Episode 22 - Midlife, Menopause & Reclaiming Your Energy

[Music] welcome to genx adulting and today Brian and I are going to delve a little bit more into the concept of women reclaiming their energy as they hit midlife or is it only when they hit midlife are there other situations that you know can uh you can say a woman is reclaiming her energy so we'll touch on that a little bit and I think we did a few episodes with some guests and and um discussed the whole reclaiming women reclaiming their energy concept and the feedback we got I thought was very interesting on our socials on our listening platforms and so we thought pretty visceral in general yeah a lot yeah yeah a lot um the the one thing I wanted to start off with which I found so interesting was a lot of women came in saying oh that feeling you have of reclaiming your energy that's per menopause and although I do agree that per menopause um could be a tool or a catalyst in a situation I hesitate to attribute a woman reclaiming her energy to par menopause or menopause because I think it diminishes it and I think it's you could um end up in a situation where women say um people say women are emotional because they have their period so I think you have to be careful when you um discuss per menopause and menopause along with women reclaiming their energy because many women are choosing to take on an entirely New Journey A New Path and prioritize themselves and that is so much more than hormones I'm not saying hormones are not changing during that time they are um and I think as a result women get very tired of dealing with the same shit but it takes a lot of courage and um a lot of strength to completely change the trajectory of your own life and so to say it's per menopause or menopause I just I just think it's more than that why why

um a lot of strength to completely change the trajectory of your own life and so to say it's per menopause or menopause I just I just think it's more than that why why do you why do you think it the peram menopause or menopause is driving that as a catalyst like a from a hormonal shift is it is it there's this buildup of activity because some of the commentary we've had with some of our guests is around life events and then it's not just hormonal but there is a hormonal angle there right from what you're saying right now what we've seen from the commentary what what's happening there why is that because as a guy and as male listeners we'd probably love to know might be able to adjust a little bit you mean the hormonal part of it yeah yeah yeah um well estrogen goes down and so estrogen is a hormone that um typically is what helps women feel maternal nurturing you know they want to take care of their children their family their tolerance for the extra crap is much higher because of the estrogen so prior to per menopause or menopause your tolerance for nonsense is hormonally um supported supported yeah it's a good word yeah yeah I I would say so I'm not an expert I'm not a doctor yeah um but from the little bit I know about this from my research I that's a great way to put it I think that estrogen has it's in some ways it might be like a little gaslighter that allows us to put up with crap we normally wouldn't put up with if our head was clear so but it allows us to take those steps to then get married and have children and have a higher tolerance so once we hit midlife and we hit per menopause and menopause and that estrogen dip dips it's like almost a veil is lifted and that's why I say it is a tool as a woman is reclaiming her energy it is it helps

menopause and menopause and that estrogen dip dips it's like almost a veil is lifted and that's why I say it is a tool as a woman is reclaiming her energy it is it helps it's a catalyst it's a support as much as estrogen supports Us in those years of nurturing lack of it supports us as we reclaim our energy so it's very interesting if you think about it it's a really vital hormone with or without it a woman can accomplish so much with estrogen she can have children she can be nurturing and raise those children for women who want children we get a lot of comments about you know a lot of women have chosen not to and that's totally fine but then without it it helps gives give her the strength to prioritize herself and make decisions for just her and not worry about everyone else because especially when a woman is a mother her first thought is always her children first and then typically her husband typically the whole family and she is last it really goes that way and so when you go through per menopause and menopause that dip in estrogen definitely helps women flip that this is what when I was saying the game has changed the game has changed yes and take note of it guys because the game has changed women's estrogen levels are dropping and apparently we're in trouble yes but again it's not just that because that's like saying when girls start to get their period oh they're emotional once a month oh that's why their feelings are hurt yeah and it's not well but it's on the same level cuz as guys that is a reality and you need to be more sensitive sensitive is a good word um so this awareness of reducing or dropping estrogen levels leading to behavioral changes if you're aware I had no clue so I've taken some lumps here right um in other guys out there too but

word um so this awareness of reducing or dropping estrogen levels leading to behavioral changes if you're aware I had no clue so I've taken some lumps here right um in other guys out there too but it's something that's not really talked about and all of a sudden it's here and the other thing we talked about on this was the generational shift my mom went through this your m went through and it was just like they were silent about it like oh I don't know I'm just I'm hot and now as gen xers you guys are you girls are handling it differently I think and it's a paradigm shift 100% so and we've also had some comments about people saying oh the my grandma and and her her mother and all that they went through it what's the big deal and it's like yeah they went through it silently they they were grinding through it or they just it was something they viewed they had to get through and everything would be fine but Gen X women are like no we're going to talk about this I don't have to just get through this I'm not going to stop thriving because I'm in menopause or per menopause I'm going to figure out a way to not only continue thriving but I'm going to kick ass and that's Gen X I think that we were like we're going to support each other we're going to trailblaze for the younger generations and then per menopause and menopause should be discussed just as much as when uh girls get um their periods for the first time and go through all those hormonal changes or when boys go through hormonal changes it it should be per menopause and menopause should be talked about as openly as anything else that has to do with women and then I think a lot of relationships would survive longer but I'm not saying though I'm not saying that divorces happen because of per

about as openly as anything else that has to do with women and then I think a lot of relationships would survive longer but I'm not saying though I'm not saying that divorces happen because of per menopause and menopause but I do think it's interesting it's a good it's a sign if a partner if the if as a woman if the man in your life is not noticing those changes you're going through and at least saying hey are you okay or what's going on with you and just kind of letting her flounder and as she slowly you know it's getting harder and harder for her to do some things she doesn't know why because there's a lot of symptoms to per menopause and menopause physical and mental so it's really how connected are the couple how where is the man to what his partner is going through yeah I mean that's a fascinating concept because we all evolve I'm going to get killed but because you you've gone through it and you've said this or that and and it's like oh okay okay and then it feels like at some point the shit kind of hits the fan in some respects not so much with us I don't I don't think we've had that moment um not yet at least right not yet but um in other situations that we've seen or heard that we've had feedback on or commentary on this on the socials um they've not there's not been a connection and and all of a sudden it's like the the the the woman is had enough and and it does lead to some drastic changes and the guys are shocked that from what I've seen the guys out there are shocked um this is all interesting and fascinating to me I find it to be one of our most fascinating topics because the response is like I say is so visceral and and and widespread um and as guys we're not equipped you know I would love we need we and we do have a boomer male Boomer

