Episode 4 - Man vs Bear

[Music] Welcome to Episode 4 of Gen X Adulting. Today we are going to discuss Man versus Bear. Yes, so I recently made a post on TikTok where I asked you if you had to leave Kaya alone, our daughter, in the woods with either a man or a bear. Which would you choose and what did you choose? I chose the bear. You chose the bear. Now, why did you choose the bear? I chose the bear because I couldn't know who the man would be in the woods with her. So I trust her ability to deal with the bear, whether it's to escape and hide or whatever, right? Deal with the bear versus dealing with a strange guy. Okay, and then I asked you if it was between a bear and a woman, what would you choose? A woman, yeah, no doubt. And why did you choose a woman? They could work together and figure out the bear. Okay, so how much did safety come into play in your decision making? How much did safety for Kaya or for if it's any woman, but for Kaya for you personally, your daughter, in your decision making, how much did her safety come into play in your decision making? Well, probably 100%. But it's also a, it's an interesting challenge. There's not, you don't feel like you have a lot of time to maybe process it, in a sense, right? You're looking for an answer. So it's pretty snap judgment, I guess, an instinctual response. Right. So what would make you feel that she is safer with a bear? How is a man a threat to women? Men can be real dickheads, you know, real assholes, unsafe, you know, especially in the dynamics with a woman. And she's an attractive girl. So that, you know, I don't know if that changes it a ton, but in my mind, it feels like it could or should. It's really interesting because that you say that because I think all women feel unsafe around men.

changes it a ton, but in my mind, it feels like it could or should. It's really interesting because that you say that because I think all women feel unsafe around men. And I think attraction is obviously subjective. It's attractive, not that you know, you might find certain women attractive that other men don't and and everyone has their own tastes. Right. And then everyone thinks their children are beautiful. So that goes without saying so the attractive part. Sometimes I wonder, are men attracted to women when they're looking at them as prey? I think they're looking at them differently than you would look at a woman as far as is she attractive or not? I think the way a man looks when a man is looking at a woman as prey does attraction come into play or is it more a power struggle? Everything I've say not researched would be the wrong word, but it's more of a power play. I think we're talking about men who are probably men who prey on women are weak men. Right. So you're right. The attraction plays is not in play as much per se, as much as there may be. When I say her being attractive, I think she's physically attractive, but she's also funny and smart and in witty and in all of that. Right. So I think but she's also pretty strong, strong minded girl. I think when it comes to guys that prey on women, they're probably looking for someone they could exploit or maybe that they wouldn't think is a strong or, you know, it's really it's a really fucked up thing, quite honestly. So someone that they can overpower. Yeah. So the men who and when you think of men who prey on women and it's interesting because I think a significant amount of men would assault a woman if they knew that they would never get caught. And obviously, it's a pretty big

of men who prey on women and it's interesting because I think a significant amount of men would assault a woman if they knew that they would never get caught. And obviously, it's a pretty big statement. I do really think that's true. I think there's a significant amount of men that would assault a woman and a significant amount of boys that would assault a girl if they thought they could get sexually assault. Yes, not just punch them. Yes. Yeah. Interesting. I think in general, most assault is sexual from man to woman. Obviously, there's men who beat their partners or there was that guy that was going around New York recently punching women, women randomly. That's not what I'm talking about. I don't dispute what you're saying. And that's probably why instinctually I'm saying I'd rather have her take her chances with a bear because the bear is, you know, obviously physically stronger than any guy. They're faster than any guy in climate tree. It's hard to escape a bear. If a bear wants to get you a bear's probably going to do it. But the dynamics of the bear is they're most aggressive when they're protecting the young. So when you ask me this question, I sound it's going off. Yes. You asked me this question. That's all part of it is figuring out what's the what's going on with the bear. So what's interesting is just to name a few things a bear would not do. A bear would not hide you in their basement for weeks on end. A bear would not torture you for their own pleasure. A bear would not rape a woman. A bear would. There's so many things that a man that men do to women and speakable things that a bear would never do. So I think with this TikTok phenomenon that's going on as far as bear versus man, there's a group of men

men do to women and speakable things that a bear would never do. So I think with this TikTok phenomenon that's going on as far as bear versus man, there's a group of men that seem to be about hurt over. Yeah, the comments. Some of those comments were pretty comical. So some men I think are taking this personally. And I find it interesting because they're viewing it as and maybe this is how men automatically go to think. Who would you win? And who would you beat in a fight or who could you kill the bear or the man? Yeah. But women aren't thinking like that. Women are assuming I'm going to die with both of these creatures. They are putting the chance of death at higher, actually, but at least at the same level of being killed by a man is being killed by a bear. But I think they think their chances are better of distracting a bear or getting away from a bear. Whereas with a man that the chances of getting away from a man are going to be much more challenging. And I think that these men are really shocked that women are picking the bear. And they're not understanding that women are terrified of men. And more than anything, probably more than if you if you made all the men stay home for 48 hours, women could walk around at night alone without worrying about one single thing in their lives. Women could go on a run at 10 p.m. at night anywhere in the world. If you made all the men stay home, women could go anywhere they want in the world alone. And this is not something that men, I think, understand, that every day of our lives, we have to take certain things into consideration that never crosses a man's mind. But if those men stayed home and didn't leave for a certain amount of time, we would be more free and not have that

