i think it's all
spirit and it lives in our bodies anything
you do nicotine i love cigarettes god if i could
smoke and not die so yeah um so when she said it
to me she said that question she had the xanax and
she's like i go i don't think i can get on the
plane and she's like what is the universe for
you or against you and i got a choice of the
blue or white pill i took the xanax and i realized
oh my god everything is for me every choice
that i've made in my life has predicted me or
taken me to the next choice whether good or bad
who's to judge and the thing about doing plant
medicine is it brings you from my perspective to
god's perspective which is you think about animals
in the wild they're just killing each other
there's no judgment no shame no guilt it's survival
and that's what i'm saying is we're not that
far from that yeah so that decision or that shift
happened then i was like oh my god everything
because it was so hard for me to end my 18 year
relationship but i ended it it was just it was
something shifted i was done and walking away from
something that you've invested that much with it
was it was really so the i've again experienced
am i saying it right i i began um that was
recently that was or yeah right it wasn't
eight years ago seven seventy okay and so it
almost sounds like a cleanse yeah deep spiritual
cleanse i do not recommend it to anybody who
isn't really trying to recover from heroin addiction i
mean that's the deepest medicine that's called
the grandfather really oh it was deep like and
it's from another planet 100 like my whole body
lit up and the sound of the universe to me was
it makes you instantly psychic too like i asked
the question because i could see everybody throwing
up everyone who i went there with got food
poisoning about me they were throwing up during
the whole yeah they opened the door and i saw
my girlfriend project out of almond but it wasn't
from the ibogaine right no it's from where we went
and ate they all got food poisoning everyone were
they all doing the ibogaine yes and they
project out of almond so their food poisoning hit them
during this ibogaine yeah that's a bad bad trip
for them no kidding but then you you eat the same
stuff but didn't get food poisoning i don't
think i ate the same stuff okay yeah you must
is the universe forming you're against it yeah
no kidding i got some big boy angels on my back
i have some protection i don't know if they're
angels or aliens or whatever what is the what is
the ibogaine is it cactus or is it a plant it what
i understand is it's in africa the only place you
can find it is in maybe a root roots it's a
root yeah okay and how long does the journey last i
think we did three treatments three different days
and it lasted all night okay so like three nights
so it lasted like i mean when did we start like i
think she waited until it got dark like six o'clock
and then i think it was two o'clock before and
so do you feel that after that those sessions
that changed my life that changed the trajectory
of your life totally well trajectory so how do you
define trajectory um like if you're at a
crossroads and you can make a choice you chose this choice
instead of the path you were on you chose a totally
different i think it's deep in the path i was on i
don't think it changed it i think doing ibogaine
because i've done all kinds of medicine i've been
doing medicine since i was 40 okay i think it
sounds almost more like it changed your psyche
in how you your mindset and what kind of
you're describing you've relieved yourself of a
shit ton a lifetime of baggage you're now
loosened up and it's it's out of you the toxins are gone
and now you've got this new perspective is
kind of how i'm picturing more so than the
trajectory right because that's like a path that
i'm going to go here and i'm going to be financially
wonderful or not or whatever right this is my
perspective you're saying perspective perspective
change it seems like yeah perspective change is
an accurate way to to define it not only did i see
that the universe was for me but i mean that is
deep deep god medicine i mean like i said i think
it's from another planet i think that aliens
planted it there so we could find it and have
some healing because this planet how many people
would agree that this is a lot of work yeah yeah
studies human there's a lot of good things on
this planet but there's also a lot of suppression of
those good things through pharmaceutical
industry and money and all that there's a lot of things
that don't get taken advantage of yeah and cut
into it but think about okay so so yes and if you
think about our parents parents like that's one
of the practices that i've gone through with the
hoffman institute which was you know a
traditional therapy process when i was a hoffman institute
they had us go back to first of all you go to
the funeral of your parents and you imagine people
there and what would they say about them
but then they have you think of them as kids
we were so fortunate to be brought up when we
brought up that there's even an option to change
the way i look at something the perspective
change they didn't have that do you watch old movies
yeah yeah yeah yeah so okay before we jump ahead
because now i have a question about the hoffman
but um i just want to go back a little bit
because we kind of skipped over it um your heart surgery
how old were you 50 okay so we haven't gotten
there yet i thought i was for some reason i was
thinking that we skipped over that okay so so you
are building this company with your partner at the
time the company that should not be named kind
of like voldemort um how long were you involved
with that company i'm still involved with the
company okay so you're still currently connected
with that company and your role in the company
how would you define what your role was um my
role shifted quite a bit i used to be very
involved i helped build the culture of the company we were
one of the first 50 coaches that um developed
the culture um and i was on stages and you know
working with the corporation and um when i ended my relationship with my partner
i mean it's an mlm so you have an upline my
partner's my upline so i was tired of working
and you know we we got property in tahoe i
don't i left that part out but we moved to tahoe for
eight years so so you guys met lived in san
diego for a while and then moved to tahoe yes
and is that where you would say most of your
life together was was in tahoe no that was only
six six years okay seven years most of the life
was in san diego okay and traveling we traveled
all i traveled all over the world with him he was
a big wave surfer so i've been fortunate and we had
the freedom because we did a virtual coaching
business to travel all over the world all over
the country first which is why i know firsthand
this percentage of the population think the way
that we're communicating we've just found that
pocket of people most people all over the world
i mean there's farmers great people they just
don't have an interest in this and it's okay
there's you know one of my mentors says just fluff their pillow let them sleep
they don't need to be waking up it's not our job
to woke people i love my life i'm super happy to
be sober to be from alcohol to be growing and
learning to be sitting now with really interesting
people and having an opportunity to share my
story is really important and it feels really
good what a great like this is medicine this is
like another form of medicine yeah that's really
cool yeah so would you say um when you guys
were coaches just for just to break it down
for listeners you guys were coaches you talked
about physical mental financial how would you
help people or how do you if you still do it how
do you help people like what's what are the steps
yeah so i'm gonna do it for you guys can i do
like a coaching exercise for you guys and then
everybody who's listening can follow along yeah
so if you want to close your eyes you can close
your eyes and take a deep breath if you want to
just keep them open that's fine too but imagine
your 10 physical health and we're going to go
through your physical your mental and your financial
can you imagine your best physical health
you're at your 10 you're at your goal weight you feel
great you sleep through the night you're
physically active you're at your goal weight your diet's
great what else you just feel like a million
bucks no pains you're not on medication you feel like
you could run through this place naked yay
wherever you are your 10 can you feel it when you can't
open your eyes and where are you at now compared
to that vision do you want to share i don't have to
number wise where physically taking in
medications into consideration compared to the ultimate um
probably a seven great congratulations seven
yeah what does that mean though so on a scale
from yeah that's how i interpreted it right
exactly yeah yeah say now but i would say if
you asked me a year ago or a year and a half ago
uh four wow i've made insane changes in it the last
year year and a half what were those cutting
out alcohol out of my life special occasions also
maybe have like a glass of wine with my daughter
if we're you know if it's something special like
that pretty much i don't drink walking over 10
000 steps every day getting up at five in the
morning to walk getting making sure i commit to
that um weight-bearing exercise five days a week
good job um are you lifting him because we do
it together oh that's great we walk together we
wait lift weights together um creatine um
and supplement focusing on my supplements um
focusing obviously on my eating i've been
gluten free for like 12 years so that was a given but
then cutting out a lot of dairy like dairy is
very rare sucks that we have to let it does cheese is
the best i know dairy either i don't know so
it's all those little you're the seven now i'm at
a seven do you know what you would need to do to
get yourself closer to a 10 do you know what the
next steps are for you i think my next steps are
in introducing meditation that's the mental health
we'll go there but yes that will impact your
physical yeah and i think uh introducing cleansing
some cleansing some fasting i'm on a bone broth
thing right now okay yeah so it's that i think i
need that yeah um just to play with your with
your food yeah know that you're in control is
a powerful experience yeah um sleep um sleep is
my biggest weakness i don't get enough of it yeah i
think if i got enough sleep i would easily jump to
an eight do you know why you don't sleep at night
um i think i have too many things in my
brain happening i think i worry about my kids
uh it's hard to turn that off yeah um because
even though they're older i still have worry
different worries um and i have no control over
it and it's so i have to give it over to god i've
i've incorporated prayer big time in the last
three years of my life and really practicing giving
things over to god that's been huge so probably
anxiety turn it over baby yeah yeah so i would
think that affects and then also just time because
you know we have a 15 year old and there's things
like you know finding out 9 30 he has a project
do the next day well i can't go to bed now you
know things like that i don't have control
over that you know so um sleep's a big one though
for me okay well i'd like to give you ideas on
that but i also i think we'll keep going i want
to take you through what the coaching is just
so we complete that yeah yeah and then i will and
we might do it off air but i'll i'll try to come
back to the sleep thing that i've started doing
yeah for sure but the meditation could be helpful
okay so let's go to mental health and close your
eyes or not take a deep breath imagine you're 10
the happiest version of yourself no drama you have
purpose and meaning in your life you're so
happy all your relationships are healthy um you have
time to do the things you love your spirituality
is on point your 10 imagine yourself just giggling
and laughing all the time that's what i do but
what is your 10 what does 10 look like to you in
your life and when you can feel it in your body
open your eyes what's your number in this moment
i mean my number is pretty good for this i would
say i'm probably at an eight congratulations yeah i
feel pretty good about where i'm at mentally i
would think the thing i need to change would be to
have more fun i think live music is my biggest
outlet for that it's where i feel more my authentic
self and it's a realignment for me every time i
go see live music i dance so that helps the somatic
healing and all that um so i think i need to
incorporate that more for myself dancing yes
yes yes i love dancing um so i think uh that
would be huge it's just uh we both work very hard
professionally and also as parents right and i
think we both of us are not balanced with fun
yeah and then of course that becomes you can get
edgy with the other person because the stresses
of life we have an amazing marriage and amazing
friendship and amazing relationship and the only
thing that's negative i'm going to say this
in our relationship at this point in our lives
is um just the stress of the world and balancing
that it isn't what's going on between us intimately
it's when the world is coming in and we're both having to deal with it
and that's where you can get in little
arguments but it's not personal it's just we're reacting
so because good awareness you take us out of
that and we're like best buds there's no problems so
it's getting more fun a balance of more fun while
we're working our asses off you know do you guys
do a date night we've tried we're together so
much you know so we don't need an activity together
yeah you're working out together and that's
huge yeah that's huge well maybe you need activity
separate maybe you need to get a girl's night
going and we and i do i'll go without with my
girl that's always been an important thing
like we had like i tried to get away with
spend time with women i very particular on
who i spend my time with um i've learned that
consistency that but you want to have more
fun together is something i hear you saying too
yeah do you guys ever to go to workshops together
or do any personal growth no together any marriage
development together no you know a lot of
churches offer that if you're getting into church that's
one thing to consider that he's not into church
okay he's not spiritual or religious and it's an
interesting relationship right where i am but he
isn't so that wouldn't be a common ground for us
but honestly i think when we see live music
together is when we completely everything real
lines again that's been our but i think i'm open
to other things you get creative together i mean
he seems very um open and interested in thinking
outside the box and he's here with you doing this
this is a creative outlet by the way it is
it is great 100 but we're not dancing no no
and you want to be physical and do something
else so maybe just have the intention once a quarter
you guys come up with something fun to go away
and do together there's camping or going to a
live concert or going to a festival yes we
actually are um the end of next month we're going to
alabama to see billy strings for three nights
so it sounds like you're already doing it we're
trying yeah you're an eight i mean yeah yeah i
feel pretty good you're doing well okay so let's
go to the financial well okay now we'll get in
a lot of people have a lot of discomfort with
the financial part where it's all if you think
about physical is the food and you know how you
feel your body mental is what you think about
you said you worry about your kids my invitation
would be start imagining what you want for them
and make that a practice even though it's super
hard and i know it is for all moms because i know