fascinating topics because the response is like I say is so visceral and and and widespread um and as guys we're not equipped you know I would love we need we and we do have a boomer male Boomer gu coming on soon and I would love to get some feedback from some guys ahead of me they're a little older right some Boomers whose wives have gone through this or Partners have gone through this and were they vocal but they collectively kept it quiet or you know how did that what are the Dynamics there because you guys are way more vocal and the Millennials are are way more vocal right so there's more we've talked about that women the the millennial couples seem to communicate better yeah further along or from an earlier stage and I think as gen xers we we kind of have grown into this this but you you as genx women you guys are reclaiming your energy you're unpackaging things you're you're being more independent maybe stronger stronger willed right and and it's a shock to the male system to be honest with I love I will I love that you call unpacking and packaging I will always unpacking unpacking I'm packaging my trauma um these are foreign concepts for me I know I know well it's interesting because you you wonder does per menopause and menopause expose men to how they've been as a partner because if you're not seeing your wife or your girlfriend whatever your partner if you aren't seeing her and it's very easy right we all go through we fall into our roles we've talked about this we raise children um we're working and all that stuff right so if you stop seeing your partner then are you going to notice the changes she's going through is she's going through per menopause are you going to pick up on the nuances how much are you paying attention to your wife

partner then are you going to notice the changes she's going through is she's going through per menopause are you going to pick up on the nuances how much are you paying attention to your wife and so if you've been kind of ignoring her in some ways through most of your relationship and you guys have you've just been grinding but really not seeing her as a woman this whole time and then she has that dip in estrogen and she's like you know what I'm tired of not being seen it's my time time and that's where I think the change happens in the relationship and and I can tell you from a lot of uh our listeners what I've heard is a lot of women decide to divorce yeah you know what we've seen too is a lot of the men are really pissed really pissed about that and we've seen some really harsh comments too I think around that how the woman's being selfish or self centered or whatever that commentary is right it's completely triggered men yeah totally and I and I but again I'm I got to stand up for the men here in in just in the maybe it's an ignorance maybe to your point it's it it could be an ignorance level I don't know if I don't know if men are neglecting their wives or not paying attention but there's that that you know I'm going to get killed but you say you know I feel weird about this I feel weird about that and then all of a sudden it's like it's really weird and and the shit hits the fan and you take action and the man is like well wait what when did it elevate and and I think that's happening and men are getting caught off guard and are pissed but I think they're getting caught off guard because she's been saying something yeah for a while and they are have not been listening you know you know what though if I think in this is

but I think they're getting caught off guard because she's been saying something yeah for a while and they are have not been listening you know you know what though if I think in this is the difference if it's medical meaning if you had a cut men could sympath sympathize with a cut you broke your arm that's tangible right the emotional side I don't know if we're as you know it's that's different it's sort of like mental illness and I'm not this is not an equivalence between your hormonal shifts and your emotions and Mental Illness but mental illness is sort of that silent disease right it's not as visible if you have a limp you're like oh what happened to your leg if your arm's in a sling what happened to your arm but the the mental illness is silent unless it it's expressed somehow so I think from male perspective is it's not as easy to see it's not tangible and and I'm not defending men I'm I'm I'm bringing up a perspective because I know there's plenty of assholes out there I've been an asshole at times and I've definitely ignored certain things but it there's just a shift no I mean I think what you're saying is interesting because like there's silent diseases right like thyroid disease um there's people that have long Co that's a silent disease so um and menopause and per menopause is not a disease but in a lot of ways it is it can be silent in the way it affect and it's Insidious right it's slow it's a change it's an entire entirely hormonal shift in a woman and it's huge and okay to your point it's not discussed enough in society so men have not been prepared let me ask you this because this has been a Hot Topic the whole Perry menopause and menopause thing I think even haly Barry was on Drew Barrymore show today talking about

have not been prepared let me ask you this because this has been a Hot Topic the whole Perry menopause and menopause thing I think even haly Barry was on Drew Barrymore show today talking about this look at you I didn't even know that I saw it on Yahoo I see how in touch I am um it's just the more verbal conversation that's happening amongst women Gen X yeah they're both Gen X both those women you just mentioned are Gen X yeah but you guys are talking about you talk about with your girlfriends May young girls night out oh my God this or that and then you come home and like whoa what okay so you're talking about it whereas women before you probably didn't talk about it yeah they didn't because even with my mom you know it would it would just be like it's just menopause or what like she she didn't talk about it a lot but it when we did talk about it or if I asked about it it was like it's just menopause but it's so much more than that like it's not honored what women go through is not being honored and at least again to go back to men at least men have been raised like it's taught in school girls are going to get their period this is what happens and so you guys at least know even coming out of Middle School what happens to a girl you can't fully understand the impact of it all but you understand you you you get physically what's going on menopause is not discussed and so you get married or you end up with a partner you go through your 20s together your 30s together and then she goes through this shift that's just as big as when she when went through her hormonal shift as a pre-teen teenager but no one's talked to anyone about it so these men are like have no idea what's going on and then in so many instances the women don't either because

through her hormonal shift as a pre-teen teenager but no one's talked to anyone about it so these men are like have no idea what's going on and then in so many instances the women don't either because for Gen X women our grandmothers and mothers didn't talk about it not in any extent they could educate us so we're learning about it for the first time right mhm and then if you it dep that's what I'm saying does it expose your partner because then if you do try to talk to your partner about it and if he isn't supportive or doesn't listen or doesn't take you seriously that's exposing him as a partner well and counter to that if you're now talking about it you bring it home to us me mik right and we talk about it I'm not equipped you meaning so if you go out on girls night you guys talk about it whatever you're talking about you guys all come home with your your your your nuggets of information on perom menopause you're comparing notes and then now all of a sudden you're sharing this stuff with us it's like whoa whoa okay okay but I think that that's first of all we're not out all talking about guys are doing trust me when we're out at girls night we're not that's not our main focus but um but yes we are talking when it comes up we do whatever yeah yeah well we are researching it you know and yes when we get together sometimes times we are talking about it but that's not the only thing but so if we come home or we do some research and we share it with you with the men in our lives are you saying men aren't capable of understanding the little words coming out of our mouth no what I'm saying it's not on our radar we're looking at other things ah so you're not fully listening no no not saying that if you speak and we listen