into consideration that never crosses a man's mind. But if those men stayed home and didn't leave for a certain amount of time, we would be more free and not have that stress. So that's where that's coming from, is that the concern about being hurt by a man is already there. And we're so used to it. And we know the chance of what they can do. So if you put a man in front of us and then put a bear in front of us, we already know what the man's going to do. Yeah, the man's a known entity. The bear is an unknown. You think you could probably deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. You got a shot. So, yeah, the man is a known entity and we think we have better chances with a bear. But here's another twist. When I first asked you, you actually said a man, obviously. And then you said, because we would know who the man is, right? And I said, no, it would be a random man. And then you said, well, the bear. But what's interesting about you picking a man that we would know is many girls and women are abused, I think, more by men that they know than they don't. Well, that was a lot of the commentary, right, around on the TikTok was it's not the men you don't know. It's the men that you do know. Right. Yeah. And so it's just men across the board, whether you know them or not. I think you and I were talking about it this morning and I think I counted seven men I would trust 100 percent. That's nothing compared to all the men I know. So and there's none of those other men have done anything, but it's just you don't know. You just don't know. And so it's just, it's just a lot of people that you hear about that molest children and their rape girls and rape women. Some of it's shocking of who does these things. Yeah. So so it creates this distrust. And I think on another note,

children and their rape girls and rape women. Some of it's shocking of who does these things. Yeah. So so it creates this distrust. And I think on another note, another way of looking at this is when someone's attacked by a bear and let's say they're killed. That usually makes the news somewhere, even if it's the local news, right? People are just. Yeah. Statistically, bears are not killing people. Right. Yeah. And usually the bears hunted down and killed. Yep. When men assault women, it typically doesn't make the news for how I think it's like over 400,000 women are assaulted a year. We're not seeing over 400,000 news segments about women getting assaulted. And those men are not being hunted down and killed. In fact, typically those men are not even getting jail time or if they do, it's a joke. So I think that goes into this whole conversation of not only do women not trust men, but society doesn't. It's a man's world. It's a man's world. Society does not take it seriously. I've always joked it's good to be a guy. I know. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I mean, listen, I love being a woman and there's so many amazing things about girlhood and I wouldn't trade. But when it comes to safety, yes, it's good to be a guy. There is no question about it. And typically guys have each other's backs, but no one's saying to the bear. Well, what were you wearing the bears friends and colleagues aren't coming forward saying, you know, I don't think the bear could have killed that. You know, I've never, he's never talked about wanting to kill before. I've never known him to kill him. You know, there's that what did you know, what did you do to entice the bear to kill you? So it all goes into play, right? Women have been quite, were you drinking too much before the bear killed you?

that what did you know, what did you do to entice the bear to kill you? So it all goes into play, right? Women have been quite, were you drinking too much before the bear killed you? So it's always doing that. Who is asking those questions? Both men and women. Yes. Do it. Yes. Yeah. Men and women definitely do it. There's a conspiracy from both sides for both men and women against women. Yes. It's not just like this. It's a men against women type of thing. Women are not always their best advocates as a whole, if you will. Yes, I agree. I think when it comes to something like a victim coming forward about sexual assault, typically it's more men that are questioning her, the victim blaming than women. But there are definitely women that are out there sniping against these victims as well. I always go back to Hillary Clinton, right? And for me, and it's really just an age thing when Bill was taking advantage of her. What's the right word? Exploiting Monica Lewinsky. Yes. Yes. Back in the day, the news was Hillary attacking Monica instead of going after her own husband. Yes. Completely exploited an 18 or 19 year old intern, whatever she was. Completely took advantage of her. This bitch is out there going after her as the victim. And I can tell you from me personally, I think it was, I don't know, 18, 19, 20 years old. I was like, this woman, powerful woman is creating fear and doubt, creating uncertainty. Right. And it's like, it's kind of wild. Yeah. It gets you thinking. Okay. So what, and that's the danger in all of that, right? That piece of shit goes after Monica in defense of her power. Not even her husband, that's her power, right? That sets the tone for a lot of people to now to doubt the story. It's a

That piece of shit goes after Monica in defense of her power. Not even her husband, that's her power, right? That sets the tone for a lot of people to now to doubt the story. It's a fascinating dynamic. I'm not saying she was the first. She was the first for me because of the age and timing of me actually paying attention to the news and seeing what's going on there. But it's a playbook. It's a playbook that happens every day, all day. And it's done by both men and women against the victim, whoever they are. I agree. 100%. I think when it comes to Hillary, I think a lot of Gen Xers with can vividly remember what you're talking about. And I think for Hillary Clinton, it was self-serving. Of course. Yeah. Of course. And I think in a lot of situations, I mean, you have defense attorneys who are women. So they're going to, I don't know how they live with themselves, but they're going to go after the women, the victim who are women. They're going to go after them in that way. Well, think about that, right? Think about that. How you live with yourself. You can talk yourself into most things. Yeah. So even if you are a victim, if you're surrounded by enough fucked up people, you might actually believe that maybe I did drink too much. Or maybe my clothing was too provocative. Or maybe I shouldn't have done something. That's just not the case. Right. Right. I mean. Well, I think we've come a long way. I mean, I think in general, there's less and less victim blaming, but it's still there. I mean, even if you look at headlines about, you know, women attacked while jogging instead of man attacked woman while she was jogging. Well, remember this, this was, what was it in Memphis, I think the woman, the lady went out for a jog. Yes. This is the worst one.