so many moms that they can't help it yeah but you
can yeah and now it's the time we have this new
awareness that you have control over what you focus
on so just start practicing that what if
everything went right for him what if the kids came back and
this great thing happened yeah because the storm
is going to happen whether you think about it or
not so why think about it why not pretend like in
your nervous system because the only person you're
affecting is you when you put worry out okay so
let's go to finance i agree with all of everything
you just said big time good and that's a
practice honey so it's just like getting off sugar it's
like 100 and you're addicted to the fear a lot of
us get evicted to those thoughts i am i am i i wish
i could just know everything's going to be fine
and then i can relax but you can't but what if
you do know in your body right because in
reality if the universe has my back everything is going
to go exactly as it's supposed to right and when
you do medicine work deep medicine work you realize
that death is love and we're all connected we're
all going to be connected again whether you believe
in you're an atheist or whatever why not
believe the best thing you could believe why do people
believe in the worst yeah i don't know i don't
know it's such a great point for sure yeah we're not
we're not raised to believe in the best is going
to happen and we're we're raised to be fearful and
think of the worst because survival was real it's
not anymore we're not really in survival if people
quit spending their money on shit they would have a
lot of it yeah and that's my biggest thing is live
under your means so we're going to talk about
finances next okay so let's imagine take a deep
breath and i want you to imagine your 10 for
abundance your financial well-being you have great
income you manage the money that comes in so well
you're so much money i like to imagine 25 million
dollars and what does that feel like in your
body is it freedom you never look at the check
ever again you give money away because you're so
abundant all your bills are paid you are in such
incredible position to be abundant the most
abundant version of yourself can you feel that
in your body and when you got it open your eyes
that's your 10 and give us a number from 1 to 10
of where you are now five okay yeah so really
we kind of have your life puzzle and we can spend
some time on your five but if you think about
it you gave yourself number one was a seven eight
no number one was um seven oh no i think yeah
eight mental and five financial so generally
what i'll tell people but it sounds like you're
really hustling is that you would um well no i
guess this would be the advice to you because
you're super happy you're super physically well
then you take your foot off of that and put your
foot on the abundance factor what is it in your
abundance or in your finances or in your finances
what is it that you know that you need to adjust
that would make the biggest difference for you
um i don't know i think that's my problem so let's
break it down though when you get to your five
if you think about where do you want to go do you
want to go to a seven if you want to take your
five to a seven where your physical health is you
took your health from a four to a seven by just
quitting drinking and making some changes yeah so
if you look at what is it and this is for everybody
like making a list of all the have-to's go through
your credit card bills what are the things we have
to do and what are the things we'd like to do and
what are the things do we need to take away from
so that we can put money towards something else
and the one thing that i used to coach people
on before they buy stuff and i know you guys
i mean you don't seem like you're buying random
stuff although there's a lot of stuff here yeah
yeah stuff is material stuff and i find that a
lot of people especially here have a lot of material
things and they're spiritually bankrupt and
they're so like somebody said to me oh yeah getting bored
i'm like i could never get i don't even know what
that means yeah yeah i'm never bored yeah i'm never
bored yeah do you find that um it's different on
the east i know you've lived extensively on the
west coast and now you've recently how long have
you been over here on the east coast would you say
almost two years uh what is what are the
differences you're seeing when you just talked about
materialistically i think a lot of people and
just to close the loop on that three the physical
mental and financial that's that's what i go
through with people now you have your physical
your mental and your financial puzzle yeah and
if he wants to sit down and you do it with him and
take him through it then you guys can look at
okay what are the things that we want to shift
and adjust so we can take the next step to move
forward now as a coach that's where i offer my
services i help people get clarity i either
charge them or put them on my program depending on what
the need is and i move them closer to their
goal i help them make those adjustments it's really
having accountability you guys have each other yeah
yeah yeah so if you can hold each other accountable
i find some couples and people just shop as a
soothing factor they're spending money to soothe
it's an addiction it's just to squash down some
of those feelings of fear or anxiety that they
haven't figured out how to deal with on a different
level yeah that makes sense and so you're so you're
still actively coaching people and taking clients
yeah i'm gonna build a whole new program i finish
my book i am going away as i mentioned and i'm
gonna clean it up and then i'm gonna come back
and publish it and i'm gonna probably travel a
bit and do some speaking and and build a coaching
coaching practice so is this separate than the
company you've been working with you know it all
goes together so it just depends on what somebody
needs if they want to lose weight i have a weight
loss program second to none i know weight
loss backwards and forwards um the company that i
help build can say now we reverse metabolic
syndrome and 90 percent of people have it so
i can help with your physical with your mental
and with your financial and just to go back to
the mental for 30 seconds with you the meditation
is the thing that for me this new dr joe dispense
the work that i've been doing he doesn't use
plant medicine like i did a lot of work with that
medicine and it's a spirit and it's an incredible
work for a lot of people and it's done some damage
but now with dr joe's work he's just doing it with
your own breath and the work that it takes to start
focusing on what you want even though in your
body like this morning when i woke up i could feel in
my body i must have had a bad dream so then what
amount of work does it take to reset yourself back
to what do i want to create what's possible what
can i dream like when did we start dreaming about
what's wrong versus what's right like when you're a
little kid you get to imagine the best possibilities
of we could be magical fairies we could be wonder
woman we could do anything we want so that is the
invitation is the meditation and when you can sit
with yourself and your thoughts just like you did
with your kids nicole i can see you're a great
mom you just reship those thoughts when you start
hearing them go in a direction that's not healthy
and not positive start shifting them say you know
no this is what i want to focus on and when you
do that enough times you catch yourself and then
like me in the car and i'm like that motherfucker
i'm like oh you're someone's kid bless you i'm so
sorry and yes i feel bad because i'm
consciously incompetent now so you're aware that you are
unaware or aware that you're going in a direction
you don't want to go so shift it so that's just my
yeah mental health part for you and i meditate
for at least an hour a day you got to split it up i
know you're super busy and most people out
there like i don't have time for that yeah you do
especially if you look at for people out there
your mental health is higher if your mental health
was a five it would be a nine one one you have
to meditate yeah for a very solid period of time
maybe your physical health was higher so we take
away from the physical health time and we put it
in the mental health you've got your puzzle now
and once you help someone find their puzzle then
they know how to resource and you're just
reallocating we're not going to take it away for
long you're just going to shuffle the deck and get
it towards what you want so you can create more of
what you need to have in your life so you can
be a better mom a better parent a better spouse
i love how you said um about dreaming positive
basically positively and so negatively or setting
up your mind the way what you just talked about
made me think about people should set up their
mind before they fall asleep in that
positive way that positive outcome um thinking about
everything that could go right instead of what could go wrong and then as you dream
your dreams will follow suit so what you're thinking about before you go to sleep
could affect your rest and your subconscious as
you're dreaming which then could affect how you
feel when you wake up in the morning so you
could get stuck in the cycle of always your
eat your sleep time you're going to sleep sleeping
and waking up there's always fear base or negative
which indirectly or directly affects your day
so you never kind of get out of it does that make
sense well absolutely that's what i've been
studying so one thing i would also suggest is doing a
dump you know you take a dump yeah dump your
mind mind dump do a mind dump take your journal
write out all the crap you know you have to do
put it aside then meditate then imagine your life as
though everything you've ever dreamed of that
you've ever wanted has already happened what does
that feel like in your body your son's graduated
college you guys are empty nesters yeah you can go
anywhere you want you can do anything you want
you have grandkids they're healthy they're wonderful
everybody's happy you know imagining those things
going on for you yeah your kids are beyond happy
what's that feel like in your body like everything
worked out everything's okay as though it's already
happened in this moment so yeah because isn't
it true your body reacts to whatever the thoughts
are become your reality and so whatever you're
thinking about your body doesn't know if it's
really happening or not so you're putting your
body through the trauma and the stress even if
you're just thinking about a situation right
well the body's speaking too if you know kinesiology
the body's actually trying to communicate we just
give more attention to what thoughts we don't give
as much attention to our body and tell what
happens autoimmune disease sickness and then you're
finally like oh you're talking oh have you been
talking this whole time and i haven't been listening
and then you're like chasing the mind addiction
of fear hostility you know all the things that
are negative and what you could start doing is
having them balance because the body wants to be
in balance the body wants to be healthy like it
will regrow limbs and parts of your you know like
i mean i'm maybe not in a physical human being
but in some cases you can heal yourself and what
you think about you bring about have you ever
heard that i've heard about your thoughts can
become your become your reality so i think
that's been true forever and we just have not really
given it permission and now i feel like we're just
coming up on the evolution of consciousness where
you have permission you have permission nicole as
a matter of fact i am commanding you for 30 days
imagine your life as though everything you've
ever dreamed of is so so beautiful so happy and do
that for 30 days and see if anything changes and
if it doesn't stop doing it but if it does which
it has for me it doesn't mean that life doesn't
have opportunities it means that i called them
opportunities and that you know i get
really angry now i'm running energy of hope and
transformation and evolution and what's the
lesson here and it's you know for some people it's like
what's that well if that's not good for you
then don't do it i'm not asking anybody who's not a
match for me i feel like i sing my soul's note
and if it tunes into you great just like trump he's
tuning it he hits a tuning fork whoever's
attracted come in if you're not check out right
tv change the freaking channel yeah yeah you
know that's a fascinating point you're bringing up
because not just trump but it made me think
about it he elicits such a negative response
from some people when you can just keep moving
on you don't need to get sucked into that whole
vortex of his energy if it doesn't agree with
you so i think what you're saying is spot on
if it doesn't work just keep going don't let
it don't let it throw you off yeah it's just
but don't let it throw you off that much it's not a
big deal it's a choice it's a choice it's a choice
now that's the part where people don't like to
take responsibility yeah yeah that's their choice
that's why lawsuits are so heavy that's why
attorneys have so much work because people do
not want to take responsibility for the fact that
they're making the choice where granted and i use
trump because we're in florida and that just i
know triggers so many people but i'm from i always
they yell this to the drivers who almost
hit me or they honk at me i'm from california
california we let each other cross the street
it's like i'm from kansas yeah but what you're
saying is that it is up to the individual
something happens in your life what is your decision around
how you're going to respond to it are you going
to react with violence use someone else's system
which is what my therapist told me my mom
used to do she would use other people's systems
uh to run her emotions and they were usually what
do you what do you mean by that i can get it with
like the the recent stuff with charlie kirk right
they didn't like his words they're gonna go shoot
him but what is that other system oh that's
interesting i hadn't thought about that and
honestly i didn't even know who he was because i
don't watch my nervous system can't handle it and
i'm sorry for the people out there who are upset
that i'm not putting myself in a position of having
to expose myself to um things like that but i
just choose where yeah very consciously i put my
energy because my nervous system can't handle
that stuff like i don't know him i'm sorry but
you don't have to be sorry for not knowing him
no one should make you feel sorry for not knowing
who charlie kirk is i mean everybody's entitled
everybody's right by their method that's kind of
how i try to see the world is that you see it
one way and the way i got there was with doctors i
trained doctors for 20 years so doctors all
see things from their perspective everybody's
channeling through whatever they see things
through so what was your point again you said
you were it was asking about um it was uh how
your mom used other systems other people oh yeah so
she would get angry so we would go to norstrom
well mom had this great thing she would do we
she we were on food stamps but she had a
credit card so she'd go buy fifteen hundred dollars
worth of clothes which was a lot back then yeah
we would get to wear the clothes we would do uh
drink champagne and do like um you know what do
girls do when we get all dressed up in front of
the mirror yeah yeah so much fun fashion show
right yeah and then she would take the clothes back
and back in the old days they would challenge her
they would be like uh well now they do it for sure
but back then they'd have moments where they'd
be like man this looks like it's been worn and she
would lose her shit and she would use their