little words coming out of our mouth no what I'm saying it's not on our radar we're looking at other things ah so you're not fully listening no no not saying that if you speak and we listen it's like whoa this is a foreign topic I was thinking about maybe the football school I'm going to stereotype it's not accur but the maybe the football scores or the you know the baseball scores whatever whatever it is we're thinking about menopause is not on the the bingo card okay but the woman in your life is going through a huge change in her life yep and is telling the men in her life about it trying to yep and they are not giving it the respect it deserves I don't I'm not saying that what I'm saying is it's new information it's new information so it's it's I'm hearing you but what do I know about menopause beyond what you're telling me about menopause and what it means to you biologically I'm learning it for the first time I'm not out Googling menopause until you raise the topic so we're coming to it IL equipped but at the same time this is another pattern that's happened I think in in what we I don't mean to point my finger but um women know women are thinking and experiencing things and then they come to their partner with it so in some ways but I'll make it specific the divorce conversations we've had right women know women know two three years in advance before they take action so you know you're in this menopause phase because things are happening differently biologically whatever it is I don't know maybe your hair's thinning or whatever the the symptoms I've told you some symptoms yeah but I'm not I don't want to go into the okay right I'm being respectful of the symptoms okay um but these things are happening to you and

the the symptoms I've told you some symptoms yeah but I'm not I don't want to go into the okay right I'm being respectful of the symptoms okay um but these things are happening to you and you guys are thinking about it like whoa that was kind of weird and then then you start to make sense of it I'm in Perry of menopause okay now this Enlightenment happens you bring it to their male partner who's not been experiencing these things and now to just catch up and understand at such a deep emotional level that youve you have all contemplated that right I think that's what's happening because you're really contemplating what's going on the biological shift in your bodies you've had time to think about it truly experience it and then to articulate it to a man and expect them to understand right away be sympathetic empathetic and supportive we need time I think so it's a shift I think it's interesting that you just said right away because I think by default women know that no man is going to understand anything right away and that we have to explain things repeatedly for days weeks months and years of our life to get the most simple concept to be understood so if we were going to bring menopause to in our life I think in a lot of ways um when it comes to interpersonal relationships with women men do act like cavemen because I think that I think they put in the work in the Chase and then when they get the woman they do what they think needs to be done to keep her but I think they are naturally hesitant to do much more than that and here's the woman that needs more than that but again life is distracting with children and um all the things that go along with raising a family and working and all the things and then she reaches a point usually

needs more than that but again life is distracting with children and um all the things that go along with raising a family and working and all the things and then she reaches a point usually again midlife and a lot of that could be that estrogen dip but not all of it and she's like look I've been trying to say I want this for a very long time and if you're not going to listen to me I don't want to be with you anymore and then the man who feels like he's been doing what needs to be done and and required of him is shocked and triggered yeah and gets mad yeah I don't I don't totally disagree with you to be honest with you yeah I think women need more from relationships and I think they spend a good part of their relationship fighting to get that from the men in their lives now I'm not saying there aren't wonderful perfect men out there we've had listeners comment and and they sound like they have amazing relationships and that's awesome and I will say that if you are not friends with your husband or your partner your quality of a relationship definitely will be affected I think that friendship is is incredibly important because it builds in a respect but even then um I think that that women um devote a significant amount of time especially in the first half of let's say a marriage trying to get the men in their lives to understand what's important to them and what they need before they're easily distracted with all the other responsibilities and I think that men feel they're doing enough I think men decide I'm doing enough and then they're fine with that they almost have the attitude of I'm doing enough and if she's not happy whatever she'll leave like if this is it this is the most I can do I don't know I know I'm generalizing I'm not

fine with that they almost have the attitude of I'm doing enough and if she's not happy whatever she'll leave like if this is it this is the most I can do I don't know I know I'm generalizing I'm not saying all men but I think I feel like in general men are like what more do you want from me yeah yeah I don't know I mean like do you think I like I'll go back to the the I we we play different roles probably in in meaning not just men but men and women in a relationship marriage a partnership um there's just different roles roles that evolve not saying they're good bad or indiff but roles evolve that allow you to to move forward as a unit right so and those roles are important whatever those roles are agree on that and so yeah I don't know I mean but somewhere in there something gets lost for a lot of women somewhere in there but something probably gets lost for a lot of men as well and that could be very true yeah that could be very true the thing I'm trying to wrap my head around is and I'm racking my brain maybe you'll know you you're you're pretty dialed in on this but you're talking about the shift for women hormonally there's another one for men too right our testosterone levels go down yeah there's other things happening I don't know what they are per se I feel like I'm the same guy now as I was 20 years ago I feel great but there's there's there's got to be things happening I don't know no no men men I think that's why a lot of men also go through midlife crisis because I think that they have a hormonal shift yes I have and you you know what I have not done any research on men and their hor hormonal change and that's that's not fair um because I should because I'm in a relationship but that but that's sort of my question I'm I feel like I'm

done any research on men and their hor hormonal change and that's that's not fair um because I should because I'm in a relationship but that but that's sort of my question I'm I feel like I'm steady Edie on this one do you really I I'm steady Edie that's interesting no my point is I don't feel like I've actually I know I have I've had diff a perspective change and we've talked about that once you hit like 50 it's like okay feel pretty good what's next I got I kind of mastered this so far what do we want to do right and men are reclaiming their own energy in a different way I guess right um but I don't feel like we have I guess biologically we just don't have that same mix hormonally may you know testosterone levels dip I guess but yeah they do and and I think I think okay so my maybe less energy but I think okay I think men more cranky I do and I and I'm not saying that in a funny way I think men as they get older that's fascinating they get more cranky you guys do too then and maybe both are hormonal based yeah because what you're describing you know we've been talking about the menopause param menopause the hormonal pce so far but if you shift it over to the just hey we've had enough you know men too are like we've had enough and there's you say you cranky for us and maybe that's fair maybe you're more cranky too and you're like fuck this you guys I'm done with your shit and I'm I'm moving on one packaging but what I mean when I say cranky like for about little things like you guys get I feel like as men get older they get really worked up over like that whole Boomer uh the Boomer like get off my lawn you yeah maybe yeah I think there's a general like you know like don't sweat the small stuff I think when men hit a certain age they start