while jogging instead of man attacked woman while she was jogging. Well, remember this, this was, what was it in Memphis, I think the woman, the lady went out for a jog. Yes. This is the worst one. The thing up in Athens, Georgia, I think it was recently, right? The college girl was out running illegal alien from Venezuela, I think kills her. One of those papers, honestly, I think it was one of the liberal newspapers, maybe New York times. I think it was that sometimes writer said, just a reminder that women shouldn't go out running in the morning. Right. That fucked up as that. Right. That drives me crazy. Yes. Now. And again, that is victim blaming. Yeah. It is 100%. Women should be allowed to go on a run. I'm going to be very clear. Women should be allowed to go on a run any hour of the day or night whenever they want. It's just not reality. I know, but they should. Women should be able to go out and run. And it doesn't matter what they have on. It does not. None of it matters. They should 100% and have every right to go out. Anybody should. It's not even a man versus woman thing. It's a crime thing, but no, but we're talking about women. So when this happens to young, to women where they get attacked at four in the morning or at whatever time, six in the evening, it has nothing to do with what they were doing is 100. It is 100% on the attacker. The psychopath who raped and murdered these women. That is who it's on. It doesn't has nothing to do with the woman. So as far as these headlines, it should always state who the man was who did this crime. That's that's doesn't happen. I know. And that's part of the US. So what's where? What's the problem? That's part of the problem. That's part of society. The bigger problem is those

did this crime. That's that's doesn't happen. I know. And that's part of the US. So what's where? What's the problem? That's part of the problem. That's part of society. The bigger problem is those these are not punishable crimes. They should be, but they're not. And if you were to get convicted, my gosh, how long the trial would it would it be? It's not like it's not. It's not like it's quick. Right. Right. So it takes a while. You get plenty of appeals to get public defenders, whatever, even if you get off on a technicality. But if you actually did get convicted, and I'm not, I don't know this, or I'm talking out of my rear on this in some ways, but I don't think the time ever fits the crime in that sense. I agree. I think it should be any all I don't think any any crimes or any time fits most crimes, I guess. Well, at least when it comes to sexual assault on women. So I think you go through, and this has been going on for hundreds of years against women. It's really just in the last century that finally women are starting to get some vindication. But it's almost ingrained in us. I mean, Kaya, I've raised her to always be on the lookout and always be prepared since she was little. And even now, when she's in the parking lot, and when she goes here and goes there, she knows she's always on alert, always on alert. So I think when you ask a woman that question, if you were alone in the woods, and you came across a man in the woods, and you're looking at that man, and he's looking at you, and you were in the woods, and you came across a bear. And he's not even looking at you, or even if he does, who are you going to pick? You're going to pick the bear. You really think so? Yes. 100%. Why? If I came across a man in the woods.

And he's not even looking at you, or even if he does, who are you going to pick? You're going to pick the bear. You really think so? Yes. 100%. Why? If I came across a man in the woods. Yeah, but the bear, the bear is going to scare the shit out of you, right? It's going to scare most people. I'm scared of the bulls are scared. Yeah, but if there's a bear, you're like, oh my god, there's a bear, and there's a dude over there. You might go, you wouldn't think to go to the, in, say, hey, can you help? No, no, no, it's one or the other. What do you mean? That's what makes it. No, who would you rather run into in the woods? Okay, so I run into a man, and he he's looking at me. Okay. So would the bear scare the shit out of me? Yes. The point is, they both scare the shit out of me. Yeah. But which one am I going to have a chance with? Yeah. And also, if they're both going to kill me, at least with the bear, he's going to maul me. He's going to kill me. He's going to maul me. He's going to bite me. I'm going to bleed to death. It's done with the man. He's going to torture me. He's going to rape me. He's going to dismember me. You know, who knows what he's going to do to me before he finally kills me. So that is what women are thinking of. That is the might. And you are getting into the mind of a woman. That's what goes through our minds. Terrible. Is what could these men do? That's what it is. That's terrible. So take that into just being out. These girls are women at bars or restaurants and always wondering. Yeah. I mean, that's why you guys have to travel in a squad or in a pack. Yes. To your point, you got to look over your shoulder. It's crazy. Now with these apple air tags, people are putting air tags in cars and bags and whatever.

pack. Yes. To your point, you got to look over your shoulder. It's crazy. Now with these apple air tags, people are putting air tags in cars and bags and whatever. Yeah. Following people home. It's completely crazy. And you know how easy it is for men to put something in a women's drink. It's so easy. So you're always on guard. You have to watch your purse so they don't drop an air tank and you have to watch your drink so they don't drug you. You have to make sure you can get to your car. Okay. You have to kind of look as you're walking up to your guy as you're walking up to your car. You're looking under your car as you're walking up to make sure no one's under your car. If there's something on your car, you drive home with it on your car because you don't want to touch it. These are just things naturally going through our heads at all times. Don't even get me started on the men that follow women and girls around stores. I will say this just to like, if I'm getting gas at the gas station, I don't, I'm looking over my shoulder and stuff. Yes. You know, so if there is a situational awareness, I'm not as afraid as any woman because I'm a, I'm, I am a guy. I'm, I feel like I can at least take care of myself for the first round or two. Right. You know, um, I would advocate women do concealed carry. I really truly was. I think every woman should carry a gun. Go learn how to shoot, how to handle a gun and carry a gun in your purse or your belt or whatever. That's crazy. But that is the world we live in and that's crazy. And men do it too. If you come to South Florida, assume everyone's carrying a gun and it helps keep the peace quite frankly. To some degree. To some degree, but, um, yeah, no, it's interesting. But even, okay. So, but for you, when

carrying a gun and it helps keep the peace quite frankly. To some degree. To some degree, but, um, yeah, no, it's interesting. But even, okay. So, but for you, when you're at a gas station, you're more focused on crime, you're not focused on that. Somebody is going to kidnap you or assault you. You're focused on is somebody going to try to steal your car or steal your money. No, I'm, I'm thinking, yeah, yeah. But I'm, but how they get you, how might, how they get my car or money goes through an assault, whether it's, you know, so if I'm saying there, I'm like, you know, I am looking around and making sure that there's no one coming up behind me or approaching. If someone pulls up on a strange vehicle that with tinted windows, let's say, and, um, you know, that's reason for or cause or caution, caution. I was going to say pause. That's kind of a moment for pause and think about it. Right. So there's a constant situational awareness. Even not even just getting gas. Hell, go into like, um, home depot work. Or, or a retail store at eight o'clock at night when it's dark. Yes. It's just the, it's just the world we live in, in most metropolitan areas. So I think, yes, for both of us that were aware of our surroundings when we're out and about, I think for me as a woman, it's on a totally different level, 100%. So what's interesting is, or what I'd like to ask you is growing up as a boy and as a man. There's a reason you said the bear. And I would assert that the reason you chose the bear and the reason that other fathers would choose the bear is because men know men. So growing up in the locker room or with your friends or being around guys or being around men. Are there, are there outward, obvious situations where, are there situations