system processing her emotions instead of like
so for me when somebody loses their shit it's
just an indication that they haven't they're
i don't want to call it lazy but if you don't
know how to move emotions like anger through your own
body that usually means no one sat with you and
said hey where are you feeling that in your body
are you tuning in because it's your anger until
you expel it onto somebody else it's like splashing
them with a hot cup of water or shooting them
to that degree yeah but it's still not personal
they have emotions yeah they have shit that's
going on yeah and they're choosing you as the
person who's in front of them not for any
particular reason or maybe it is but it doesn't
matter it's still not personal they're having
this emotion and they want to express it to someone
and they don't know how to deal with it
themselves yeah they're projecting or yeah objectify i love
to objectify people now because we didn't used
to be able to do it when you use an app and you're
dating you can objectify guys like many well
anyways you do any one of those things like
however you're responding or reacting to
whatever's going on in front of you but if it's an energy
and you're angry yes my therapist used to say my
mom would use other people's systems to work out
her emotional shit that's interesting i think
parents also do that too with their children
where if you're stressed out about finances or
you're stressed out about anything that's going
on with job or whatever and then like the
smallest thing might happen with your child
but all that anger and stress from this other
situation then goes on to your kid right i think
that happens a lot with displacement of
your anger yeah for sure have you heard of carl
young's internal and external locus of control i
think a lot of that is what you're talking about
that self accountability of dealing with your
own shit before you start to put it onto others out
there in the world but it it like you've said
it's a skill and it needs to be practiced like how
you just challenged me to the doing this for 30
days it's almost like start lifting weights for
30 days start eating clean for 30 days it's just
it goes along the lines of all the things to better
yourself you have to do it for a so isn't it like
three weeks to form a habit or something like that
i don't know the the science on it but i'm a big
advocate of if you work out or start a diet you've
got to make the hardest day is like day 21 it's
like the third week in yeah the first two weeks
anybody can do anything for two weeks but the third
week is when it starts to really sort of work it's
you eat healthy although shitty toxins or have
left maybe by the third week of lifting weights
you're probably not as sore walking you're not as
tired so that's when you start to see progress i
guess yeah yeah no it makes sense you just went
out again no i didn't oh there you are sorry so to go
back to my other question though since you've lived
here for two years and but you pretty much grew up
on the west coast that's been your life they let
me just okay you're building a muscle basically
and just want to say discipline in the military
think about olympic athletes yeah what are they
great at anybody who's ever accomplished anything
worth having is discipline and militant about it
and that is the thing that most people are lazy
as f is that my goal is to get you to get out of
your comfort zone i want you to be so
uncomfortable yeah on a regular basis whether it means you want
to say something to someone and you no longer
communicate in that way because you're going to
only talk about love and yeah puppy dogs and
happiness and you just say the things that are
kind to people and that's so uncomfortable for
you like i am in my card i'm ready to you know
so that's the intention and when i went to
dr joe's workshop i'm going to show that i've
did a seven day meditation he has us do a five
and a half hour meditation we're up at four am
we're up at six am he gets us out of our comfort
zone and i know this is being a coach for 23 years
i'm sober 25 you have to stop doing what's easy
and start doing what you don't know what is not
normal that's how you start and create a habit
and that's how you break a habit goes both ways
what do you think though as far as society is
is crazy right and i think a lot of people are
outside of their comfort zone on the daily
and so to say hey get out of your comfort zone
how does that land that i guess in a sense i'm
talking about okay so let me ask you a question
what is it in your life that you would like to
create in the next 90 days what would you like
to have so i'm talking about intentional
intentionality people are crazy in their day
because they don't start their morning thinking
about the people they're going to see and what
they want to create they're lazy and they're
crazy like you said instead of being intentional
and holding and creating a container like you
guys have here for people to get to come in and
share their stories by the way anybody who wants
to come on the show it's so good really beautiful
to get to share your story but i do think that
society is crazy but mostly because they haven't
done the discipline she quit drinking yeah that
discipline creates it's like a domino effect when
it's the butterfly effect you do one thing and
it creates lifetimes it creates you know you think
about our ancestors i've done healing for our
ancestors for mine for sure like when you do
something different than what the people in your
ancestral space have not been able to accomplish
we're doing things that people could never do it
takes work and effort what does it take to have
a hot body what are you doing right now eat well
sleep while you guys are doing it together you're
working out you're lifting weights weights are
heavy yeah you got to do it over and over and
over again so that's what the weight of focusing
on what you want imagining on what it feels like
in your body it's such a freaking high i do
walking meditation as often as i can in the morning
so i can imagine the life and it he has you
walk with it so you can start now living in life
as though everything in my life has already come
true i see the audience clapping because i am now
i've written my book i'm a best-selling author
i'm helping millions of people all over the world
i imagine my community all my friends
everything in my life is so amazing and i'm just so happy
and what's that feel like in my body bliss and
you do that for an hour every day and guess what
starts to happen guess what starts to happen you
start to believe it i would assume and start to
feel it and live it most likely wow things start
showing up that you're like oh my god did that just
happen i wanted that yeah wow yeah i think
you're tapping into though the power of perception and
how you look at things and just how you approach
the world because there's always two choices and
you've touched on it right there's there's uh
at least two choices but you could you can either
see the good or the bad and you're talking about
seeing the good yes and then that just manifests
itself and it picks up momentum and before you
know it everything is it's all good and and it's
and it can be though i don't doubt that
actually but it also i would assume wards off um
disease physically yeah like if you relinquish
yourself of the weight of fear and the weight of
uncertainty and the weight of stress as much as
you can your body starts to heal and it and well
and if you're young you could do this proactively
speaking to the younger generations and you don't
even get the disease to begin with you're
staying ahead of the game by putting yourself in that
space you're it's actually a form of health
taking care of your physical health too but they
could do it they could be way better off than
many of us or us gen xers at least but just grind it
through because we ignored everything we
needed to get through life survival mode we've been
literally like we just got ignored every sign our
body and mind were giving us we were like i'll be
with you when i can get to you i have to do this
thing right now and then we did this thing right
now for like 30 years and so it's just now
where it's like okay wait now i think i need to like
address you know because you don't have a
choice right because you're either you're physically
have to know and you spoke to this or mentally you
know it's something is forcing you to now have to
acknowledge yourself so much of it's about
honoring yourself too and giving time to yourself which i
don't think comes naturally to women in a certain
way except for mani vanity wise but moms moms like
immediately put themselves in the back like that
woman that we were not all moms so moms are great
at balancing i've always been admired women
like that but in general a lot of moms are like my
needs now are here because the children you just
naturally give to them first it's like an innate
it's an animalistic thing you just don't even
question it and then your spouse and then the home
and if you work outside the home your job
and your pets like and the plants people don't
realize if you have a lot of plants they require
a lot of attention that can be stressful i'm like
oh my god now i have to water the plants and
that's a whole other thing um but no if i could go back
i would have honored me as a woman much more
self-care wasn't even a thing but you can start
yeah yeah and i have and i have no i totally am
great i just want to get behind this 30 day thing
that i planted yes yes yes i think i will and
i think about talking about the joe dispense
the whole meditation thing because whenever i've
pictured meditation and i'm sure a lot of listeners
picture meditation is you're sitting in a room
and you're still and it's dark and you need to just
like you have to set up a whole thing just
to do a meditation but what i want to do is
do a meditation but what you're talking about
is you can meditate anywhere anytime you could
incorporate it and so when you're talking
about walking meditation is it more you're walking
and you've put your mental state into that
space so you're still amongst life yeah but you have
you can adjust your mental did you learn that at
his workshop i've been doing walking meditations
but not to this degree his walking meditations
are audios where he's actually he has you stand
eyes get the chakra centers all lit up so
they're connecting and it's heart and brain coherence
heart coherence is a very popular meditation
type and he has you get your heart and your brain
connected connecting with your chakras getting
yourself in the state he prepares you and then
now we're going to open your eyes and walk into
your future self the power you know and i mean
he's got so many great meditations so but yes so
now you're taking your state into being actively
involved in society where you're carrying that
same frequency with you so it takes practice yeah
i would assume so that's that's the key right
there is being able to carry the well you know
it does because we talked about it and you're
in the frequency of fear and i know a lot of moms
that are in that does create disease so stop it
yeah well how do you yeah that's how do you deal
with that it's a great motivator you spoke to
it early you imagine it what if it all works and
what if it's going to work out it has worked out
it did work out you older your kids they made it
through life you got through the baby stage no
one thinks they're going to make it through that
yeah that is terrifying yeah my kid's gonna wake
up they're gonna be on you know i'm gonna be laying
on them in the middle of the night who knows
every parent has had some fear oh yeah that their kids
are not going to survive childhood totally but
they're teenagers so you've proven them wrong so
why not keep doing it in a way that makes you
healthy why not keep showing up and the other part
to what you said about moms putting themselves
last what would happen if just putting yourself
first meant thinking about everything working
out perfectly what if that was the one thing that
people started doing yeah it's like a great
form of self-care it is self-care absolutely it is
conscious awareness of your frequency and
everybody's carrying a frequency with them and honestly
because i don't drink i can see people's
frequency especially on atlantic avenue here in uh
delray beach uh when i walk down the road i can
see someone's frequency yeah well that brings me
back to this question okay is what are the
differences you're seeing living on the east
coast versus the west coast you would you would
mention that you feel it's way more materialistic
here yeah well i mean san diego's flip-flops and
surfers right right military um and the culture
is different it's hispanic and asian culture and
there's a lot more latinos down in um miami and
what i love about that is one the i'm going
to explain the difference in what i've seen
is hispanic culture is ashamed of the fact that
they speak spanish latino culture is not a shame
oh no and they're driven yeah they're achievers
they're going after it and they're competitive
and then the russians that are here too are like
some of the most competitive people i've ever met
um and there's an energetic field around that of
how people process i think um for me i actually
love the latinos because the fire but they
also love family i really love the family vibes so
there's a lot um of people that i've met here and
middle eastern i mean god i met this woman who's
79 years old and she's in the best shape i
just learned how to do water pilates it was so fun
what's my point west coast east coast east
coast is um what school did you go to there's
there's it's another frequency of um competition
with materialism and i think the school you went to
matters but to me i've gone to more personal
development i've gone inside more than i've
gone outside and while they may have a degree or
they may have you know a billion dollars sadly i
know someone who was a billionaire and passed
away because they were so unhappy i think so i think
that the difference is that is that there's not a
lot of spiritual caretaking as much that i've seen
out here and it's not that i'm criticizing
religion i think the religion is great i know
so many different religious people mormons i
mean i grew up with it with belging and mlm
um and it would be nice to see people go inside
and take care of themselves more and i don't think
there's as much of that it's more granola on the
west coast for sure granola to me means you're a
hippie you're going inside you're doing the woo
woo stuff the alternative stuff it's not as much
stright you know i don't need to go to church
to meet god i need to go inside to meet my god to
connect with my spirit to connect with that
consciousness that makes me feel love because
i've had some people ask me with critical
thinking that are religious well what do you
pray about what are you meditating on at those
events it's love no one can fight that no one's
gonna argue with me like isn't that why we're
here isn't that what we feel together like i
love getting together with you and seeing you our
high school years bring us together in that feeling
of love and connection and gratitude yeah and
we remember each other from being young and we've
come together like and you guys with your
marriage of how many years 31 yep yeah when you
tap into that and you start with that and you
remember how much you love each other's spirits
that have hung into this three decade
relationship and have built those humans that are now running
around there doing stuff that's i just feel like
the west coast is a little softer a little more
feminine the east coast is a little more
masculine it's more competitive get things done um
yeah interesting no that makes sense it's an interesting way to sum it up