like that whole Boomer uh the Boomer like get off my lawn you yeah maybe yeah I think there's a general like you know like don't sweat the small stuff I think when men hit a certain age they start sweating all the small stuff and they get real edgy about like things that it's like why why you so worried about that but maybe that is hormonal based maybe that's that testosterone dip and they're just more edgy or I don't know need like a Doctor Drew yeah I know right so I don't know but I think so to go back I do think per menopause and menopause the timing see but okay per menopause can start as early as like I think 35 and then go all the way through to like 55 or older so you really can't talk you wonder why you wonder why we're cranky that's why we're cranky but that doesn't necessarily it's not necessarily a negative thing like as women go through the shift if they have the right support I'll keep the camera off me while I roll my eyes no it's true though if they feel that's supported and understood it can really bring down it can really soften the blow I guess but no my point is is though to attribute um reclaiming your energy to per menopause or menopause you're talking like a 20e span you can't you can't say it's because of that I'm sorry now again it can be a tool it can be a catalyst it can be a support but there's women that are that are reclaiming their energy from some very serious circumstances and that is more from strength and courage than I think a hormonal change so that that was to go back to where I saw a lot of people saying reclaiming your energy is just because you're in per menopause and it's like it is not just because of that it that might be part of the narrative but you you shouldn't belittle at saying

saying reclaiming your energy is just because you're in per menopause and it's like it is not just because of that it that might be part of the narrative but you you shouldn't belittle at saying that's why if that makes sense yeah yeah I'm I'm curious what do you think the other catalyst is in terms of just being done I we've talked about that you're just done and and you're ready to walk away and it's takes a lot of Courage right you've been married for x amount of years or with someone for x amount of years you've got kids you've got this life built and you're almost like I'm done I'm willing to just take the risk and go figure out a new life lifestyle or yeah you know carve A New Path what I you know it's a f i find that fascinating truthfully I mean I'm sure Generations before us did that of women but not not in I think not as loudly and that's more genx I think you think that social media that makes it loud or and there somewhat of an echo chamber or is it just you know maybe they're just willing to kind of wear that Banner or badge a little bit more visibly or I mean I definitely think there is no there is not a stigma to it although a lot of men on social media would say there is but I think women are very supportive of other women as they if they need to get a divorce or walk away from a relationship you know they have the support of the W of the other women in their lives um Society is way more accepting of that than it ever has been um so but as far as social media I think social media has created a larger um spiderweb of support for women they don't feel so alone because you have to remember there's a lot of women that live in not in urban areas you know and they don't have as many other women around them or women their age or women they

don't feel so alone because you have to remember there's a lot of women that live in not in urban areas you know and they don't have as many other women around them or women their age or women they can talk to there's a lot of lonely women there's a lot of women that are lonely in a marriage being lonely in a marriage or in a relationship is 10 million times worse than being lonely alone it's a it's it is a monster and there's a lot of women out there in that situation so a lot of men too we learned that right not to I don't think it's at the same quantity by any stretch of the imagination but there's some guys out there express the same they could relate to the the quote unquote women's plight in that sense right they're done and they're feel like they're in this they're lonely in their marriages or relationships or whatever yeah it was a much smaller percentage but yes of course this can this can go both ways but in general I think I think social media has offered these women a support system that they wouldn't normally have well to your point if you're in a in a rural area or less urban area and you're on social media you can find your your tribe in a sense right you can find your support system so in that way I think women are more empowered than ever that as they as they go through their Journey or reclaim their energy or try to figure out their next step un package package so um but I do think as far as being done I think for genx women we've always we've been taking care of ourselves since we were like five seven like we were the latch key kids so we've been going going going since we were little kids and saying whenever we want and not having a filter and sticking up for ourselves and fighting for ourselves and so I think by the time we got have got

been going going going since we were little kids and saying whenever we want and not having a filter and sticking up for ourselves and fighting for ourselves and so I think by the time we got have got into midlife we have no fears of vocalizing where we're coming from and we have no problem saying we're not going to take this anymore and walking away from it and so I think our generation is doing it more loudly than ever than any other generation for sure you know it actually as you're saying that what it it makes me feel like you're you know there's that statement of do as I say not as I do right that's sort of my parenting style um but I think you're almost doing as you say you tell your daughters be strong you tell your sons right Gen X women and Gen X parents you can go do anything that's our message to the kids right well that's why gen Z is the way they are yeah you go and do whatever you want and be a good person but whatever you think you want to do you can do it feels like you guys are almost taking your own advice your the kids have kind of left they've grown up a little bit and you're finally saying you know what I'm going to follow the advice I've given my kids no it's a really good point because I think especially genx women with our daughters we've tried to we've raised them to be the young women we wish we could have been like I look at my own daughter and every day I admire her because she strong girl well she's just everything that I would have ever wanted to be she's everything right so and I'm not saying that's because of how I that's me how I raised her um but so that's her dad she was born you know as this amazing person and then I definitely wanted to just keep building that person up in every way and I never

that's me how I raised her um but so that's her dad she was born you know as this amazing person and then I definitely wanted to just keep building that person up in every way and I never wanted her to have doubt or self-doubt that was a big thing I wanted to make sure that she had that innate belief in her herself and I'm sure there's a lot of genx women who have raised their daughters the same way and their daughters have become the women they always wish they could have been and to your point I think we've done that and we're like oh well okay now it's we can do this we do know how to do this so we're going to do it for ourselves so do you think then you found strength in our daughter and you know the girl she's become and you see how she is and you see the advice you give do you think that's given you strength to reclaim your energy or or you know become a stronger more assertive uh self um protective person type of thing no my daughter is an inspiration to me inspiration she is 100% an inspiration to me and and she actually just from things she has said you know she's a young woman now so things she has said in conversations we've had over over the years she she's um has held me accountable mhm like you said I've I've raised her in certain ways and I've said do this do that and she's held me accountable to I need to also do that for myself yeah and so yeah she has inspired me to um prioritize myself and as much as I prior as I prioritized her and and showed her how to prioritize herself so you know yeah I would say definitely and I'm sure there's many Gen X women who feel that way and it's not just my daughter and my sons too yeah you know I yeah I think as we've raised our children and we've we've raised gen Z and they're a great generation you know