men know men. So growing up in the locker room or with your friends or being around guys or being around men. Are there, are there outward, obvious situations where, are there situations where it's obvious how men feel about women when it comes to how they view them as far as? Well, it's in a derogatory way. But I think this is where that it gets a little convoluted because as boys and men, you're chasing girls, right? Heterosexual speaking, right? So you're interested in girls for the attraction, you know, eventually, you know, probably starts out kissing or whatever, right? You're trying to get laid. Let's, let's put it that way. You're trying to get laid. But this isn't that what you're describing is more of the power play. Right. That's not the healthy birds and the bees or the courting of someone you're attracted to and there's a mutual attraction and that kind of thing, right? That's more say give and take. That's a relationship. What you're describing is a power play and that's not something I think is very pervasive. It's not like you're sitting in the locker room and you're like, oh yeah, so and so likes to rape girls. None. That's not found to be an acceptable thing, right? That's a closet thing. And it's a honestly, I think that's a secret in many ways, right? If someone's out running around, I don't think men, you can look at somebody and come up with a stereotype on somebody, right? Whatever it might be. Oh, that guy's a, he's a metalhead, a deadhead or, or whatever. Frat boy. Frat boy. All that kind of stuff. You can't look at something like, oh, that guy's a rapist or that guy's a, an abuser or it's just not how it works. But do you think that, so then what about the date rape culture where let's say on

can't look at something like, oh, that guy's a rapist or that guy's a, an abuser or it's just not how it works. But do you think that, so then what about the date rape culture where let's say on a college situation in, in fraternities or at college parties or high school parties, would you think that at least more than one boy or man is aware that date rape drugs are being used in those situations? And if so, then there is kind of this silent agreement that, okay, this is what we're doing. I honestly don't know. I can't relate to that. It's not, no, I don't know. So you never in all your years through high school, college, as an athlete, everything up until we got married, never ever came across a situation where anyone was talking about, or you heard of anyone drugging a girl to rape her or that someone had raped a girl or taken advantage of a girl or assaulted a girl. Not at all. No, not like an intentional. Let's no, no. And you never heard of anyone assaulting a girl. I think there's, I'm aware of questionable things, right? Whether it's at a party and things get out of control or whatever. So what would that have been? Not necessarily been not like an intentional thing, like, hey, check out these pills I got, and this is how you use them. That type of thing. Or let's get somebody cornered and rape them, right? That's not a thing that I'm aware of, right? I'm not saying it's not, but because I think obviously there are things like that, right? Gang of rapes or gang assaults and shit like that. And I would think in... I don't know. That could be big time college stuff. I don't know. But to go back to what you said, you heard of certain situations that maybe got out of hand. What does that mean? I honestly can't think

I don't know. That could be big time college stuff. I don't know. But to go back to what you said, you heard of certain situations that maybe got out of hand. What does that mean? I honestly can't think of anything specific. Okay. Yeah. So I think, I feel like, I think there's definitely a lot of men like you who never really came across situations like that. We're never obviously a part of anything like that. Essentially we're raised to respect women and to not force themselves. I don't know if we were, not to necessarily raise to respect women. But we're, I think, and what I mean by that is, right, Jan Ersus, we talked about this, I think, in episode one or two, but the dumpster diving for the playboys and stuff. We grew up with, in that age of 70s, 80s... Objectifying women. Objectifying women, pornography, the advent of the super model, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, all the glamour magazines and all that shit. So there was absolutely grew up in the age of objectification of women. But I don't know, where did we, I don't even know where I was going with this, but... Well, you were talking about being raised to respect women. Sorry, I lost my train of thought. But I, so I don't know if we were necessarily raised to respect women. We were at a family level, right? But at the macro level and the societal and cultural level, women have been getting disrespected forever. It's part of the culture. And it's even worse in other countries, right? In the US, it's amazing. This whole bare-versed man thing in the US is completely different, I think, than what goes on outside of the US. Like even in Europe, right? Europe is a very, there's some chauvinism that still exists as part of the fabric of the culture. You go into say like the Middle East and

Like even in Europe, right? Europe is a very, there's some chauvinism that still exists as part of the fabric of the culture. You go into say like the Middle East and there's an absolute lack of respect for women, right? It's such a bad lack of respect for them that they're forced to cover up. So it's the dynamics on this are actually very interesting. But I think where you learn to respect women is at a very micro level, the family level. So I grew up with my, I had six aunts and I have a sister, a female cousin, other female relatives, right? So that's where you learn to respect women or just people in general, if that makes sense. Yes, but I'm wondering where the line gets crossed because women have been objectified for years and years and years. And women have been assaulted for years and years and years. So what- Men are physically stronger. Men are physically stronger. I'm curious what makes a man cross the line from just objectifying a woman to thinking he can assault a woman. It's really- It's a line that gets crossed. Well, it's really, really fascinating stuff and I hadn't thought of it in this way. But you look into like Carl Jung, you know, even Freud, but Freud's a little bit, you know, abstract. And I think that's a lot about just how it's the, you know, as individuals, we're slowly becoming less and less individuated. And we're losing our individual identity and it's becoming more of this collective identity. And when you get into that collective identity, you have less and less concept of yourself. And now you're really prone to those external factors around you. And once that starts to happen, now you feel less and less powerful. So as the, you know, this- It's a societal thing. And it's happening, right?