feminine versus masculine i never thought about it
that way i moved here what what are your thoughts
so in terms of the people you've met here i'll
say for myself i find east coast are slightly
more genuine than i find west coasters and
that's a big paradigm or a big difference i think i i
think you're spot on on the spirituality the
the the more formalized religion here versus
more of a internal spirituality out there i'm
curious what you think of the authenticity angle
that's a great point and i think you're right
i think that there is i've been invited to more
parties especially during the holidays everybody
wants to take care of little whitney she's all by
herself and i'm used in california just
feeding myself doing on my own and i'm good with that
but everybody wants to be in your business and
they want to mother you and they want to take
care of you and they're in your stuff so
there is definitely that's a great point there's a
difference between people wanting to be in
community that's the difference that i see
where they're more segregated communities they're
more protective of their tribe or they they don't
necessarily want to bring everybody in um on
the west coast yeah the west coast like i've heard
that from people that they don't feel as welcomed
on the west coast um and i've seen that in certain
communities that i'm part of i think the east
coast just has more of what you're saying it's
like they there's more of a genuine um maybe
they've had harder times i don't know you know i think
some of it is tradition and well spanish culture
is very inclusive uh itallians are very inclusive
irish are very inclusive big families big
families there's just a lot of tradition and so i think
it's more like like i know for our thanksgiving
it just keeps growing because our older kids have
friends who need places in them they know the
house you have an open invitation by the way if
you're around yeah you have an open invitation um
but i think there's an interesting i talked about
this in one of our episodes is that because i grew
up on the west coast he grew up on the east coast
um i found when i moved to the east coast it was
like a breath of fresh air because even if somebody
was abrupt with me i knew exactly where they
were coming from where on the west coast there were
people that seemed so so nice but behind the
scenes they were not that way i'm not saying that
doesn't exist here and i'm i know i'm
generalizing but the way i've summed it up is um from my
experience is the on the west coast in general
i feel that people can be nice but they're not
necessarily kind and on the east coast people
aren't necessarily nice but they're kind beautifully
said if that makes sense yeah of course like
they'll fix your tire but they may demean you
while they're doing it out right it's more
a humanity who who's got each other's back
on the west coast it's doggy dog a little bit and
so it's such a weird contrast with the spirituality
and the granola and the and i and i know what
you're talking about because again i grew up there
um but it's a weird balance right because i do think there is authenticity in that
but is it an inclusive authenticity or is it a
competitive authenticity you know do you remember
when we were in oregon and we moved to california
and everybody said oh the californians are moving
in or oregonians don't want people moving into
oregon yeah that i have never heard of that out
here and also the latinos that i met when i first
got here the guy who was driving my uber is trying
to bring his wife or his girlfriend or somebody
from another country here and they're proud of
it and they own it yeah because they're doing
it in a legal way i think it has some to do with
mexico where people have gotten in illegally
and they're ashamed and they don't want to speak
spanish because they're embarrassed or they
want to measure up to something i don't know i that
that was part of the vibration that i felt into
when i moved here is how proud latinos are and i
think by the year 2020 i think i heard 80 of
the population is going to speak spanish they're
breeders out here like crazy and the community
aspect of big families is a big part of it and
i think the california is maybe it's more split
up maybe people who move to california like it is
in miami a little bit they're coming to reinvent
themselves those people were running from something
like uh what is it la hollywood and that's the
same with miami i heard i don't know i have no
idea what they but you're right we're onto
something here we need to keep dissecting it and get 30
run it yeah because i think that um like
like sometimes i know it's in the dead community
it can be like who's the most dead head of them
all grateful dad right yeah but it's like who's
the most hippie hippie of them all or in that
sense it's almost becomes how a competitiveness
of how woke can you be do you know what i'm
trying to say and then you go down a rabbit hole where
they start judging each other on well you're not
doing enough wokeness and you're and this is coming
from uh growing up in portland vibe not now i'm
not talking about political at all um so i i don't
know i just again it can become heavy with i
need to follow these these things in order to be to
come across that i am spiritual i am granola or
whatever whereas when i moved to the east coast
it was just like i felt liberated yeah i felt
like i could just be whoever i am and either people
took me or didn't but i didn't care it just
everyone was just kind of i don't know it was
more straightforward part of it is moving away
from somewhere into a new environment yeah yeah
but i also agree with you like because my dad was
a born-again christian and i know and i built an
mmm so i know every religion out there and they
all want to enroll you and they're all right the
truth right is their truth right right right it's
not the truth that you can't speak in aa they teach
you don't ever talk as a third party always
say i yeah don't say we they you can't speak for
in aa i mean we've been broken like fuck you've
seen the bottom of the bottom yeah so you know
you can't speak for somebody else yeah and
the challenge is is that while people judge the
born-again christians for being so extreme then
i see the same thing happen with that community
yeah you go granolas right yeah extremes never
nothing good comes from extremes i think it's
about ego so one of the things when i first did
my first medicine journey he said it's the death of
the ego and that's my experience with death it's
love when your brain stops working when we're out
and i know it's harder for people with kids but
death is beautiful like it's spirit connection
god everything you've ever happiness joy like
joy and love and gratitude like so overwhelming
that's what i experienced right my ego died
that and i do believe that you know what are we all
connected by what's the one thing that every
single person that is connected to this planet has to do
in order to stay here and when we stop doing
it we're no longer just breathe yeah i got some
meditation yeah yeah no it really it makes sense
and i think humility i wish i would have learned
humility at a much younger age and let go of
more ego and i don't know if that's just through
maturity but um i don't know if that's a gen x
thing i don't know but i think humility goes hand
in hand with that you were a little stuck up
when we weren't i'm just kidding what do you mean by
that how many understand humility i would i did
not consider myself stuck up because i was so yeah
yeah yeah cut open because of my my childhood but
i'm curious what you think in it and i did admire
and look up to the popular kids that were popular
in a way that i didn't understand because i didn't
come from a family where a mom actually took
care of me and cared if i what was the thing i don't
remember what we talked about but tell me what
humility humility like i feel um is is when you
approach anybody it could be in your daily life
the grocery store your job or just coming at it
where you're not automatically in competition
with whoever you're talking to or trying to compare
that's competition but um i've got a great book
for you you're coming you're coming and everything
with an openness and it's not about you you're
just present and if somebody's talking to you
you're truly listening to what they're saying and
not thinking about what you're going to say next
and compare it to what they're saying you're
really just present and absorbing what they're
saying and it's okay you don't have to
counter it sometimes you do to relate with someone's
be like i understand what you're saying because
but not it's not just back and forth like you're
playing tennis okay well here's my experience
oh that's yours here's my experience so it's just
that you're not judging people is what well
you're not judging people but you're also not trying to
one up with anyone or clout chase or it's just
that's their experience it doesn't really have
anything to do with your experience you can
listen to someone i have not to interject yourself you
know i have a practice you could do for seven
days with each other do you want to try it so
let me let me get let's frame it yeah what you
were saying what i heard is being present for
another person and actually listening to them
and the way that i have been taught by an fbi
hostage negotiator is that you repeat the last three words of what someone says
and how i look at this is it's um getting gotten
and what you're basically doing is getting that
person and i've gone on lots of days after you
know i've got all these tools i've been practicing
communication skills for so long and the key is
making it about them and holding space for their
life yes so you guys are doing that like uh like
an active listening exercise because that's kind
of like that repeating back what i just heard
right the confirmation the essence of what that
person just said before you move on to whatever
it is that you want to talk about for seven days
with your son don't add what you want to say i
know it's hard because he's 15 right i get it i
get it and try it with whoever you can maybe at
work whatever you want to try with each other for
sure yeah but what i have practiced doing is i
don't need it to i'm full every morning i meditate
i fill up with mother earth i meditate i'm
present yeah so i don't need to talk at all about myself
so i've gone on dates where all i did was repeat
back with i heard that person say and by the end
of it they'd be like i feel like i didn't get to
know anything about you i'm like yeah that's right
yeah i don't need you to know me i want to
support the evolution of the humanity of the
person that's in front of me and hold space for
them if they've got things to share and it's so
much easier if you have conversations where
you're really just being present for that person
but i think what i heard you also say about
humility is um the competition and i wanted to
say there's a book so good and it's in my
book that i wrote and the chapter is bright light
and i had a meltdown with another woman and my
mentor said to me i want you to read this book
by alphi khan it's called the case against
competition it changed it was another turning
point and he teaches you he's a psychologist and
he goes back alphi khan's a great author by the
way but it's like a really interesting
manuscript about how we are created in society to compete
with one another and it builds insecurity and it
also is uh competition is insecurity 100 that's
what it is yeah so when you start being present
when you're full because you don't need someone
to hear you you don't need me to be um i don't
know validation that external or admiring or yeah
when you love yourself and you know yourself
and you're confident in your own body yeah you can
be as nice to the grocery store clerk as you are
to the president of the united states they're both
just fucking people and and it really when
you start to um function through life like that
uh you realize that you're changing the frequency
of that person's day like for that moment you you
kind of shift helped everything shift for them
too because you're giving them that space you're
giving them that positivity you're giving
them that time it could be something as simple as
that interaction with the cashier at the
grocery store but for that moment you you you shifted
something right there doesn't mean the person
behind you isn't an asshole and is going to shift
right shift it right back for them to where they
were but you're at least at least you're you're
coming from a place of giving and and it's it's a
much smoother and enjoyable way of going through
your day it really is i was just gonna say i've
found when you do that though so many people don't
know how to deal with it they don't know how to
absorb it if whether it's like i was telling you
when we're up in dc and i was saying hi to the
the cleaning crew they were looking at me like
i was an alien and i was just trying to be nice
but they didn't know how to take it because they're
not in that environment up there whereas down
here it's way more receptive it was wild yeah well i
would ask you questions about that because uh yo
hablo muy puedo que to las panao but yo necesito a
uh i want to learn spanish when i practice
spanish with people who speak spanish it doesn't
matter what where how when i try when i it's
about language in many cases sometimes it can
be frequency of energy sometimes it's what you
say and then you realize that when you just do
a little yo hablo muy puedo que to las panao you
think you think that goes a long way then it's just
speaking there like it has to as i say it out
loud um i don't know if they didn't make that
assumption that's why i stuck with english to be
honest with you down here they're spanish they a
lot of them are spanish i made the mistake once
of i had a driver taking me somewhere and i assumed
he was indian and he was pakistani i totally
offended the guy so ever since then do you know
how to speak indian versus pakistani no but they
hate each other so if you call an indian person
pakistani or pakistani but i can only be
responsible for my intention so if my intentions are good and
i'm actually speaking spanish to try to connect
it's like a half a percent of people who would
ever in my experience get offended it
literally brings me closer together i get people giving
me stuff like i have friends that go to the same
place that they've gone to for 20 years and i just
started there because i just moved here yeah i am
very fortunate to be genuine and present in my body
and people can feel it when you're not doing
something to get something but you're literally
just being present to give and you're giving
and if you pay attention to in your body where
that comes up for you and the other thing because
you look off sometimes so what i would do with you
is i would love to put you guys in an eye gazing
ceremony together where you look into each other's
eyes because the other thing of eye contact when
you hold eye contact with someone and you breathe
with them that is one of the deepest connections
someone can make because you see the eyes are the
seat of the soul yeah soul but i think that men a
lot of men have that's a very intimate space yes
what you're talking about it is and i think so
much for i'm generalizing i know there's gonna be
for listeners i know i'm generalizing but i think
for a lot of men i like to make people uncomfortable
i think their idea of intimacy is the actual act
and they're they they miss all the other levels
of intimacy they can make that act a
gazillion times better yes but they want to they skip
because i think growing up they weren't even
taught about any correct so they don't even know
right and so when i teach people that at a bar