just my daughter and my sons too yeah you know I yeah I think as we've raised our children and we've we've raised gen Z and they're a great generation you know they the Millennials have completely carved away for them and jenz is gonna just run with it but a lot of it's because they've been raised by Gen X so do you think then I'd love to hear feedback on this too but more more from other folks as well but do you think other women have you talked to other women that they've found that same inspiration and strength from their children and that's helping Drive things well here's the funny thing um I'm I'm the old mom I know we used to be the young parents now we're the old parents cuz so yeah um so I'm we have three kids and my tribe the women in My Tribe are from our third K the youngest the youngest I those are my friends their kids are my youngest our youngest sons yeah um H so yes my I I had um Mom friends with our daughter and with our son but my people showed up with my younger son so so their kids are still young yeah um they there are some who their kids have finally gotten to college but I think I'm the only one who has kids in their late 20s and mid 20s out of my my core group so I haven't had that conversation yet yeah with a friend you know I I know that their CH you know their um as they watch their children grow you know we talk about how amazing that is but to get you don't really get to that where your children you're like wow they they are holding me accountable and they like you said like you brought me that point across of inspiring until I think they're adults yeah so getting them there but yeah yeah definitely I've gotten strength through them there's no well from the day they were born I got

across of inspiring until I think they're adults yeah so getting them there but yeah yeah definitely I've gotten strength through them there's no well from the day they were born I got strength through our kids yeah there's no question not that I took it took their energy or or use them for that but it just I think every most mothers become well no you I mean as parents you just operate at a higher level of of importance I guess completely completely so what I find interesting though is the visceral reaction of a lot of the men in our comment sections um a lot of men seem very angry that women would have the gall to reclaim their energy to prioritize themselves to decide that they're going to live their lives for themselves or that they're going to that they want their needs met and they want to be seen there are men that are literally livid over that and I find that so interesting I mean I I think they're exposing themselves um in my mind it's like okay you're the men that these women are leaving why would these women stay in a relationship with someone like you because if you feel comfortable putting this out there on the internet I can't imagine what you would say to your partner behind closed doors so whenever I see a man get so angry in the comments when a woman is just talking about empowering herself I I think go for it because you're just exposing yourself for we're this is who we're talking about yeah I have a different response I'm more of the dude shut shut up that's crazy how can you write that kind of stuff yeah the personal attacks on some of the commentary is is really crazy it is it's it's you know I'm not a goody goody I'm a guy guy right I'm I just wouldn't do that it's crazy no I mean I just think it's very interesting how easily

commentary is is really crazy it is it's it's you know I'm not a goody goody I'm a guy guy right I'm I just wouldn't do that it's crazy no I mean I just think it's very interesting how easily triggered these men get and um I I just think it just it I didn't expect the visceral reaction I'm shocked yeah yeah so and and they're just absolutely offended that women are deciding to take control of their lives and make the and they automatically side with the man they don't even know the whole story because remember they're just seeing such a short part of our podcast and they do not know the whole story and they're assuming right away that she's left her children left her man for no reason she's woke up one day and decided I don't want to do this anymore I'm going to go start a new life and never giving the woman the benefit of the doubt I think that's what shocks me the most is the context of not knowing the context and automatically attacking say the messenger yeah and not thinking that there's probably more to the situation than what meets the eye yeah and to come in so hot and assume just the assumptions made is pretty pretty wild it's not an intellectual conversation at all it's it's purely this just anger it is and I feel like I think there's and I know I'm not surprised but I am there is there's definitely a huge M part of the male population that thinks that women are there to serve them like truly thinks that and that when women decide to start making decisions for themselves that they're going against some unspoken law or something like that's how they almost respond and if do you know any men like this in your personal life like that act like this that would that would that talk about women in derogatory ways it feel comfortable doing

if do you know any men like this in your personal life like that act like this that would that would that talk about women in derogatory ways it feel comfortable doing that no not not that I can think of no because I feel like there is men there are men that get together and when they're hanging out they they talk they do talk shit about women there's a good amount of men that don't like women there's a good amount of men that hate women but they still want to have sex with them and that's really all they want I mean I I get the perspective because I've been around it and I won't generalize the type of guy I don't want to insult people that are you know but meaning it's you know if it's a profession or a type of that kind of thing you I mean I don't want to I'm not going to cast them all into a same bucket but um there's definitely out there yeah you see it you know there's men that don't yeah there's men that don't like women yeah well I don't know if it's that they don't like women there but no I think there's it's more a respect thing I think than it is a a like versus you know it's more respect Maybe than it is like so I think there's men that have never had a woman as a friend and I think there's a lot of men who are not friends with their wife that only see their wife as a mother and a domestic partner I I do I think there's a lot of men here's my hesitation is it there's there's just all types of different people so what I feel like and what we've seen is a very small sample right it's not like every it's it's just a small sampling whatever quantity of responses it is and the scheme of responses it's it's extremely small yeah and there's just I think there's a lot of dynamics that go into all of this stuff we we we've some of the commentary

responses it is and the scheme of responses it's it's extremely small yeah and there's just I think there's a lot of dynamics that go into all of this stuff we we we've some of the commentary has just come from maybe the lowest the lower lowest denominator of people true right there's a lot of men that that see stuff and just keep moving along that's how I am and you just don't post and you just don't chime in for some reason some of the content that we've shared around women reclaiming their energy or or just having enough and walking away it struck a chord with a very small minority of men but that very small minority of men is very vocal and very V vicious and quite frankly over the top but I don't think by any stretch of the imagination you can you know extrapolate that out to this is all men a very and I know you're not saying that but I just it's a small amount of people in the scheme of things no you're right you're right I I but I still do I agree with everything you just said and I definitely don't think it's all men my gosh like I most of the men I know most of the men I know are awesome and my sons are awesome their friends are awesome so um no I'm I I do think though I do think the concept of being friends with your wife and truly respecting her as a person for some men is a foreign concept that they that they marry her because she'll be a domestic partner and a mother but I don't know if they I don't know I don't know if I I you might be generalizing I don't know I said some men yeah but I think people get married for all types of different reasons and then once you whatever your marriage is whatever that started as it evolves into whatever it evolves into right we've started as best friends we're we're we've maintained a