external factors around you. And once that starts to happen, now you feel less and less powerful. So as the, you know, this- It's a societal thing. And it's happening, right? The governments are kind of doing this in some ways in that manipulation of- We want individuals to feel less in control and we want to pull it more into the community. But as you do that, as you pull away someone's self-control, sense of self-control and self-determination, people react very differently to that. And so you might have someone who is, you know, as you think about the psychology of the man who's doing this kind of stuff, it's a power play. It's truly a power play. It's not like it's not a- it's a power play. They're out to prove something and it's because they're losers. And they're losing on whatever fronts that are around them, whether it's financial, or they don't feel they look good enough or whatever, right? They just lack the power in their own lives that they have to take it out on someone. And the easiest thing to do is to take control and overpower a woman, physically speaking. And that all makes sense. And you can't even say that it's a thing based on, you know, poor versus rich or black versus white, because there's many, many white rich males who have raped girls. It's not a sexual thing either. And it's not sexual. So for all of these men somewhere in their lives, they don't feel that they have control or maybe an identity that is authentic in some way. And I think there's a lot of hate though towards women from these men. I don't think women like- these men like women at all. I don't know. I mean, it's a fascinating thing because what I just described is an outlet. As fucked up as that is, it's an outlet. So, you know, another outlet is to do

these men like women at all. I don't know. I mean, it's a fascinating thing because what I just described is an outlet. As fucked up as that is, it's an outlet. So, you know, another outlet is to do drugs or drink or exercise or whatever, go become work, work harder or whatever, right? And but it's as an outlet, that's a fucked up concept. But I think that's part of it. That's really interesting. So they have whatever going on inside of them, this anger, this dissatisfaction with the world, with life, with themselves, with their situation. They feel powerless. They feel like losers, essentially, low self-esteem, all of that crap. And instead of going and shooting up or drinking a bunch of alcohol or, you know, dealing with it in other ways like that, they use women because they can overpower women. It's something that they can take control of, get some sort of satisfaction and self-esteem hit because they were able to overpower this woman and rape her. Yeah. Or abuse her. Or abuse her. So, I mean, you know this, but when I was in college, I volunteered at a shelter for battered and abused women and their kids. Talk about a mind fuck, right? Because, you know, I was there to basically play with and as a counselor in a sense for the children, the kids, and playing basketball, kickball, whippleball, whatever, just talking. Being a positive male role figure in their lives, it was cool. But it was cool in that sense to connect. I still remember some of the kids and how much they enjoyed me coming around. But what got me out of it is it's crazy. It's a cycle. And the women that were there, they'd come, they'd get away, the guy would have, they'd somehow reconcile. The man would apologize. And then what's most fucked up is say the

It's a cycle. And the women that were there, they'd come, they'd get away, the guy would have, they'd somehow reconcile. The man would apologize. And then what's most fucked up is say the first time it's a slap and you leave. That's not the case. But the next time it's a punch and then you leave and you go back, it's probably a concussion or a broken arm and you leave, you come back. It just escalates. It escalates more and more because as they leave, it's that thing. It's like, why do you keep going back? And I think for them, it's almost like it's almost easier for me to stay because then it stays kind of minor because it's that controlled, right? It's the control of if you're here and I've got control of you. I'm a loser in all aspects of my life. I financially, I'm just a piece of shit or professionally I'm a piece of shit. But I can flex on this one person and have some sense of control when everything else is out of control. It's really fucked up. I mean, it's, I don't know how far away from the bare versus man story we are, but you know, as you dig into it, it's crazy. I think all of it is why we choose the bare. And it isn't even that these men are losers financially or professionally. That's just two things because there's many very successful men that are abusive. I say that for lack of examples. Right, right, right. There's like so many different things. But and to your point, I think a lot of women don't leave because they're afraid that they're going to get killed. I do think a lot of women fear for their lives that if I leave him, he will kill me or he will, he will take my children from me. A lot of men use the children. Well, the safe house that I volunteered at was in the middle of a neighborhood and you would never know.

or he will, he will take my children from me. A lot of men use the children. Well, the safe house that I volunteered at was in the middle of a neighborhood and you would never know. It just looked like a house. Yeah. And, and it was that way so that it was completely concealed. Just fit in. Yeah, you'd never know. It's, I think, I wonder how much of it too is how these boys are raised. You know how much so if their fathers are abusive, obviously they are going to mimic it. But where did it come from? So is it just passed down from generation to generation to generation until it's finally broken? It could go back hundreds of years. If you have the same, well, if the fathers are always doing it and it's just continuing being passed down, when is the cycle broken? I don't even, I don't know if it even rolls like that. I don't think it does. I don't think that's suggesting there's some genetic or hereditary component here. And I don't think that's in play per se. It's, you know, I've thought about this since this whole thing we did this yesterday. I'm blown away by the amount of action and some of the visceral responses from the women out there who hate men, to the guys who defend the man versus the bear. And then the other folks who probably are like me, the men who are like, oh, I pick the bear every day. What I think is interesting is you probably don't, it's just exposure and it's experience. And what I mean by that, that's how most things are solved, right? If you're racist, the best way to cure your racism is to go spend some time with people of another race. You realize you got a lot in common, right? The racism is just ignorance. When it comes to say women being afraid of men, have a daughter. You know, think about the