and they want to know what tantra is i'm like let's
just do eye gazing yeah let's just sit where do
you feel it in your body let's just breathe together
and hold eye contact yeah how does that feel
men and women both are very uncomfortable with it
but here's what i've always thought you can't
meet someone where you've never met yourself
and so for me to have someone who's going to
meet me they better have met themselves otherwise we
just can't play i mean i no judgment god bless
you go do what you need to do but you got in order
for somebody to really know themselves you know
i don't care if you get a mirror out and you sit
in the mirror and you breathe and you get naked
and you just love into the person that you are
fortunate to come here to be yeah like there's
like an essence of that and i'm not criticizing
you didn't do anything wrong i'm just saying
that when and i don't know that scenario i could
imagine there's probably a thousand things
that were going on we have no idea but generally
speaking that's usually my intention is to
connect authentically and cultivate trust
and the way i do that differs depending on the
environment i'm in but if i speak spanish to you
and you're not spanish yeah because what
my intention was is to connect authentically
cultivate trust and i've made that mistake
a couple times and some people are offended
and some people aren't but either way they're not
my people if they're yeah if they don't know where
my heart is and you can't feel it that's okay
and you know where you're coming from so you're
comfortable with either reaction because their
reaction isn't going to affect you as much you
knew you were coming from a good place your
intention is positive communication is the
response that i get so it's a learning so if i
get a response that's not positive then i go back to
what you just did which is okay so what was i
not seeing in that moment that i missed because you
know that happens to me just yeah for me i didn't
take it personally i was it was more that it was
like how could i i would rather have connected
and it didn't happen and it was just it was genuine
how's your day how are you hi we're in the same elevator together
well so you mentioned dating before i have
a question about that but you were in this
relationship for 18 years uh and you guys didn't
get married correct yeah i don't believe in getting
the government involved in my relationship
unless there's a lot of money okay so that was my that
was my question was anybody wants to apply with
it okay did he want to get married and you didn't
or both of you were on the same page no we didn't
we both had an agreement he did get married during
covid he's going through a divorce right now
okay but when you were together you were both on
the same page with that yes no kids no marriage
and have you always not wanted to have kids yes
when i was very young my mom said never have kids
and never get married she screamed it at me okay
i think we wrecked the third car i don't remember
okay so that stayed with you with me and i just i
mean i need to re-raise myself i had no business
bringing someone else into the story right then
yes i just didn't and i just didn't want the
responsibility i mean even an animal yeah a lot
i mean god bless you i got enough doing all right
here i got i got a full-time job yeah so child free
by choice and there's a lot of women
currently that are making those choices in the younger
generation i think for a lot of gen x women it
wasn't as common because we were raised to get
married and have children right you did what
your parents did and told you to do it's all about
programming yeah exactly did you find as a gen
x woman being child free by choice um was that
uncomfortable at times by people's reactions to
the fact that you weren't married you didn't have
children no okay but i i don't take personal
other people's behavior usually when i was younger and
every we went to 29 weddings there was one wedding
that i was like maybe i want to get married i don't
know because you see it happening it's just like
anything pavla's dog it's happening over and over
again do you want to do it yeah and it was
still a no it's i do want to get married now
it's oddly enough i know exactly where i'm going
to get married um i've visioned it i do envision
it like i imagine and i'm so excited um but uh
then no i didn't i and i and i've been really
satisfied with the choices that i've made i'm
really grateful that i made the choices that i
made why now though what's changed um well i went
to this place in taloon that's so beautiful and it
just felt so good to be there and i could just
see myself with shoes off white dress all my friends
around and you know having that commitment and
that honoring of our relationship and i'm fucking old
so i mean i only got one last relationship in me
that's going to be long term so now i'm open to
and um it doesn't have to be legal like it could
just be a ceremony we were talking about doing a
ceremony before i ended my relationship i was
going to have jess and timberlake come and play
or beyonce i had all these delusions of grandeur
um can i ask um or may i ask why you chose to end
the relationship because that's a long relationship
it's a big story so how i'm going to frame it is i
outgrew that relationship we were in therapy and
i do recommend every person out there who's in a
relationship with someone who isn't you to have
a coach or a therapist or somebody who helps you
translate that relationship because it's so
valuable to have we always had a coach helped us
create our relationship so over a telephone we
decided to come into monogamy and i remember the
coach arguing with us and he's like you can't
build a relationship on fun great sex adventure
and as long as we're learning and growing
together we'll stay together i found that i
continued to grow we got 40 acres in tahoe he fell
in love with the land i went to tony robbins i kept
doing all of these things and i continued to move
forward and he loved taking care of that land he's
still taking care of that land it's almost caught
on fire the snow fell through the roof but that's
what he chose we had a baby that was yeah 40
acres and it's every guy's wet dream every man
that we brought on that property it's off the
grid it was great it was like family robbins in
the first year we got a foot of snow the second
year we got 20 feet of snow in a matter of hours
and i was like look i have been saving and i can
talk about money all day long i studied so many
books on money i would recommend reading the
richest man in babylon if somebody hasn't read
the millionaire next door stop acting rich
there's so many juicy books out there die with zero for
the parents who think they need to save so much
money instead of actually giving it to the kids
and enjoying it in the moment but back to the
the ending of the relationship so now we've got 40
acres 20 feet of snow i have been working my ass
off for 20 years almost traveling two weeks out
of every month he's a surfer doing living his life
essentially because i didn't really know who i was
i loved every minute of it we had a great
relationship we did personal work together
spiritual work medicine work and um there was
a moment that i remember having a conversation
with him where his habits changed and it wasn't a
values change it was just the behavior had shifted
in a way that no longer matched what i was
actively pursuing and then i don't know i can't
i can't tell this part so there was another
act that happened when i went back to san diego
and someone um turned on my kundalini when my
kundalini got switched on what's that the kundalini
is um it's like a snake that lives inside you
it's a spiritual energetic field and it got flipped
on from an energetic healer and when it turned
on everything looked different to me the things
that originally looked like love now look
like control and i just started seeing everything
differently but i don't think it was one thing
that happened i always tell people you're either
growing together or you're growing apart and i
think we grow apart he fell in love with the land
he wanted to keep tooling the land um you know
we'd eat dinner at home we'd have breakfast at home
i love going out you know i'll take myself out to
dinner when so weak i love having fun i want to be
you know and this was like family robinson great it was the shining at the end
and so eventually it was just like no longer my
bag you know yeah that makes sense and so how hard
was it to disengage your life from him and
from everything there's a book called conscious
uncoupling yes by kathy woodard and um who made
it popular um gwyneth paltrow and chris yeah what's
his name rm rm no chris um martin yes from uh
coldplay thank you yeah it's been very famous lately
yes and they made that book famous so basically
what happened was it was like a big switch inside
of me turned off and i prayed and i cried and i
wanted it back so bad it was like where did the
love go it was like i wasn't in love anymore
yeah and it um it was heartbreaking it was really
difficult for me but i'm not a person who stays
and what i learned is if i had a kid i think this
happens to a lot of people they know it's over
and they have to stay because they don't want to
lose the kid you don't want to share and we're
not cutting it in half i want to not be with it
right and then they stay and instead of speaking
it out and communicating it in a loving way because
i said love we're gonna stay on the frequency of
love this whole time it got rocky did i do it the
entire time no but i my intention was to bring
it back up to love the frequency would go here we
bring it back to love and because the love that
we had that we shared for so long the the basis of
who we are is love so i just continually brought
it back to that and so we consciously uncoupled
and brought our community in and asked for support we did a video to talk about the
fact that we were uncoupling and shared it with
our business partners and um and that was one of
the most difficult things that i've ever done in
my life is to walk away from somebody who helped
me get sober who's a one of my best friends who
i adored and shared such an incredible 18 years
with we had so much fun i became who i am
because of him he's my mentor in business and play and
everything like i'm so fortunate to have had
that chapter and everything in me said is this over
even though i i really tried but it just was
done how old are you when you i think about 46
so i'm 54 now it's been about eight years eight
years and so um when you left tahoe where did you
go when that was done where did you what was
your next phase of life then where did you end up i
bounced around a little bit so i've been
traveling and being a nomad for many many years trying to
identify where whitney wants to land next but
the first stop i made was burning man was that your
first time there yes that's my only time to go i
you guys like basically what i realized is when
that relationship ended he's secure attached my
favorite book is the attached one of my favorite
books attached if you've never read that it's
such a great book teaches you about attachment styles
he's secure attached i'm anxious attached because
my childhood he's normal i came from a pretty crazy
childhood so being in that relationship i was uh
anxious attached anxious secure so when we ended
i had no idea what was going to happen and what
has happened up until now this is the first time
like in this last year where i've been
really settled i'm so happy to be single because i
am in love with all parts of me all parts of my
life everything i've created and built and i'm
untangling from the need to hustle you talked
about it i'm in my 50s i hustled for so long
i love being in florida the water's warm but
i traveled for quite a while and then you know
shortly after i was 46 when i turned 50 um
just before i think i was 49 i was at a ceremony
and i drank too much water and i had a seizure
and i went into a coma oh my goodness yeah you
can over drink water i didn't know that yeah
you can you totally mess up your electrolytes yeah
all the electrolytes had a seizure went into
a coma for two days fortunately i did all that
medicine work where you leave your body and you
come back in so it was bliss i mean i don't know
that i wanted to come back but i'm supposed to
be back to do more work where were you when that
happened i was in san diego okay so um do you
remember being in the coma anything from being in
the coma i remember coming back and i remember
locking eyes with my shaman who looked like this
and i was just like so blissed out didn't
understand because what i experienced again was
just love there's so much love when your
unconsciousness goes and people are so afraid
for people who die that go to heaven help
you just become energy the energy you are now
it's the energy that you meld into i believe
that's why i'm doing so much work and i'm doing
it for the whole consciousness i think as well
as myself but the more you love the more you're
intentional the more you're present the more
you work on yourself the more you love yourself
that's all we're responsible for and that's all
you're taking with you you you you love yourself
so much that you set a great example for your
kids and that's where they'll go too then they
have to work on themselves it's their job but
after the um after that ceremony and the seizure
in the coma i had to get my heart surgery pretty
quick okay so that's when you told me that i needed
to do that and um i did that at cedar sina i
interviewed six doctors and um i believe that
the work that i did in my career was preparing
me for that event i found out i had um aortic
bicuspid stenosis when i turned 40 i had done dmt
every month for a year if you don't know what dmt
is god molecule joe rogan it makes your heart
race and it takes you to a different planet but
what it did for me is it created a connection with
god like nothing i've ever experienced and it also
eliminated my fear of death completely i have
zero zero fear i don't want to go yet now i'm
happier than i've ever been oh my god i had no
idea that i could get to this point if you met
me 20 years ago you would not recognize i don't
recognize myself i have videos and things that i
would do and i could see my face and where i'm
holding all this energy and pain and it's released
i've done enough presence work where it's gone
when i did that ceremony every month for a year
i started having shortness of breath and then i
went to the doctor and they said oh yeah you have
aortic bicuspid stenosis and you're gonna have
to have surgery on your heart open heart surgery
and i was like oh crap but it wasn't that soon
i just couldn't do that medicine anymore so i
stopped doing dmt what is what is the impact of
dmt on your your heart rate um they put a heart
monitor on me i did it once since i've had
heart surgery and my heart hit 190 beats wow that's
over our hundred percent mark people with heart
issues i do not recommend dmt because your heart
can also go erratic but it has been such a home
for me because that was the first medicine i ever
did that i i wanted to experience it one more
time and he kept my eyes open and he made me look in
the mirror the whole time it was an incredibly
healing beautiful experience can you microdose
it so it doesn't i've done that yeah so you
don't leave it's amazing but for me my heart still
it's not a good idea for people like if i honor
this life that i get to have and i don't want to
leave because when you go it's the death of the
ego you're experiencing death so unless you're
really up for that like i know so many people who
experience so many wild things on the planet like
jumping out of an airplane and going skiing well
this is my jumping out of an airplane i just ski