reasons and then once you whatever your marriage is whatever that started as it evolves into whatever it evolves into right we've started as best friends we're we're we've maintained a friendship but we're now we're just parents as well we're not just but you know what I'm saying honestly if you think about it we started as best friends and became life Partners who happen to raise three kids yeah so it's changed no I know but but I think that like you just said it that friendship is there always oh 100% yeah no I think it's critical I don't disagree with that yeah but I don't think see that was necessary for me to be friends with whoever I married that was necessary same for the compatibility yeah okay but I don't know if it is for all absolutely not that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying so and then okay so take that right if you ha if you don't have that and then your partner starts going through major life change like per menopause that man is not going to be there for her in this way he should because he's never really been her friend he's been her husband and he's been the father to her children but he has not been her friend yeah and that's where the breakdown happens because that's when she's like you know what I want more than this this this I'm not just I'm not a mom anymore I'm you know my children are older or whatever if we're talking about midlife typically or even if they're not they're like I'm this isn't enough for me I want more and that's where I think that that's why I think some women can walk away so easily because they're not walking away from a friendship they're walking away from a role there's a big difference there yeah and I I do think a key to Friendship is empathy and right you're going through

because they're not walking away from a friendship they're walking away from a role there's a big difference there yeah and I I do think a key to Friendship is empathy and right you're going through shit and if I can't empathize with you then that's a problem right that's a catalyst of I'm I'm out yeah typ of thing and I think there's a lot of relationships where that friendship doesn't exist so that empathy isn't there that compassion isn't there from definitely from the man and and so she's it's not as hard for her to walk away because she's not walking away from from this solid friendship relationship she's just walking away from a role and she's like I'm not playing that role anymore yeah yeah and I think that's what it is I do CU I think if I think if the partner will meet you halfway or take the time to learn what you're going through and take the time to see you and by that he's showing you he respects you and loves you then I don't think those women divorce their husbands as they're reclaiming their energy I think the relationship evolves and changes you know but I don't think they're just because you're reclaiming your energy doesn't mean you're getting divorced yeah because there's so many men that will rise to the occasion well we've seen some commentary too of women who said we're working through this yes I've started reclaiming my energy and my guy is kind of caught up and we're working through it he's trying trying because I think they have that friendship connection yeah he because it isn't just love right well okay so when you first get married you're in love you're infatuated lust all that stuff but to really have a lifelong marriage are you just a partnership you don't want to box it in Mar no no partnership always yeah

you're in love you're infatuated lust all that stuff but to really have a lifelong marriage are you just a partnership you don't want to box it in Mar no no partnership always yeah relationship whatever um you the Love Changes it's like it goes so much deeper than that and so if in that situation if she were to come to him he's going to figure out how to how to work with her and how to make this okay because he doesn't want to lose her and that touches on what I mean and I got killed for this um that we develop slower I probably used the wrong choice of words to say we develop slower because I don't know if we do I don't know I mean my thinking on this is evolving even as we talk about it now from when we first approached the topic um but that one person or a few people who said hey um we're working through this my guy caught up you know she gave him the space and time to catch up and like I say you know you you're out with your girlfriends and you're at girls night out and you come back and it's like we're talking about menopause and Par menopause it's like whoa I was just watching a football game right you know and so it's like I need give me at least 10 minutes right let me wrap my head around this thing yeah no I think when a when a woman actually when divorc or leaving a relationship is part of her reclaiming her energy I think you're talking about she's been asking for the same thing from him for years yeah probably and H and he's he's been pushing her side he's been kicking the can down the road I'll deal with this when I have to when she really seems like she means it that's when I'll do it and he's missing all the signs that she means it dude men don't really when a woman gets quiet is when you need to worry you know it's funny

really seems like she means it that's when I'll do it and he's missing all the signs that she means it dude men don't really when a woman gets quiet is when you need to worry you know it's funny cuz in my professional life I've always told people if you're telling me something that's important and I'm not ignoring and I'm ignoring you or I'm not not ignoring but if I'm not hearing you you know it's kind of the the proverbial grab me by the collar and shake me and say hey this is really important so that and then and that's sort of that same thing right it's go through this stuff and maybe it's not resonating so it's the grab me by the caller tell me this shit's real and I don't know if that's Pro that's may happen maybe it doesn't happen I don't know I think that though women do they may you know I really do think I think it's it can it can be viewed as nagging um it can lead to arguments um it a lot of men are voided they just are and so they'll go into a space of like I don't see you I don't hear you kind of space um so I think women I think they've now not all women there's definitely women that they do not have good communication skills I was just going to go there yeah we're picking on the guys but yeah know there's there's yes there's women that do not have there's a lot of women that that don't know how to communicate their needs um there's a lot of relationships that don't have communication and I know it's like you can't imagine but there's a lot of relationships that don't have communication so when if if if a woman like that if she has not been communicating and then all of a sudden she she hits a point in her life and in your relationship where she's all of a sudden communicating um that's what

like that if she has not been communicating and then all of a sudden she she hits a point in her life and in your relationship where she's all of a sudden communicating um that's what that's also that's that's a huge change that's that's a over that can be very overwhelming because it's almost like she's changed as a person but I don't know I feel like when you're in a long relationship you're always evolving you're always changing you're always trying to figure out how to stay connected so then when that not every relationship is like that though but not every relationship they function perfectly fine they seem to but then she goes through she goes through her midlife reclaiming her energy not all women do that though is so that's what I'm saying this is all new this is all gamechanging stuff because not all women go through this and it's fine but then there's a group that go through it and it's not fine when it's not fine it's not fine well it's interesting because you think are the women that seem fine maybe those relationships are fine and maybe he maybe he was listening to her the whole time and it all just kind of went good and smooth and there really wasn't a big moment because he was like cheering her on on everything she was doing there was no battle there was no fight I don't know it's different for every person but I I will say that this I'm very very very proud of Gen X women because it's crazy going through not only per menopause and menopause but also hitting midlife and especially as a gen xer because we were 30 when we were 10 and we were we're 30 when we're 50 so we're just we just have always been in it going going going grinding in the thick of it being being Innovative um just we're an interesting generation