of another race. You realize you got a lot in common, right? The racism is just ignorance. When it comes to say women being afraid of men, have a daughter. You know, think about the safety of your daughter. Think about the safety of your wife. And so it's really exposure. I don't think that solves everything. But if until you have a daughter or you're married and you're living in an area where there's a city, any city in the world, the US, there's exposure to bad things happening. If you are not married or have a daughter, you may not think about this stuff. You may not hit your psyche. And I hear what you're saying, but there's many men who are married and beat their wives. And there's many men who have daughters and I'm not an expert on this. No, no, it's just very interesting. I think it's a culmination of many things. I really, I think you really nailed a lot with the outlet concept that taking advantage of these women overpowering them is a way for them to feel better about themselves as much as doing drugs or drinking. It's the same. I never thought about it as an outlet before using human beings as an outlet. Of course, it's all messed up. I mean, molesting young children, that's a whole different thing. But I do think there's also some nature versus nurture going on there. I'm not saying it's genetic, but I think mimicking what you see growing up definitely has a play in there. If you see your dad hitting your mom and you think part of you either is going to completely... Never saw it. I don't know. But if a boy does, modeling, modeling, exactly. Then I think it's both. I think you grew up watching it or you have your own issues and you're using women as an outlet. Then of course, there's just psychopaths, which I think to some level,

Then I think it's both. I think you grew up watching it or you have your own issues and you're using women as an outlet. Then of course, there's just psychopaths, which I think to some level, any man that can assault a woman has sociopathic tendencies. There's no question about it, in my opinion. It depends on what you mean. If it's unprovoked, then sure. But if a guy gets attacked by a woman, No, I mean sexually assault. Rape. I got you. The bear versus man thing isn't just about rape. It's about torture. It's about all the things we know men have done to women. Women watch and listen to true crime for many reasons. One of them is to be prepared in case something ever happens to them. So it's research for us. A lot of it's entertainment and a lot of it's research and to be prepared. But through listening to true crime, we learn what men really can do in the worst case scenarios. I mean, there was a girl just last week went on a first date and he dismembered her and threw away parts of her body. I think this happened in... Oh gosh, I don't want to say Atlanta or Nashville. I don't know. I could be saying the wrong town. I don't want to say the wrong town. And they have him on camera throwing away different body parts throughout the city. That was her first date. She met him on hinge, which is a normal dating site. It's not the one where people just go on like Tinder. Tinder's to like hook up. This was just to actually meet someone. It's crazy. It's crazy. So I think that's what goes into this. Well, what's crazier is depending on what state this actually happened in. Curious to see what happens. Yeah. Should be shot. Honestly. I agree. Hang the fucker. Just shoot him and stop the nonsense. Don't even entertain due process and all that. Right.

Curious to see what happens. Yeah. Should be shot. Honestly. I agree. Hang the fucker. Just shoot him and stop the nonsense. Don't even entertain due process and all that. Right. But I agree. He's about to go on a probably a 20, 30 year process of appeals and whatever and just drain the system. But piece of shit should just be shot. I always will feel that way and nothing can ever change my mind on that. But so I think this has been very interesting. And I think it's been very eyeopening to a lot of men. A lot of men are very perplexed by this. The bare verse. Yes. They're there. They don't get it. It's a no brainer. But the men who I feel the men who don't get it might be the problem. They're part of the problem. Because here I have a question for you, though. Yeah. Because I know us talking about it and me representing a viewpoint that's not say all pro male. Right. I get it. I understand. I think men. I was thinking about it. Not all men are assholes, but all men have potential to be and the ability to be any man can be an asshole. Right. Not everybody is all the time, but we all are can be an asshole by the minute. Right. It can vary. What? So my question to you is, what do you I'm in the camp of choosing the bear because I know men and I know the evil that men can inflict upon anything really the earth, women, nature, whatever. Animals. Yeah. That was nature. But yeah. Me taking this position, what do you think the response would be to me taking that type of position in that right? It's you think I'll get the men who think I'm a whatever. I think you know, you know, to be that I think that there's men like you who agree with you 100% and get it. And I think that there's men who think you're stupid that are going to think you're

you know, to be that I think that there's men like you who agree with you 100% and get it. And I think that there's men who think you're stupid that are going to think you're stupid and that I don't know if they'll think you're anti man. I'm so pro man. You are. I'm 100% man. I'm a guy's guy. Yeah. But I'm, I'm pro people, pro human, right? I think everybody's individually do your thing. Right now. I think, I think I'm curious. I think that there's men who will think that, you know, you're a pussy. Yeah. You know, and that you're weak. Yeah. And that you're controlled by your woman. Like I think probably that I'm whipped. Maybe that's the right word. I was trying to find, but I think the men who think that way are part of the problem by them getting on social media and complaining about this. All they are doing is exposing themselves as part of the problem. Yeah. And they're too stupid to realize that. I think it's hilarious. The whole concept. I was like, what? Yeah. Yeah. So you have two sons. They have been raised or raising the youngest still, but our oldest one, I would say is a solid man is twenties. He has high respect for women. I think we both through the years would talk once he was old enough, talk to him about no means no. You know, you don't, especially with our youngest, because the world has changed even since our oldest was going through school, but you don't touch a girl at all. Even her hand, even her arm, like you don't put your hands on a girl without her consent to anything. I think that's even gotten more extreme with our youngest versus our oldest. So the whole respect, don't touch all that. And then even when you're at a party and if you see a girl passed out and her friends, you can't find them, you do not leave her