inside yeah yeah i have a question when you
say the death of the ego and you'd mentioned the
ceremony before i what was what was it the
the route that i i i began that was years later
what do you what are you considering the death
of the ego i'm thinking in terms of like froydian
ego and and that is what what's your concept
you're not thinking while you're in medicine
the medicine guides you into your body it's
into the spirit world there are i believe multiple
realms happening with us right now but
there's only one that we're present who's the third
dimension this is that what we're having in the
conversation this is all we can see when you shut
this down you can see other parts of um elements
that are happening uh what is it called so it's
it's less of a hallucination more of a freeing of
that conscious ego i guess in a sense and it's just
whatever's whatever enters i guess i think it's
up to you i think everybody's different so whatever
your experiences is for you with my and i and i
don't like to tell people like too many details
and i think it's a wise choice not to yeah because
your experience could be completely different than
mine but all by the way i'm not a doctor i'm not
recommending anyone do right this medicine journey
i do not want to be liable because there's mental
illnesses out there and people can literally lose
their mind and you feel like you have lost your
mind there were moments where i wasn't sure if i
was coming back i didn't know if i'd make it back
because you get so like out of it and then that's
where i realized how we're all connected because
what he would say is breathe hold it because you
take the medicine hold it hold it hold it and
then i'd go and then you go and then your body
starts to breathe again because the body knows
what to do our bodies are so so vital in actually
trying to share with us what's going on but many
people are so brain programmed so what i would say
is that if you could do medicine that would
allow you to release that but the first medicine i
start would start with would be meditation i
did write a little book about this i interviewed
um what's his name who wrote the um oh i don't
remember his name maybe it'll come back to me
but i would start slow like maybe smoky marijuana
if that's not for you a little mdma mushrooms do
things that are a little slower dmt literally
shoot you into another planet yeah you leave your body
yeah and this guy kept me awake the last time i
did it but anyways and it also is very taxing on
your body so as you get older i had no idea but
and the book uh guy was zero he literally says look
you're everybody's saving so much money where when
you get old you don't want to travel when you get
old you're old you don't want to leave the house
like you're not going anywhere like you did take
that vacation now spend that money take the
risk yeah so with the heart surgery was it um
genetic and i think you had mentioned it was
genetic in addition to the abuse the drug abuse
right yeah yeah yeah so i mean they didn't talk
about that with me we didn't have that conversation
i didn't educate them on that because what the
doctors do when you interview them to become your
new heart surgeon who's going to do the surgeon
they're just surgeons basically they all told me
but the surgeon i chose which valve i was
going to get all of them one of them like i trained
doctors for a living for 20 years i've been
teaching doctors how to transition their business
from traditional health into alternative medicine
helping people lose weight and now i'm going in so
i made this the biggest project of my life just to
frame it the intention that i put on this was not
from fear the intention i said was life happens
we've got these things that are god is dishing us
or whatever you believe you're getting handed
this opportunity i got handed the opportunity of
you're gonna have heart surgery at 40 they told
me you're gonna have heart surgery one day you're
gonna have to have open heart surgery what do you
want to do how are you gonna play this card yeah so
when i figured out that i had to get it pretty
quick i decided to put together a group of people
i think i organized 60 people i set an
intention to put together my crew fortunately i found
heart valve surgery calm it's a it's a book and
it's an uh a website about the book i went through
it i interviewed six physicians the last one i
think it was the last one no second to the last one
he uh looked at me and um he got up and walked
out on me and what i said to him because i knew i
wasn't gonna go with him there was a rip on the
thing his plate i wasn't gonna i'm about to give
a man at five hundred thousand dollars that's how
much heart surgery costs by the way you don't know
it because your insurance pays for it i had
incredible insurance and i knew i was interviewing
them because i had the confidence to and um i
said can i ask you a question and he leans in and he
goes yeah and i said why do you think men think
they can tell women what to do with their bodies
he got so mad he's like whoops are you are you
crazy are you gonna make it about this he got up
and walked out on me so i got up and left i knew
i was done with him then the next one i wanted to
get on my weight loss program he was unhealthy he
had broken blood vessels so i knew he drank so i
was like look i needed a i really like your
demeanor you seem like you can handle me if you
can handle me you can handle my heart and i put
him to the test and got in my weight loss program
i asked him if he quit drinking well one of my
guides said you don't want someone to quit drinking
that's been a drinker true true true so then i
knew that he wasn't the one and i was like okay
let me pray on this and ask for the guidance
yeah one of my besties came and stayed with me she
said oh let's call my auntie she had open heart
surgery and she got minimally invasive surgery
here's my i don't know if you can see it on
camera but here's here's my scar you barely see it so i
got your hair might be covering minimally invasive
surgery is basically incredible so what the other
thing i want to tell you see it now right wow i
asked every single surgeon that well i only chose
one i asked the one surgeon that i actually said
yes to i need five of your patient's phone numbers
so i can call them and talk to them and i met
them on zoom i was in tears hysterical they cut you
from here to here when you do that surgery that
was a no yeah so remember anybody out there who's
going to get anything done ask to talk to at least
five people i don't care what it is money managing
heart surgery plastic surgery gallbladder i
don't know just asked for five contacts because then
you'll see the kind of work they did and when i
did i said hey i'm gonna have a plastic surgeon
in the room and he goes no you're not i'll show
you up and i was like why this is the guy who i
wanted to quit drinking and getting him to lose
weight and then i met my friend's auntie and i
went back to him and i said hey i want minimally
invasive surgery and he goes oh i'm not doing that
for you i i can't know whitney that no and i just
got his no and then i slept on it and i was like
is he telling me no because he can't do it
because he's at the end of his career he's old he's in
his 60s or because he doesn't it's not safe and
so i got the heart valve surgery dot com book i
just prayed and said okay i'm going to interview
one more and i found my doctor who was the first
one who said um what kind of valve do you want
and i got the bovine so i have a little um cow heart
yeah but i put together this was the biggest
project of my life and i thought well why not
make this health thing my biggest project so i
put together the group the prayer group because i
believe that the people that can focus on faith
and not fear those are the people i invited by
the way yeah those are the people i knew
would stay in that vibration of trusting that
whitney's got the best doctor cedar cyanide
i um what's the doctor's name was it danny
oh i want to know what it is okay i god you'd
think i'd remember he held my heart he was a cedar
cyanide he moved to texas he got recruited right
after my heart surgery it was the most incredible
and at the end of the surgery when i was pulling
out the cord like they put this whole thing for
drains in there the nurse was in awe she's
like you're the first patient that i've ever
pulled this out of it didn't hysterically cry
all i did was breath like you would if you were
pregnant how do you breathe through pregnancy
yeah it's breath and yeah taking people back
there every time i have a conversation i try
to get people to remember yeah meditation is
medication and that's where you can find source
in a way that most people don't realize that it's
the new this is all new technology but it's
not new it's just we're becoming aware of it like
chachi ppt i've heard is it always existed but
we needed to become conscious enough to align with
it and to me right so this group that you put
together what did you do with this group so i
chose a few of my friends to help to set the um
set the intentions that were spiritual guides that
are very powerful women and we put together
a ceremony i did um one ceremony before the
surgery where we had a little sound bowl and i did
my sound bowl i have a sound and then my girlfriend
did a prayer and we did um setting the setting
up the um environment basically it's um calling in
the ancestors uh the four directions i don't know
if you're familiar with that so i like different
spiritual modalities so i use the women in
my life that are very spiritual that i knew
would help me set this up so it would be a
successful surgery because i believe you can
do all kinds of fun cool stuff and be creative to
set a container like you do here so that you get
the best outcome and that's what i did i set the
container we got together i let everybody go around
and share their prayer for me and i created this
space it was super powerful super beautiful i took
videos i still have the videos that i kept to
take myself through the memory of that and it still
to this day is something that i'm more proud of
than any other part of my life i got the surgery
during covid wow and would you say doing all
of that definitely aided in your in your in the
actual surgery and also your recovery time that
it just went with you through the whole process
you know i can't answer that question because do
i know for sure that it did what i what i'm clear
on is when you have a project whether it's a kid
or anything else when you set the best intention
and you stay focused on what you want to create
and the love that you know you can build within
that environment and calling in all the helpers
the best possible out what is supposed to happen
am i supposed to be here i only know because
i'm here right right so you had this surgery you
obviously had a good recovery i'm assuming
right did that all go well it's very painful and the
worst part of it was the um what's it called
when you can't go poo constipation i've never
been constipated before that was like the worst
thing i've ever experienced and it was from the
tramadol they put me on i was gonna say that
was from meds yeah awful yeah the rest of it was
breathing and loving myself and doing my
meditation and staying focused on what i'm grateful for i
got to recover malibu one of my besties i'm
going to greece with she took care of me and a doctor
friend who was part of my team she came and took
care of me the second part so and i actually had a
breakdown with her after as i was recovering
which was unfortunate talk about competitiveness
or comparison so it was unfortunate but um you
know i feel like some people are in your life
for a reason a season or a lifetime a big
believer in that yeah i don't have to be upset or angry
and bless her and i i wish her well and i'm
grateful that i had the opportunity and that
she was kind enough to help take care of me so
then from southern california is that when you
bounced over here to florida or did you go i've
been traveling for years okay so then you trust
so you had your surgery in 2020 you recovered in
southern california and then did you continue to
travel yeah uh one of my besties i'm so grateful
for her she has helped me so much she's been such
an angel um she told me she was pregnant we
reconnected and she's like you know um uh i
told her i'd just gotten the the lease at where
i was living they raised the rent they sold the
property for eight million dollars and um and i
was like i i need to move and she was well our
house in park city is vacant do you want to go
stay in the house and i said could i stay there
for four months she said sure and then i contacted
my nest bestie which was in hawaii and i said could
i stay there for six months sure so i just
moved from park city the day that i left at snode
that and the horses and the beauty and the
nature there and her home was so beautiful i felt so
fortunate blessed then i went to hawaii and i
lived in hawaii for six months and hawaii spit me out
it's it rained for six weeks and then i went to
costa rica porta rico i just traveled to see where
i wanted to live and i ended up here and i got
sick here which i mean like i believe everything
happens for a reason and my girlfriend said don't
go to spain if you're sick because you don't speak
language you don't want to be sick in spain so i
was supposed to go to spain for the summer so i
stayed and swam every day in the ocean here
which you can't do in socal nice no no it's beautiful
it's amazing and spiritually i was like this is
home why did you choose florida well one of my
besties with the six-year-olds i'm in love with
her little girl and actually in my book i opened
the book with how many people had a parent who
actually sat with them in their emotions i've
gotten to witness this girl my my
girlfriend raised her little girl with that kind of
communication how are you feeling it in your
body and i mean granted there's moments you know
everybody has their moments and you know you you
have to step up sometimes but she's done such a
beautiful job and they live in porta rico so i
moved to porta rico for four months i tried that on
it's not a place for a single white woman who
doesn't speak spanish if i spoke spanish i could
maybe pull it off but i just don't think that
was the spot for me not you know yeah i hope that
comes out the way i meant it but um then um what
happened in porta rico i can't remember why that
one didn't work but oh yeah it's hard to get food
everything's hard there you so it's a harder life
it's more work than it is to do it here so this
was just the match yeah you just so then when you
first got to florida did you i lived in costa rica
too by the way okay yeah and that spit me out too
they stole all my stuff oh man so i just go places
and but it was a gift like so so yes it was rough
i'm not saying it wasn't but i i found a video
of myself the day that they stole all my stuff
i was still very spiritually alert like what's the
purpose here why what happened i didn't get raped
yeah they didn't beat me up they stole myself
while i was sleeping fortunately i smoked pot
that night so i was passed out it was a super
bowl with the neighbors and they crawled through
my window pulled them the cell phone was
sitting right there but i was an injured and when you
think about your life and you focus on those
things that went wrong it's this lesson that
my former partner taught me in business he took
a white piece of paper out and he wrote a black
dot on it he used to hold it up and he did this
with me one time when i was like i wanted to give
up with that business we built a thousand times
and i walk in and i'm like oh shit the shipping's
not working so he writes this black dot he holds
up the piece of paper and he goes what do you see
and i said a black dot and then he goes but what about all the white space