were 10 and we were we're 30 when we're 50 so we're just we just have always been in it going going going grinding in the thick of it being being Innovative um just we're an interesting generation so as we're hitting this mid we're guys what's that so we're us guys we're latchy kids yes kids of divorce we're kids of the silent generation so you know no but you know what's interesting is and and I think you and I talked about this once before is I think genx men when they were boys they were part of that generation of you know don't your emo I don't think um Gen X Men had the same emotional maturity growth as genx women because I think your generation Our Generation told Boys Don't Cry yep and um if you're feeling emotions they were not they were not seen they were not acknowledged um you guys were just supposed to bury things and keep going would you say that's accurate yeah 100% girls cry boys don't right yeah and so Gen X Men were raised like that Gen X boys were raised like that to ignore their emotions genx boys were raised to ignore their emotions and so there's an emotional maturity that was neglected and so then they get into relationships and I almost wonder if a lot of gen Xmen are avoidance well you know what's interesting you said I know we talked about this but it just struck me that we were probably encouraged to ignore our emotions unless the emotion was anger and it came out as a fight we were we were allowed to fight like get in a fist fight right but you weren't allowed to cry that's a fascinating very true it's very true and that may explain also you know why there's maybe were maybe these guys that with this this vital response that's just they're they've been trained to be assholes really maybe yeah it could be and maybe

also you know why there's maybe were maybe these guys that with this this vital response that's just they're they've been trained to be assholes really maybe yeah it could be and maybe that's why there it's a developed emotion it's lack of developed emotion no what I mean is the anger and expressing it and it's okay to be an asshole to be aggressive to fight to that you know I'm not I'm not saying I was raised that way by any stretch of the imagination I wasn't really allowed to fight but I'm just saying it was socially acceptable if you got a fight in school it was like all right guys break it up break it up now it's like you're kicked out of school for two weeks or whatever it is right yeah so it's very different it is very different it it's so different and it it could explain why some genx men struggle in relationships um if their emotional maturity stops at a certain point or stopped at a certain certain point it could explain why um they might struggle as their partner going through per menopause or menopause because and a lot of other things because they they're they didn't develop emotionally as they should have through their um child childhood and their adolescent years it's truly Pandora's Box like bury your emotions don't cry oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and anger is okay anger is an acceptable emotion for boys and you were raised around women so I think I'm I don't know if I I don't know if I could say anger was an acceptable thing encouraged for me but yeah it not encouraged accepted it was accepted meaning it would be if you came in angry about something it'd be like what are you mad about oh but if you came maybe if you're crying about something it'd be like come on come on get it together get it together so I

in angry about something it'd be like what are you mad about oh but if you came maybe if you're crying about something it'd be like come on come on get it together get it together so I would say anger was acknowledged I think my reference point would be more Sports if I if you got into a shoving match with someone while in a basketball game or you had words with someone during a baseball game or football game it fine no problem but if you're crying you know I'm talking about also in the home how how boys were raised not just their experiences outside the home how they were how Gen X boys were raised by their parents generationally in general anger would have been a completely normal reaction but crying wouldn't have been that would have been that would have been like I'm not talking about if they hurt their knee or something although I think even then I think you will see Gen X people saying all the time when they got H it was like suck it up you're fine I think it was less acceptable to cry over pain than maybe something some other emotional event because then you did our parents weren't that cold right but it it wasn't like oh he's crying over this or that to your point it's like all right get get it together F but you know it's very interesting but then you're talking about people checking in on us in our emotional health I don't think that was going on I don't know it it the whole thing is is we got way off topic on that but I think that that does go back into um relationships and marriages and you know I do wonder I something I'm going to look into is if a lot of gen Xmen are avoidance and if that would tie back into um generationally what was acceptable in their emot development and what was it it could all be tied together so you think I'm avoidant

lot of gen Xmen are avoidance and if that would tie back into um generationally what was acceptable in their emot development and what was it it could all be tied together so you think I'm avoidant yes but I'm here to tell women out there that it is possible to be in a relationship and married to an avoid avoidant because I have been for 33 years almost so it is 100% possible so that's a whole another topic yeah um but yeah so I think that's I think think there's a big reclaiming of energy by Gen X women in midlife I mean I think that it doesn't necessarily have to be midlife either Elder Millennial women could be going through this you know honestly if it's time to make a change um and women have the the energy to do it a lot of times you're in the midst of raising children so you don't but go for it I didn't I didn't get to that point so I got into my 50s so I turned 50 but and I think that's true for a lot of a lot of women at least definitely Gen X women all right so going back to that you're we've kind of gone in a few angles here right the per menopause the menopause just being the Gen X drawing inspiration from your kids yeah um the other piece and I always get it wrong but the unpacking or unpackaging right you guys finally hit this phase where you're like why am I so fucked up or why have these thoughts unpacking our trauma unpacking your trauma right yeah so there's what's going on there cuz that's happening too well I think and this is really a public service question for all the men out there because if there's the women are done because they've reached the AR metop estrogen level no but I'm just saying there's this cocktail of activities that's a good way to put this other this other front is the you're you're dealing with that the trauma yeah

metop estrogen level no but I'm just saying there's this cocktail of activities that's a good way to put this other this other front is the you're you're dealing with that the trauma yeah and that having thoughts and behaviors and wom yeah you guys are thinking you got to stop um I think that and I've said this in another episode um and just like you said like our generation latchkey kids um we all had our own trauma for whatever reason then a lot of us got married had kids and raise those kids and tried to create the childhood that we didn't have tried to be the best parents we could could be and be completely present with our kids so that requires a lot of energy and time um and so I think when we hit midlife we finally had the time to unpack we weren't running as much through life anymore we slowed down we downshifted um we started to not be in fight or flight anymore because I think a lot of genx are have been in fight ORF flight since our childhood and um I think with when you slow down and you stop it forces you to look around acknowledge your trauma and the stuff that you need to resolve and we finally had the time because a lot of our children are older we're not as Hands-On with our kids anymore and we can give some of that time to ourselves and um so that's why I think a lot of the unpacking of trauma is happening and as a result it's helping us get to know ourselves even better and honor ourselves and honor our younger self we're honoring our younger selves because and for so many of us like no one was doing that for us you know or or or even if somebody was it was it wasn't enough or it wasn't done in the way it was supposed to so I think that's what it is we finally have the time there is a lot of stuff