So the whole respect, don't touch all that. And then even when you're at a party and if you see a girl passed out and her friends, you can't find them, you do not leave her alone. I remember our oldest Nathan was at a party and called me and said, I'm going to be late for curfew. This was a high school party. I'm going to be late for curfew because there's this girl she's passed and I need to find her friends. And I said, that's completely fine. When you find her friends and then come home. So in addition to those things, I think it's imperative that parents who have sons have these conversations. You have to. I had this conversation about not touching a girl at all with Dylan when he was in first grade, I think. I said, you don't touch her anywhere. I never thought about having to have that conversation with Nathan because things weren't quite the same as they are in society now. But even with Nathan, I think I had the no means no conversation in middle school when he started making out with girls and explaining that to him. So I think every parent with their boys needs to have these conversations, needs to make a clear and revisit this conversation in high school and explain and just go over it, make it a very normal thing to talk about. But in addition to that, can you think of other ways, other things we did, or you as a father, you did to instill respect for women in our sons? Nothing necessarily comes to mind. I can honestly admit I wouldn't have had those conversations. If I was a single dad, maybe I might have gone to a class, watched a YouTube video or something. How do I do this? How do I bring a mom influence in a single dad situation? So maybe people should do that. I think, you know, am I the perfect role

YouTube video or something. How do I do this? How do I bring a mom influence in a single dad situation? So maybe people should do that. I think, you know, am I the perfect role model? No. Am I a decent one? Probably. I'm not the worst, I guess, right on the scale of good to bad or whatever. Somewhere not too far. You're pretty good. Never have I hit you. No, no, no, it's that kind of stuff. It's the listen to your mom. I had to have a conversation with Dylan the other day. Yep. Our youngest got him in the car, had him trapped, go into the game. And we talked about things like that. And just reinforcing the respect and acknowledgement of, you know, just really, really the respect level. How about the fact that you raised the boys? Well, this would really apply to Nathan and Kaya because they were closer in age, but Dylan too, that they were never allowed to hit Kaya, put their hands on Kaya. It was a, there was a, you know, tolerance. You know, it's funny, actually, now that I think about it. So the fastest, the absolute fastest I ever saw my dad move is when I don't know how old I was, but my sister and I got into an argument. And I think we squared up and she popped me in the lip and I was ready. I don't know what I was going to do. I was so surprised. This wasn't common, but it's not tarnishing. That is not a big deal. It's actually funny. And he was sitting on the couch and I think I was ready to go back and he was between us within a fraction of a second. I wonder if she even remembers this. And I got the full dissertation of never touching your sister, your mom. I don't know what all was said, right? But she left an impression that had to have been, I don't know, 40 years ago. So it's part of my DNA.

dissertation of never touching your sister, your mom. I don't know what all was said, right? But she left an impression that had to have been, I don't know, 40 years ago. So it's part of my DNA. It's probably part of theirs. I was still from the generation of hold the door for women. You know, we still do that. And maybe that's a gen X thing, but we all grew up, hold the door for a woman and women's liberation. And you guys are shooting yourselves in the foot on that one. But that's, I've always told them, hold the door for your mom, hold the door for your grandmother. Hold the door for that lady, right? The door for that elderly person. Give up their seat, give up your seat. Yeah. Whatever it is. Right. It's, yeah, I was just in the hairdressers with a decent person. Well, but I mean, you're saying that, but these are things that need to be taught. And I would say with the new generations, I don't know how much of it is being taught. I don't know. I'm being honest. I don't know. I do know I was in the hairdresser with Dylan a couple of weeks ago and him and I both had seats and an older woman walked in and he got up and gave her his seat. Did you have to tell him? I just looked at him and then he looked, he didn't know she was there. And then he saw her and got up. Yeah. But you know, I, but it's again, we've told them these things, but I specifically remember you telling Nathan, you never touch your sister. That's where I was going. So that story, I relayed to both of them. Yes. Over time. I know I've told Nathan that. Yeah. And you know, he asked questions and Dylan too. Yeah. Because once Dylan got old enough, you were like, you cannot touch your sister. Yeah. I won't say our kids are perfect, not by any means, but they're pretty

questions and Dylan too. Yeah. Because once Dylan got old enough, you were like, you cannot touch your sister. Yeah. I won't say our kids are perfect, not by any means, but they're pretty good. But it's, it is kind of fun now to see that. I don't know if I've had any of those moments yet with Dylan. I know he's held the door for people, whether I don't know what, maybe at a hotel or wherever, but restaurants. I've, but I've seen Nathan do it and I've seen Nathan actively engage in a conversation with someone and make it okay that I'm holding the door or I'm going to do something that's respectful for you, which is cool. Yeah. As they've, as he's now, is he considered a man yet or is he still a young man? No, I'd say he's now a man. He's probably a man. Yes. Doing those kinds of things. Right. So it's cool. I observed Dylan doing that. We were, we were at the library and one of my girlfriends was coming out with her daughter. He was going in and I was dropping him off and she said hi to him. And then he stopped and exchanged some pleasant trees with her as instead of just saying hi and then keeping walking, he stopped and awkward, you know, awkwardly did his, did a polite thing. He knew that it's ingrained in them that they could do that. And I think there's a lot of kids and a lot of young adults that do that, but there are, there are, there are, but I, I don't know how common it is. I think it might be less common than it was back in the day for us. I could be wrong, but I mean, I can speak down in South Florida. It's not as common for people to hold the door as they're walking into a place. I can't tell you how many people just let the door close behind them when I'm coming up onto the door. Like if you're Nordstrom's or Macy's, someone's going in

door as they're walking into a place. I can't tell you how many people just let the door close behind them when I'm coming up onto the door. Like if you're Nordstrom's or Macy's, someone's going in the door. I always look behind me and hold to see if anyone's behind me to hold the door more often than not. People down here in South Florida are not doing that. So, and when you do do it, people are so grateful because it's not common. That's a common courtesy thing, but is that a cultural thing? I cannot. Of course. Yeah, I can't not. Is that a cultural thing or is that just dying out? Common courtesy. I feel like I was at the, you know, like Macy's or something at the mall over the Christmas. I got stuck. Like five or six people, you know, I held the door for one person's like, all right, everyone's so excited. I mean, we're off topic, but I think that there is, it's, it's incredibly important. Not that this will stop someone from assaulting a woman, but ingraining that respect towards women has got home. It must, it's imperative. It has to. I think, you know, this will really fire some people up, but I do think women need to work a little bit more closely together too. You guys really, you need to support each other better. It's, you know, I'm not saying you guys are your own worst enemy, but you, it'd be nice if women stuck together a little bit tighter than sniping on one another as easily as they do. It's really interesting because I think that the Gen Z women are, their girlhood is strong. And I think there's so much more support for each other than I would say the Gen X women growing up because society pitted us against each other that we should be in competition with each other for a man. So if a woman is prettier than you,