what about all the all everything else that's
going on around you like it's just money it's
just material stuff and i've really come to
become aware of that that it's not about the
other things so when they sold myself i was
just so fortunate that i realized that this
place just doesn't want me to live here and a
woman said what if this is initiation and i said
if this is how this place initiates i'm not
interested and i've had a man say that to me
before he goes but i love you and i'm like but
this isn't how i'm going to be loved well that
brings me to my next question so when your relationship ended how soon did you wait
until you entered the dating world and how
has the dating world been for you at this age of
your life yeah um well i had a kundalini awakening and i needed to um explore that
so the person who helped me awaken my
kundalini after we ended i entered into a very crazy
experience that i wish i had done but was
necessary because i probably would have never left
as i know a lot of people probably understand
when you're in a relationship that's not painful
or hard it's just over you know it's scary to
leave so fortunately i had a magnet that pulled
me out of that relationship that got me to
want to see what else experiences i could have
and then after that it's just been um you know
it was the first he was the first person i ever
was intimate with sober wow so i had a lot of
exploring to do i've been sober for 25 years
and i still care about him to this day very
much and we're still great friends so i want to be
conscious of honoring that relationship and not
um you know i don't know what this conversation
will do for people who know us so i just also i'm
very aware of that but i just have been exploring
and the funny thing is i've said the whole
time i want to have a relationship but i just did
the 30-day tantric hold for the first time
eight years and i had a six-month relationship
but i said i wanted to have a long term but i
never demonstrated that to the universe right
so the first time i did that i had a the relationship that helped me start my book
wow and it wasn't the relationship that i'd
choose for me to be in long term but it was the
one that i needed to be in for me to open up
but yeah i mean i just did i had some fun i mean
so are there still good men out there to date
would you say because there's such mixed messages
if you go on social media or if you talk to
people and especially for women our age i mean
is there still uh positive um options here's how
i'll i'll frame it because i've heard all those
stories too i think now as i am growing more and
more into loving and being present in myself and
really having that visual of the best scenario i
could possibly imagine for myself i am attracting
different types of people you attract the lessons
that you need you i attracted the same person so
what was ironic too was i studied my cards of
destiny which is the deck of playing cards but
it's a tarot the tarot allegedly was the original
deck of playing cards and when i studied that when
i fell in love with it is when it said the
person before you and after you came here to do karma
with my mother was after me which is the jack of
clubs my partner my former partner was the nina
clubs and this last person that i was with is
also the nina clubs so i repeated that relationship
because i hadn't quite got in the complete
lesson and limerence i don't know if anybody's had
limerence i projected onto many relationships
and one of my councils said to me but when he
went all the men you dated married and i was like
oh yeah so the first one when i was in san diego
i knew for 20 years he came to me and said hey
i'm getting a divorce and i got i got swept up in
that story and and rather than saying to myself
as i know what happens because i've gone through it
if somebody's entangled in a connection they
have to untangle from that connection and it takes
work time space now men will go from one
to the next a little more easily than women
but what do i want and i wasn't asking that
question so i would bounce from one to the next
and the last two that were here one lived at
home with the ex and three kids so if you're looking
for a sign really great though i was so grateful
that was a great connection good person great guy
i mean the answer is yes there's lots of great
people lots of great options i was deceived a few
times about whether or not they were married so you
know i i didn't know how to navigate that i do now
um people finders is great by the way people
finders i would tell you if someone's married
people finders is something you want to do with everyone that you get connected to
or ask somebody to do an fbi background
check because that's new necessary tactics in our
digital world just for those women out there
or men out there who are dating and want to know
yeah what's the background of this person
i'll tell you their financial stuff it gives you
everything that you need to know wow yeah and
that's why i don't give my phone number out to
people because if they have your phone number
they can look you up actually with your first
note last name they can too but um it's
shocking wow that's amazing so okay so that's positive
though i mean there there is still something
out there but a lot of it depends on where you're
coming from well whatever you need to learn is
what you're going to attract and when you're ready
for that big relationship i haven't been ready
for it i thought it was i wanted it and i had a
psychic i love psychics and mediums by the way
if anybody needs a great psychic message because
i've got a list and she told me years ago when i
before i was 50 she said um your big relationship
is going to come later in life and she said i
don't want to scare you you're going to have people
between now and then but you're going to find
your total shocker match when you find yourself
because we can't meet other people where we
haven't met ourselves and what kind of relationship did
i really want to have in the state i was in do
i want to attract someone when i'm bitter angry
unhappy physically not where i want to be you're
going to attract who you are that's just reality
so you want to get to be the best version of
yourself that you can possibly be and attract
from there yeah you got to say that slower you
you're not going to meet people where you've not
met yourself yeah i'm trying to process that
i get it intellectually but i'm trying to now
draw an example to it so i've met myself
in all kinds of medicine sobriety meditation
in the most deepest areas of myself and i'm
happy to come on a podcast and talk about some of the
most intimate parts of my life now some people
that would be really uncomfortable some people
would resist it some people would downright not
like it she's pointing at me because she's i haven't
done my story on a on our episode like we like
our our podcasts our stories and i did mine first
because if i'm going to ask people to come and
share their story i better share a shit better
share mine first brian and i'm comfortable with
that because i wish i would have listened to that
before this that might be one thing to send to
people so that they can get a frame and a context
for how to share because i would i will go back
would you send that to me yeah yeah i'll remind
you for sure yeah yeah yeah but what you're
saying is that you've invited him to come on and share
and he's not ready he's not ready okay so we
fluff their pillows because it's not my job to stir
the people who are sleeping and it's my
decision as to whether or not i want to participate in
a relationship where so the last relationship
that i was in as i said um i wrote the chapter
uh the man who showed me who my father is um i
really love that guy i would love to be connected
but he's not met himself in his own shit i've
done all my work maybe not all of it but i've done
90 i did a lot of stuff i've dug it dug it dug
it i keep digging it and i'm still doing it and i
love knowing myself so he's got to be pretty
yeah it's interesting matt it's such an interesting
thing because when you're in a marriage and you
started a certain place we were very young we're
23 right yeah we got married so we didn't even
know who we you know i was dealing with all my
damage and then i've gone through then i
grinded raise children but i also have gone through
resolving healing and i'm still doing that
but i'm i've faced everything and i i know where
everything is and why you face your dragon i
face my demons i face my dragons so if you it's
interesting when you're in a relationship if
one person is in that process or has gone through
that process or embraces that process and then the
other person isn't quite there that's interesting
in a marriage too and like so the fluff
your pillow thing concept you're talking about
that is coming from a place of love and that is
coming from a okay you know the the person who's
going through the healing journey has to be
okay and accept that their partner isn't ready yet
and not have resentment about that or
expectations because it is their journey so you have to find
it find that place in yourself of they're just
not there yet and i have to be okay with that or
or i mean if it gets to the point where the
relationship can't work anymore the relationship
you outgrow each other yeah grow each other um
what's funny is that with brian i'm sorry i'm
not meaning to run but with brian um i would say
in the last couple years and he'll be the first
to say he went through kind of an enlightenment
as a man and has saw started seeing everything
differently and i think realizing a lot of
things and continues to so i feel like he has been
unknowingly on that journey um and so he's
almost like still doing enough yeah i was gonna say
enough enough where we're still like maybe i'm
here but he's coming up you know he's coming up
so it's not like he's dug in his heels and he's
like i'm not nothing's gonna change you know it's
not and so you have to acknowledge that too
now what's enough for you right exactly exactly i
just think everyone operates at a different
pace or a different level and yeah certain things
what's the right way to put this aren't front and
center to feel like you have to confront or deal
with something whereas other things maybe are but
they're more latent and less conscious or you're
less conscious about if that makes sense for for
you for the person it's a subjective experience
you know so well i'm also and if i take it away
from me and i'm not doing that from out of lack
of comfort i find this interesting but i think
your advice we've had folks women come on who've
said i'm done i've had enough and they they're
done with their husband and they move on and they've
had they found it hard right that's part of the
question around are there any good guys out there
because they've come across a bunch of
assholes i think your way of framing it is very very
interesting and you know you you found it in
the terror with the nine clubs being the same and
you're repeating the same habit i think a lot of
women still do that and it's really fascinating
at our age to the to think of going out there and
trying to find another person if you're into that
or if you're just still learning about
yourself it's going to bring in different people it's
going to bring in different experiences i find
it fascinating just at an intellectual level of
you know you've hit this point a switch flipped
you went out and you're discovering this other
aspect of yourself this other journey in a sense
that's just another chapter yeah thank you it's
i find it interesting well also like i said
everything i've done in my life has prepared
me for the next thing and i studied with alison
armstrong and i highly recommend that to especially
a king maker is that if you've had kings as a
child like you're producing men then her work is
extraordinary alison armstrong is from l.a
she's now in colorado but her program is called pax
and understanding men is what she does for 28
years she studied men so the one thing that i
think most women haven't done is taken the time
out to really get to know the difference between
men and women like don't interrupt a man as her
number one thing so i'm very conscientious not
of interrupting you but of interrupting him which
is interesting because i you even said i'm sorry
to interrupt but i interrupted you so that is one
thing because women can come back to their train
of thought what she teaches is that men are
single-minded focused they're going for the
thing she said don't talk to them in the car
about something serious because they're not
listening to you they can't they're really
focused on where they're taking you they're
want to be their your hero and men really
when she said she's like okay she had this um
uh target on the screen and she goes what a man
after and i yelled sex she's no they just want
to be your hero they really just want to be your
hero men have gotten lost they don't fight wars
anymore the way they did they don't have the
purpose to work on the farm they've lost their
purpose women can work just as hard we can do
everything for ourselves they used to take care
of us and then she teaches you to let them take
care of you but i love the fact and grateful for
the fact that i understand men so because i've
taken the time out to get to know them and myself
the ones who aren't a match i still give them
loved up i'll still love them up i i don't think
that in general people are bad i think we attract
what we need to learn and what we need to know and
um yeah like i said there are certain things that
you do want to check out that you know some people
don't have the ability to tell the truth
completely and i understand why people are afraid to get
divorced it's a lot of work but um just from
what you were just sharing i really appreciate
your perspective and i think um i'd love to
hear your story when you're ready to get it
i think i'm not if it's not that i'm afraid
to do it i i've i thought about it so much
now and i'm a thinker and we've had really
remarkable people on here sharing their stories
and you you're another one i this is fascinating
but we've really had some i want to make sure i
do it right in a sense and honor it in a way and
try to be complete because i do want my kids to
be able to listen to it at some point and and get
the perspective of of of me and i do think we're
a special generation i think we've had some
really cool things and some really fucked up things
and just what we've seen right that's landed
on our in our psyche so i want to capture it all
i don't want to short change it so i i've got
to start taking notes or something i don't know
it'll happen well but let me ask a question just
from a coaching perspective what if you did one
that is the 1.0 knowing that you're going to
do 2.0 and 3.0 and that you're well if it's for
yourself though right that's why you did it was
for yourself or did you do it for everybody else
why did you do the story nicole i did it for um
um honestly i i think i put it out there because
i wanted my children to have it and i wanted to
have people your children are never gonna listen
to that they don't care about right maybe when
they get older they're grandkids well grandkids
great great for future generations right you
know like because i i thought i wish i could go
back and listen to my great grandmother's life
yes that would be cool that was it or wow when
we talk about topics i'm like i wish i could go
back and listen what my grandmother thought about
this so it was putting a face and a voice for
like my great great great granddaughter yeah you know
i mean but also eventually my children but so
that was the first motivation and then also if
it would help anyone out there listeners if they've