know or or or even if somebody was it was it wasn't enough or it wasn't done in the way it was supposed to so I think that's what it is we finally have the time there is a lot of stuff going on for Gen x-woman in midlife we are taking the time to unpack our trauma and then also reclaim clim our energy you we're almost like superheroes finding all of our superpowers you know these Powers we didn't know we had and then there there is your per menopause menopause you know to as another I find it inter that is it is it is there's very much a gener generational component here and the the um similar backgrounds of women feeling feral and on their own and it's not it's just seems like this Universal Gen X type of thing it's find it interesting yeah it's I have found it amazing and you know I felt I've also felt heartbreak for how many women have gone through a lot of hard times and suffering and but I found so much joy as they are um navigating their new lives their new Journeys that's scary it's scary to especially if you're divorcing or you're leaving a relationship that you've been in but for so many of these women that relationship was holding them down it was a burden and so they're really free for the first time oh and that's what's cool that I've seen is that you know the optimism of yeah I should have done this years ago and I didn't but I'm excited because I've got this new lease on life which is cool you know it's cool for people because our lives you know at our age I I don't know how much longer we'll live I'm hoping that you know it's a long time but we're we're got a lot of living to do yeah a ton no and and again I think that's also a lot of it we've talked about this where you you face your mortality and you realize life is finite and so you're

we're got a lot of living to do yeah a ton no and and again I think that's also a lot of it we've talked about this where you you face your mortality and you realize life is finite and so you're like well what am I going to do I'm GNA if I'm going to do it I better do it now yeah and if somebody's holding you back from that you're going to ditch that person because they don't have your best interests and that you know what that doesn't necessarily always mean a partner that can be friends too MH you know a lot of times friends the friends who aren't clapping as you succeed or clapping as you walk by those aren't your friends and especially at this point in life there's no time or energy for friends that are not cheering you on no matter you know no matter what you're doing they should be at this point in life they should just be cheering you on yeah and supporting you so but I you know I know this episode was a lot about what men you know men and seems negative about I feel it's like we've bashed the men tried to put up a good front I mean it's that a lot of feedback we've seen yeah H has tied to that but there are a lot of really good guys out there there really are and um I think you had a really good point the ones that are out there spewing and projecting their crap yeah that's that's not the norm no it's a very small it's it's not a representation yeah there's a lot of good guys out there and I think there's a lot of good guys that are supporting their women as they're going through their whole new phase of life but there also are a lot of women who put up with a lot of shit and are done so it's yeah yeah I know and and I so I think it's I think it's exciting I think it's an empowering movement and I do think it's like women finding their superpowers and

a lot of shit and are done so it's yeah yeah I know and and I so I think it's I think it's exciting I think it's an empowering movement and I do think it's like women finding their superpowers and I I love that it's being discussed and talked about and so as Millennial women head into this there's some sort of blueprint and it's normal again if we could just all talk about this normally because it is a big big part of women's lives I think that that would be a big change and I think that would help Relationships by default it becomes a big part of a guy's life if you're in a relationship right and it's wild I never thought this would be a topic I have any real curiosity or interest in but it is impact I had no idea that menopause or per menopause was around the corner for me and what was in store for me I had no idea and if I would have known I could have been even more proactive than I've been but as a couple we could have started communicating about what's that would have been great what's ahead for me we could we could have been communicating about it and they it just I think for relationships it would be very helpful if this was all discussed more openly so that the partners had an opportunity to be a support system you know feel like you need to take on a homework assignment and figure out what's happening with men at the biological level besides the obvious like lower testosterone or or whatever but there's I'm curious what the male equivalent is I I may or may not look it I don't know I I don't know if there is a male doesn't know because in the past they were called a midlife crisis and the men would usually leave their wives and get a girlfriend yeah but what is that I don't you tell me you're a man I don't know I know I'm sitting here

they were called a midlife crisis and the men would usually leave their wives and get a girlfriend yeah but what is that I don't you tell me you're a man I don't know I know I'm sitting here talking about menopause and reclaiming and unpackaging and shit so that's because you're one of the good guys I guess not always but most of the time um but yeah like what is that where men they trade in their wives for a younger version that's the whole concept right what is that I don't know is it always for a younger version or just a different version right it's I mean I don't know that's that's one and the same I guess but I guess I mean you know what I mean yeah a different version a new version but that's been that's been common for forever so what is that in men that makes them drop their family for a younger version It's you girls on packaging packaging no but it's for real is that is that that hormonal based is that more than just them being an asshole CU there there are men that will walk away from their families and a marriage yeah for a girl that's 20 years younger than them I think it's ego I think it's because these women these young women don't see them yet for what they are and so the men can be anything they want to be for these naive women where their wives no yeah I don't know it's like a fairy they can live in a fairy tale land I don't know yeah I don't know and I'm generalizing but that is a phenomenon yeah so what is that you know is it as simple as just infidelity I don't know I don't know have to do a topic on that so that's our homework is to uh study the hormonal changes in men and does that if there are any that are really that impactful yeah I don't know and does that help them as they disconnect and leave their families

hormonal changes in men and does that if there are any that are really that impactful yeah I don't know and does that help them as they disconnect and leave their families for a new model I don't know you're not saying anything I I just don't know you I truly don't know I I don't even know if I've seen it per se yet amongst my peer group the people I associate with or know I'm not aware of of that that happening but you do go out around here at all there's plenty of old guys with girls younger than and our daughters oh yes right they're rolling up in their Maseratis or their Bentley or whatever it might be yes the sugar daddy we see it all the time it's super common down here in South Florida yeah it's part of our culture it's part of the culture yeah yeah an American phenomenon maybe not just American but yeah no I don't I don't know I don't know that's there's a whole world out there like that so yeah but maybe their wives reclaim their energy and them out maybe so but anyways that's our little dissection of our whole reclaiming women reclaiming their energy um concept that we've been kind of covering a little bit here and there with our different guests and uh We've we actually have loved and really enjoyed reading everyone's comments the good and the bad I won't say I enjoyed the the really bad ones but it's been interesting it's been very eye openening and I find it fascinating yeah as a guy I find it fascinating the collective experience and frustration and the the I guess just the experience of it all for women your age and younger and a little bit older yeah fascinating y i I think it's I think it's something that again we're all going to just start talking about more and more and I think the Millennials should take it and run

and a little bit older yeah fascinating y i I think it's I think it's something that again we're all going to just start talking about more and more and I think the Millennials should take it and run that's my advice please so um we continue to welcome your comments and any questions throw it at us and um we will see what what comes of it if if there's some more Enlightenment going forward on this topic so thank you for listening all right and we'll see you next time bye bye bye [Music]