than I would say the Gen X women growing up because society pitted us against each other that we should be in competition with each other for a man. So if a woman is prettier than you, you automatically should hate her. Be jealous of her instead of being like, Oh, she's beautiful. Do you think that's being taught by other Gen X or seven kids? I think that, well, I think when we were growing up as a girl, as a girl, that's how it was. You were in competition. You had your friends and you loved them, but other women were competition. Whereas now I feel with the new generation in general, I'm saying in general, they celebrate each other. Now I'm not saying there isn't jealousy. I've witnessed horrendous jealousy towards my own daughter as she was growing up. But I think that in general, there is a lot more support for each other. There's a lot more celebration of each other's successes. Of course, there's pettiness and jealousy and scheming and all that crap that always goes on. But I see more with this younger generation, a unification and support. And I don't know about the millennials, with the women in that group. I really don't know how they are as far as supporting each other and stuff. And I feel like Gen X women, as we've gotten older, have woken up more to, hey, we're not each other's enemies. We were kind of set up that way, but we really aren't. And so I think we have woken up. I feel personally, I'm going to speak for myself. I have learned so much from the Gen Z women I've met. I admire them so much. And I've learned a lot about... What's Gen Z? Kaiya? Well, no, it's all three of our kids. But I'm talking about Kaiya's age, which is early twenties. I've learned a lot about... I've reflected a lot about how I grew up

no, it's all three of our kids. But I'm talking about Kaiya's age, which is early twenties. I've learned a lot about... I've reflected a lot about how I grew up and how it was with the different women I grew up around, the girls I grew up around. So I think that they definitely are a force to be reckoned with. And I hope they continue to unite and support each other. But you're right. There is always going to be a group of women that are going to put down other women. And that could just be the way it is. I think about Caitlin Clark, right? Basketball player. Yeah. And I can't remember her name. The girl from LSU, is it maybe Gabrielle Reese? I don't think that's her name. But so Caitlin Clark, there's people that are hating on her. Yes. But there is another group that's come to her defense. And the girl at LSU, I wish I knew her name. It's a good basketball player. And well, Caitlin's a white girl and the girl from LSU is a black girl. And they're both very good. And the girl from LSU, they won the championship last year. And they were trying to repeat this year. And she talked about how this is the hardest year of her life because so many people were hating on her. And there were people coming to her defense and stuff, but it's just crazy. The amount of just hate and sniping that was happening for both of them. For both of them. It's crazy. They're irrelevant. They're both good basketball players. Yes. I think they're both decent people. Yes. They look different. They maybe listen to different music, maybe wear different clothes, whatever. But I think they're both decent people and they're both trying to do something. Right. But the amount of shitting on them is remarkable. Yeah. But they have had people come

think they're both decent people and they're both trying to do something. Right. But the amount of shitting on them is remarkable. Yeah. But they have had people come to their defense as well. So maybe you're right. It's there's an evolution. It blows my mind. The women that would snipe on these young women, I don't understand it at all, especially because these women bring attention to women's basketball. So to see other women go at them, especially outside of that, it's just that they're successful. Yes. And they're just, they're successful people. There's no reason to try to take them down. You do not gain anything by shitting on them. No, I mean, that's a whole nother thing to talk about is women uplifting women. And, but I think again, this whole bear versus man topic, women have come together. That's an area we've come together. I don't know any women who've chosen the man from what I've seen. They might be out there. And I haven't seen any father. She's the man. You asked me as a woman, man, did the same question get asked of women? That's how it started. It is. What do you mean? A man was on, it was an interview. It was a guy on the street. I think I could be wrong. This was the original, but I think this is the original. And he asked a girl, if you were alone in the woods, who would you rather be with a bear or a man? And she chose the bear. And I think he was surprised. Did she hesitate? No, that's funny. No, she did not choose the bear. She did not hesitate. I'm sorry. She chose the bear right away. So I wouldn't, like I said, I think this is an area most women can relate to. And I think the men who are having a temper tantrum about this are exposing themselves to a problem. But I think they're too stupid to realize that. And

this is an area most women can relate to. And I think the men who are having a temper tantrum about this are exposing themselves to a problem. But I think they're too stupid to realize that. And I say that in all confidence as a strong woman. I think men need to do better. Obviously, right? That's not a good commentary on us. Definitely need to probably pick it up there a little bit. Absolutely. I think being held to your point as far as punishable offenses, if they were could get in more trouble for what they're doing, if the sentences were stronger and longer, then I think they wouldn't take these chances of doing this. I feel like there's just kind of this subtle vibe of they might get away with it. So like, I don't think they're in fear of fear is not stopping them from doing it, especially when there's gang rapes and it's being filmed. But, you know, I mean, the audacity is heinous. It's horrible. It's horrible. So the bear, the bear is what will always get chosen. I can't think of any reason a man would ever be chosen. Isn't that crazy? That is crazy. So that's our man versus bear. What a topic. Jeez. Commentary for today. That's our opinions on that subject. And I think I think I will get lit up personally. You probably will. Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, you know, but yeah, we will fight the good fight. We welcome all comments, questions, anything you guys want to say, we welcome it. So all right. We're out until next time. All right. See everybody. Bye.