gone through things i really think you should send
it to your guests before they come on and i think
it would be great to have your story too because
how incredible is that to hear it for the
masculine feminine yeah true true yeah no it'll happen but
but i just wanted one last thing on the
conversation around growing men and that you're working on
yourself the fact that you are in the game for
me the guy that i was dating for six months he got
the four agreements by dalmiguel ruiz that is
my bible yeah i've studied that book for over 20
years and the fact that he bought it and he was
willing that's enough for me yeah and the reason
even though i knew he was not a match i
stayed is because i was able now to step out of the
relationship and the pain that it was creating
and see where i needed to process these emotions and
see this experience from a new perspective
that i'd already had already had this experience
the nine of clubs yeah and my father yeah and
now i'm having it from an enlightened experience
where i'd never been before so i was emotionally
available to myself to heal those parts where i
know now the next king that is going to enter
my life is going to be a completely different
experience than it would have been had i not
stayed in that relationship gotten all the lessons
and held that experience of love that's that's
amazing that makes such perfect sense and i think
that's just a totally healthy perspective though
you're bringing but you probably didn't have it
eight years ago or whatever at some point in time right you continue to evolve but
i think you're spot on from a healthy perspective
and honoring yourself and mental health perspective
for yourself absolutely and it actually leads me
to before i ask my last question do you have any
other i do actually okay on this topic in a
sense um so you coach folks people um what do you see
let me frame it i guess um what she was talking
about my enlightenment i guess or if i'm right
as i'm i'm evolving from an ogre there's i think
an element of that is when i turned 50 it was like
things and i've asked people it's kind of corny
but it's like man once i turn 50 i start seeing
things a little differently right so there's
something biological there chronological there
um but as far as you're coaching with people do
you see a difference um in their maybe level of
enlightenment or a self-awareness ability to
transform themselves given their age so like a
35 year old versus a 40 versus a 40 yeah oh that's
a great question and what i found because most of
the people who can afford to pay for me and are
looking for guidance and coaching is more middle
age um the last couple that i worked with were um
early 40s so i would just say that the individual
who is committed to um whether it's healing
self-awareness um growth that's what it comes down to
i don't know that age has as much to do with it
now i've met some 20 year olds that blow my mind
just recently i mean this kid is like doing
so much and i just asked myself god if i was
that far advanced back then i wasn't doing
croquette and drinking like where would i be now
jim any christmas is so i do believe that um
every age has its opportunities when i turn 30
like you just said when i turned 50 i had an
evolution when i turned 31 i remember that's
when i got had to get healthy physically i was
like oh wow this stuff is catching up with me
and then when i turned 40 that's when i started
doing the medicine journey and found out i had to
get heart surgery and then 50s i got heart
surgery yeah so you do it when it's right way i think
everything happens at the right time so this
enlightenment that you're going through yeah
it's probably chronological it's it's
definitely situational i think spirit is a big part of it
and how you're raised and your environment we can
only know what we know yeah our parents are doing
the best that they can and you guys did the best
that you could with what you the tools and resources
yeah and now we have more tools and resources so
then people get to decide do i want to invest my
time and energy into there but if people don't
find value in it they're not going to invest into it
like being a coach for people i'm a coach for
people who are ready to change because i can't
do it for them i've tried i tried to buy it for
them i've tried to do it for them i've learned
over the years that somewhat just like in aa you
know you gotta hit rock bottom that's those are
the people who get sober when you're sick and
tired of being sick and tired and you're ready
to make a change with your physical mental and
financial when you are so done being that 49 year
old that you're seven into your 50s and you're
like yeah yeah that makes sense that makes sense
any other questions i guess one last thing is
it's interesting i have not drank like cold turkey
since april 5th yeah this year i i only know the
day because it wasn't a monumental day was we were
at billy strength and it was afterwards we went
and had some drinks but i haven't drank and going
on six months i don't know if i had hit rock
bottom there you know as much as it was like oh
i just feel like shit i don't want to feel like
shit for the next three days i'm gonna try this
and it's stuck yeah no he has like where i've
had that occasional drink with special occasion
he's he's stuck with it so you know and i
know you feel great yeah totally yeah and he was
i mean he was the type where he had one martini
he had three more well how how frequently were
you drinking oh well in our heyday in our 40s
nightly oh every day yeah yeah in our 40s yeah
it was crazy you can't do that when you hit 50
no and that's i think that's the big driver it's
not like it was how you feel yeah it's just how
i feel and it's um it's a health choice right the
whole you you'd mentioned you know how to reverse
metabolic syndrome i do too and but mine was more
out of fear it was like i got my blood test
it's like holy shit i'm gonna die in five years
i don't fix this so i'm gonna fix this and i
went and fixed it i'm wonderful now congratulations
and thanks yeah so it was the physical thing for
you physical health and how you felt yeah and it
was a conscious decision that you decided to stop
drinking so you're so this is what they teach us
in aa everybody has a different rock bottom and
everybody's a different kind of alcoholic i chose
my sobriety date it's january 2000 yep that was
it i knew i was done i chose my sobriety day so
some people have the ability to do that and
some people struggle with the addiction their whole
lives where i mean i i've talked to people who
still crave it and want it and gosh that would be
so difficult smoking and i wish i could smoke
like cigarettes like oh my god whenever i see
somebody with one of those buffers i get on it
and then i wrestle them for it yeah you have no
cravings for anything for well it sounds like do
you have cravings for like nicotine have a cigarette
when i see other people smoking not a cigarette
but the the vape things that people do because i
was using the zen that's how i got sick i was
using that zen stuff too much because i'm like
if one's good let's do ten you know i'm an addict
so and i should say it differently because i'm no
longer an addict to certain things but um i feel
like when you make that decision and then you back
it up with discipline choices and you have a
purpose behind it it doesn't matter where your
rock bottom is your rock bottom was here mine was
here whereas yeah yeah yeah so do you do you have
any inclination to drink at all now or is it's
let's just so now i look at his spirit because i've
danced with so many other spirits yeah there's
spirit and everything everything has a spirit
this has a spirit like if you believe that that
everything has a spirit i know that particular
spirit even though i've done so much work and
maybe i wouldn't have any issues i might not
but it takes me further than away from god and
the medicines this is what i've told people before
the hard medicines i think i heard this on
entourage years ago i i used to do the hard medicines now i
do the ones that connect me with god yeah so it's
just it they relax my nervous system drop me into
spirit are used for meditation facilitate deeper
connection with my source so my last question is
always where do you see yourself in five years i
visualize that constantly every day so much joy
so much gratitude so much love so much beauty
so much power so much abundance so much giving
i am in such an incredible place right now
what i want to do is have my whitney 3.0 moment
so you know i've been thinking about what to
call my book which um the richest woman in midlife
triggered i don't know i'm not clear what it's
going to be called but i want to create something
that's going to touch millions of lives and would
like to be part of a pioneering group that helps
evolve our consciousness so that people are
happier more fulfilled more joy even if it's
just a percentage and it's a community that i
get to help spearhead and i get to support that
speaking on stages all over the world again and
doing things that i love and having a partnership
with somebody that i call my beloved where
because the thing is about being in a partnership
you get each other to do things you wouldn't
normally she's trying to get to do the story you
probably get her to do things that are active
like i don't know i i skied my skis are parked
at my girlfriend's place so i'd love to go skiing
i'd love someone to get me out of my comfort zone
to do things that are going to be more active that
a guy is going to carry my surfboard to the water
so i don't have to carry it yeah so you know that
is kind of the place that i see myself more love
more giving more growth in my community and the
people that i get to surround myself with and um
how old will i be five years from now we'll be
59 54 right 59 before 60th birthday yes healthy
healthy healthy i want to be healthy because
what i'm seeing now are people that are um i'm
going to do an event by the way i don't know if
your mom's here she's not oh yeah she lives with
oh my god we're gonna bring her if you want to
bring her so i met a woman who is 79 years old
her shoulders are in way better shape than mine
her body is fit and she teaches water pilates and
she heats her pool to 90 degrees she lives up in
wellington and i'm gonna get a group of women who
want to learn water pilates that are going to
bring their moms and we're going to create a
network in a community of women as we get older
who are actively contributing she grabbed my face
and she said i would adopt you like that kind of
community to have women the jewish moms are like
oh they're after my heart but to have a group
of people together where we're engaging and then
people women have they live longer than men they
have a lot of well-being and wellness and you know
and if we could bring together that community for
a purpose that's greater than ourselves and also
have fun and engage that would be amazing no that
sounds awesome yeah you have to keep me posted on
that but that's part of what i want to create
like there's a lot of things i can see myself
contributing to and i just um i'm just so
grateful to to oh and then let me say the last thing okay
so this is the dr joe stuff so i imagine myself
on his stage sharing about how i healed my aneurysm
because that comes along with the aortic
bicuspid valve and my valve grows back and i am the
healthiest version no more migraines no more
anything and i haven't had a migraine and i have
to look at my calendar but that i'm able to
heal myself that i am able to step into that future
self into that fifth dimension that he teaches in
class about just having and holding the thoughts
and the vibration and the frequency of love
gratitude joy bliss happiness health and i
have that frequency enough i'm tapping into
something so frequently that it's enough to pull
in that that unbelievable health because i
swear to god i feel like my skin looks better
since i've been living more and more in
that space yeah so that's one of my visions for
five years from now is i'm on his stage sharing
publicly about how i've been able to take that
work and integrate it into my life in such a way
that i am healed in physical ways that i didn't
even imagine i was able to do that's amazing
that's a wonderful five-year goal it's awesome
it's full of so much positivity and i hope you
keep me posted on all the things that you that
you have going on we're my high school sister
yeah you're my sunset sister yeah i love that
i love i was at the sunset house all those years
ago so can you believe that no no i mean i'm so
grateful that we were brought back together we
reconnected and i'm so grateful to you whitney
for coming on and sharing your story i know that
it will touch so many listeners and um it's just
a fascinating amazing journey you have so much to
share so much wisdom to share and you're not even
close to being done i just can't wait to see what
more you do i can't wait for the book and i hope
you'll come back on once it's published and
available to talk about the book and promote
the book we would love to have you back but
again thank you for sharing your story it's just
been an absolute pleasure to have you on wouldn't
you agree yeah totally this has been awesome thank
you thank you for coming on i think you're
gonna touch a lot of our listeners we have a lot of
female listeners i think i think you're you're
just such an empowering force for for for women
women our age and even younger right that's
our that is our demographic i i just think you're
going to be an empowering force a role model an
example um just a positive energy for them it's
it's i'm excited to see what kind of commentary
we get to be honest me too me too it's all good
and for our listeners um we will include everywhere
you can find whitney in the show notes her socials
her website if you have any questions for whitney
we will make sure she sees them so she can respond
to you but um if you want to reach out to
whitney for coaching all of that information will be in
the show notes we'll make sure you can get in
touch with her and um again once her book comes
out we will hopefully have her back on to talk
about that i have one more comment just to say
how impressed i am with both of you and if you
think about frequency that i'm writing this high
frequency and working so hard and we were
brought together for a purpose yes gen x adulting is a
really powerful experience that you guys
created look i was supposed to be off i just say i sat
with it i was like this is where i'm supposed
to be this experience i got tingles i got chills
you guys are creating something really powerful
here really powerful and the experience of getting
to sit in your own medicine and have somebody
really listen and ask really penetrating questions
and really care there is nothing quite quite
like this it's tasty medicine and i'm really
grateful that you invited me to have this
experience thank you well thank you for your
kind words and we're so grateful i knew our our
hard stop had passed and i'm just grateful you
stayed yeah so thank you and thank you for
your kind words it means a lot really it does yeah
and where you know i was just gonna say we really
appreciate you coming in it's awesome i'm glad you
enjoyed your time here we yes i know i can speak
for the both of us this has been awesome absolutely
and i know in an open book i mean it's 100 100
we've got going on and i know our list i trust
myself yes and that's so when you trust
yourself whatever happens around you you have to trust
that it's happening for the right purpose and
this is my future yeah and i have to pee just
like your dog yeah i know she's trying to go out
um okay so listeners again thank you for listening
please leave any questions comments we love it and we will see you next time bye